I'm really happy?

[usernamesarehard]

I'll be catching my bus tomorrow. I'm actually pretty happy about it. Earlier in the week when I thought about it I would feel fear. Now I'm happy to not have to deal with living anymore.

I wrote this a few days ago to post today. Yesterday and this morning I've been very happy. Yesterday was probably the happiest I've been while at work. I was happy for almost the entire day. I just got rejected this morning, but I'm still happy.

Am I happy because my ctb date is so close and I don't have to deal with lifes bullshit anymore? Am I having some kind of manic episode? Have I magically gotten better over night? Should I wait it out for a bit and see if I'm ok with living? Or should I just catch my bus tomorrow like I planned? My method is apricot seeds, so I doubt I'll fail and I doubt I'll back out. All I have to do is pop them in my mouth and swallow. That's actually why I chose this method. Easy to acquire, easy to commit and not back out, hard to fuck up.

 

[R. A.]

Woah you're an old ghost too...all that matters is the moment; whether or not you want to do it when the time comes. There can be other times. I hope I see you around again before you go if you do.

(as an aside, never heard about apricot seeds...didn't know it was a thing...)

 

[Apathy79]

That's pretty cool. It probably is a euphoria because you have nothing to lose anymore but I suppose why not ride it out while it lasts if it is working.

Also confused by the method. I assume you're going for cyanide poisoning but the levels in an apricot seed are almost untraceable aren't they? Wouldn't you have to eat like 100?

 

[usernamesarehard]

Woah you're an old ghost too...all that matters is the moment; whether or not you want to do it when the time comes. There can be other times. I hope I see you around again before you go if you do.

That's pretty cool. It probably is a euphoria because you have nothing to lose anymore but I suppose why not ride it out while it lasts if it is working.

Yeah, I guess if I'm starting to feel better, might as well as live and see where things go. I guess I'll try to keep things clean so if I change my mind it won't require as much set up in terms of cleaning and organizing my things. I want to try to make things as easy as possible for my family.

(as an aside, never heard about apricot seeds...didn't know it was a thing...)

Lol, yeah, I found the method here. I'm kinda surprised that more people on this website don't know about it.
I made a post here if you're interested in reading about it.

Also confused by the method. I assume you're going for cyanide poisoning but the levels in an apricot seed are almost untraceable aren't they? Wouldn't you have to eat like 100?

I am going for cyanide poisoning! And Nope! For apricot seeds you only need to eat a few. From my research and the warning label on the bag I have eating more than 3 can be fatal. For bitter almonds it's around 50. For sweet almonds and apple seeds you do need a few hundred to a few thousand.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, I guess if I'm starting to feel better, might as well as live and see where things go. I guess I'll try to keep things clean so if I change my mind it won't require as much set up in terms of cleaning and organizing my things. I want to try to make things as easy as possible for my family.

Lol, yeah, I found the method here. I'm kinda surprised that more people on this website don't know about it.
I made a post here if you're interested in reading about it.

I am going for cyanide poisoning! And Nope! For apricot seeds you only need to eat a few. From my research and the warning label on the bag I have eating more than 3 can be fatal. For bitter almonds it's around 50. For sweet almonds and apple seeds you do need a few hundred to a few thousand.

Yeah, I think that was a high from working out and having a ctb date so soon. Tried today, didn't work. Using another method tomorrow night. That should work unless I'm an idiot or change my mind and back out.

 

[tapetum_lucidum]

afaik many people feel the same before ctb because they know their pain will finally be over

 

[monetpompo]

Lol, yeah, I found the method here. I'm kinda surprised that more people on this website don't know about it.
I made a post here if you're interested in reading about it.

your apricot seed thread went down!!

 

[theboy]

That's a good sign :)

 

[_Gollum_]

Yeah, I think that was a high from working out and having a ctb date so soon. Tried today, didn't work. Using another method tomorrow night. That should work unless I'm an idiot or change my mind and back out.

You mean you tried with the apricot seeds and failed? Or just didn't go through with it?

 

[usernamesarehard]

You mean you tried with the apricot seeds and failed? Or just didn't go through with it?

Tried with apricot seeds, but don't think I ate enough. Just going to use a method I'm 1,000,000% sure will work.
I am still happy that I tried though, I think it helps me know that when the time comes I'll be able to do it.