I'm scared to take SN and what can happen after.

[Kay.Lana]

I'm almost 30 and I suffer from depression. Few clinics, many different meds, many different doctors. No degree, no friends, almost zero work experience and no energy to try one again at 28. Recently I decided I want to go, convincing myself, that I lived and tried enough for my (very supportive) mom. I can't see any future for myself, I'm unfortunately just exhausted and I feel like I never actually wanted to live.
I don't actually want to die, honestly I wish I would never exist. I'm not scared of death, but more scared of failure and minutes/hours before death if I decided to take SN (I see the most people recommending that as a method). Like pain, throwing up, seizure etc. Even drinking this sh"t would be scary, because every time I drink something that tastes/smells bad I feel like throwing up immediately.
Can something prevent this? Honestly my "dream death" would be trough Carbon monoxide poisoning - apparently you just go to sleep and never wake up, but it's hard to organize (although I've read it's pretty popular in S.Korea). Do you guys know other methods, that can lead to calmer death than SN? Particular meds mix?

 

[cali22♡]

I am also joining this thread

 

[LunarLight]

We can't advise methods as it goes against the rules. You can check the Suicide Resource Compilation out (sticky thread).

 

[Kay.Lana]

But I guess someone can still answer first question? A lot of people talks openly here about SN. So I hope - talking about minimize "side effects" is allowed?

 

[sevennn]

also scared SN because salty taste vomit stomach pain. conscious while dying. scary. sorry for pain. can relate. wish could go together. i dream propofol death.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also wish I never existed at all, I never should have existed in the first place but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find peace from all the suffering, I also just wish for a death like never waking again.

 

[Kay.Lana]

also scared SN because salty taste vomit stomach pain. conscious while dying. scary. sorry for pain. can relate. wish could go together. i dream propofol death.

Propofol? I never thought about it, but I'll assume it's hard to get. The more I read about it the harder it looks... But at this point life is even harder, I'm just scared it would be much worse if I failed and had an organs damage or a brain damage. It's like a competition of fears. Fear of failure while living and fear of failure while dying. Why the fuck does it have to be so complicated

 

[sevennn]

Propofol? I never thought about it, but I'll assume it's hard to get. The more I read about it the harder it looks... But at this point life is even harder, I'm just scared it would be much worse if I failed and had an organs damage or a brain damage. It's like a competition of fears. Fear of failure while living and fear of failure while dying. Why the fuck does it have to be so complicated

because world not pro choice when comes t suicide. sad. world hates choice. freedoms. only like control. power over another. choice world hates. also feel you. even propofol scary when dying becayse variables because what if wake up damaged. but propofol very peaceful from what read and heard. very. but no one to look over as die. so variables. suicide last unfairness n life. isn't it. all unfair till last moment. life scary hard sad. scared. sorry. share thoughts back too

 

[squidsponge]

I think SN is the sweet spot and it really is as calm and accessible as it gets. There's give and take for other methods depending on what you're willing to forego. If you're looking for an on/off switch that is somehow easy to get.. we would already be raving about it here

 

[donwhitman]

Have some drinks and taking xanax b4 hand.

 

[LostSoul1965]

also scared SN because salty taste vomit stomach pain. conscious while dying. scary. sorry for pain. can relate. wish could go together. i dream propofol death.

You can get Propofol from an online pharmacy.

 

[JustAnx]

With my little so far knowledge
N is the dream, but impossible to get.
I thought i might be able to get it, in a near country but i think if indeed i could get it it would be an intravenous solution and i wouldn't be able to inject something to myself.

 

[Kay.Lana]

With my little so far knowledge
N is the dream, but impossible to get.
I thought i might be able to get it, in a near country but i think if indeed i could get it it would be an intravenous solution and i wouldn't be able to inject something to myself.

Nope, unfortunately you're not able to do IV on your own, so it's not even an option... That's why people here are talking mostly about taking SN orally , but tbh I can't even imagine the taste. I know it sounds like I don't want do die enough, but like I mentioned sometimes I can almost vomit just because something smells bad and I can't even take painkiller drops without gagging and it's just a small amount. But yeah, the truth is Sodium nitrate is often easy to get just as a substance, but idk where you live if you say it's impossible.

 

[JustAnx]

Nope, unfortunately you're not able to do IV on your own, so it's not even an option... That's why people here are talking mostly about taking SN orally , but tbh I can't even imagine the taste. I know it sounds like I don't want do die enough, but like I mentioned sometimes I can almost vomit just because something smells bad and I can't even take painkiller drops without gagging and it's just a small amount. But yeah, the truth is Sodium nitrate is often easy to get just as a substance, but idk where you live if you say it's impossible.

I said N not SN

 

[lionetta12]

I'm almost 30 and I suffer from depression. Few clinics, many different meds, many different doctors. No degree, no friends, almost zero work experience and no energy to try one again at 28. Recently I decided I want to go, convincing myself, that I lived and tried enough for my (very supportive) mom. I can't see any future for myself, I'm unfortunately just exhausted and I feel like I never actually wanted to live.
I don't actually want to die, honestly I wish I would never exist. I'm not scared of death, but more scared of failure and minutes/hours before death if I decided to take SN (I see the most people recommending that as a method). Like pain, throwing up, seizure etc. Even drinking this sh"t would be scary, because every time I drink something that tastes/smells bad I feel like throwing up immediately.
Can something prevent this? Honestly my "dream death" would be trough Carbon monoxide poisoning - apparently you just go to sleep and never wake up, but it's hard to organize (although I've read it's pretty popular in S.Korea). Do you guys know other methods, that can lead to calmer death than SN? Particular meds mix?

Holding your nose/blocking the nostrils can remove some taste and smell, try it next time you eat something or drink something to test it out. I do that when I have to taste beer that friends offer me sometimes at parties because it taste bad to me so I hold my nose so that I don't have to taste it. Other alternative that a small amount of people here have used was to buy empty pill gel capsules? No idea if that helped them avoid the flavour and the effectiveness of that, but in theory it could I guess.

I will say this though, even if you have antiemetic's to try and avoid vomiting, I am pretty certain that you will vomit at least once based on some good bye threads where people did use antiemetics and what is to be expected. I'm also speaking from experience with some physical medical treatment this year where I got Meto at the hospital and I still vomited several times regardless and it was so fucking painful and awful to vomit several times regardless of having consumed Metoclopramide that I wanted life to be over after all that vomiting and I told the staff that I don't want to live. Couldn't speak after that for the next 9 hours or move due to the pain and felt like vomiting nonstop if I were to move or drink any water.