Venting Im ruined

[dead22222]

Am i fucked if i just discovered i am a narcissist and I am controlled by patterns and emotions I barely can remember and even understand and percieve? People say this shits incurable and youll never be a full self and youre corrupted from developmental issues that are so deep you cant even touch it. All i feel is a well of rage inside me and that I am nothing just fucking garbage corrupted nothing

I dont even care if i feel good or something I am nothing how fucking useless and worthless to the human race

WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORSE


Also to clarify i dont go out of my way to harm people and manipulate, i have a extremely unstable sense of self that is authentic and i use a false self to gain regulation from others and protect my extremely fragile ego. Also i cannot see myself apart from others in conversation. I only learned this shit after self reflection recently, i was unaware before narcissism doesnt have to look like a really loud and boastful person although it can. I am extemely afraid of people in real life. Also narcissim is very similar to bpd and many traits and shit can cross over and appear like mixed within a person and I think thats whats happening to me.

People with a very strong false self who are very functional in real life are able to hide thier feelings really well and not be punctured easily and feel like nothing, these are the people you typically think of with narcissism. If you have a weak false self and are unable to keep it up you deflate easily and feel like a complete shit worthless human even after a very small percieved humilation

 

[timf]

It is difficult for a narcissist to be aware that he is one. If you think you are one, you are more than halfway to being able to change.

With problems of variable identity, you might consider picking an imaginary identity and trying it on like a costume. As you learn to work it you might find that some parts do not fit well. As you modify your "costume" your real identity should begin to emerge. This process of imagination can also provide one with the opportunity to adjust those aspects that one desires to change.

The application of a theatrical approach to identity can be useful in allowing greater experimentation with changes.

 

[Innereye]

It is difficult for a narcissist to be aware that he is one. If you think you are one, you are more than halfway to being able to change.

With problems of variable identity, you might consider picking an imaginary identity and trying it on like a costume. As you learn to work it you might find that some parts do not fit well. As you modify your "costume" your real identity should begin to emerge. This process of imagination can also provide one with the opportunity to adjust those aspects that one desires to change.

The application of a theatrical approach to identity can be useful in allowing greater experimentation with changes.

Pathological NPD is incurable. Currently no scientific way to recreate separation individuation (origin of the self.) Best you can hope for Is rearranging your grandiosity to value honesty and Self-Awareness.

 

[dead22222]

It is difficult for a narcissist to be aware that he is one. If you think you are one, you are more than halfway to being able to change.

With problems of variable identity, you might consider picking an imaginary identity and trying it on like a costume. As you learn to work it you might find that some parts do not fit well. As you modify your "costume" your real identity should begin to emerge. This process of imagination can also provide one with the opportunity to adjust those aspects that one desires to change.

The application of a theatrical approach to identity can be useful in allowing greater experimentation with changes.

If being self aware of it is not common for a narcissist do you think I am overreacting and this can be something else? I want to have hope that it is but i dont know. Thank you for the advice i will try it out

 

[timf]

I saw a Youtube video where a guy was answering the question if Aspergers was the same as narcissism. He cited as an example that a person with Aspergers would consider the possibility and likely likely conclude that he was not. The narcissist would most likely not even consider the possibility.

I think that as with Aspergers there are neurological conditions that present with sensory and cognitive data so abundant that it can be overwhelming. This can look to an observer as the self-involvement typical of narcissism.

 

[dead22222]

Is there a reason you think it's NPD and not BPD? Most people with NPD wouldn't really be self-aware about it, let alone torn up about the idea.

I haven't dabbled in psychology much since I graduated, but I remember more recent research showing that people with NPD don't often do things from a mindset of wanting to hurt people. I remember reading stuff like that they have empathy but it's selective and that one of the reasons we think they hurt other people is because their own emotions in regards to fear/pain/sadness are so muted.

I would tentatively say it doesn't sound like you have NPD. Still, even if you did, you could make decent strides with it. There will usually always be elements of it in a truly NPD person, but they can still live more self-aware and responsible lives.

If you are able to access a therapist and/or psychiatrist that should be your immediate next step.

Im not really sure which it is I can see elements of both in myself, however the main thing is the false self that protects from authenticity and constantly striving for things rather than feeling ok with who I am and intense self hatred. I learned today that borderlines also have a false self that is mostly themed around fitting in and not being abandoned by others, rather than constantly reaffirming a idealized image of yourself like in a NPD false self. I can see both in myself so I cant really tell. im very unstable emotionally but at the same time its like I cant feel anything at all

Like you said im looking for a therapist who specializes in this right now so then I can know for sure

I saw a Youtube video where a guy was answering the question if Aspergers was the same as narcissism. He cited as an example that a person with Aspergers would consider the possibility and likely likely conclude that he was not. The narcissist would most likely not even consider the possibility.

I think that as with Aspergers there are neurological conditions that present with sensory and cognitive data so abundant that it can be overwhelming. This can look to an observer as the self-involvement typical of narcissism.

I almost was diagnosed with autism but they stopoed replying to contact after the assessment was over, but in the final appointment they said I do have it so maybe its something related to that

 

[Abbadab]

I'm sleep deprived and realized I started about talking about ASPD in my second sentence so disregard that

I'm glad you're getting professional help. That should hopefully provide some clarity that an exhausted internet rando can't lol

 

[Life_and_Death]

theres this person on fb i watch sometimes, she had BPD and NPD in recovery (and in a relationship with a sociopath). maybe places like that would be a start? Kylee Rackam if youre interested. you should be able to find something on youtube and maybe other platforms, im not 100% sure.