I'm so fcking angry because...

[livingded]

My crush/fwb. Today I texted him a screenshot of my tattoo artist and the appointment we booked. It will be my 8th tattoo. I was very excited and sent it to him.
Instead, he replied with "but where do you find all that money for tatoos" with emoji. I felt very bad and offended.
I replied that its my savings and I use them only for priorities such as tatoos.
I dont know if I am overreacting ut inside I feel extremely hurt. Its my money, I spend it how I want! Instead of saying to me "wow, good for you".
He recently bought 100 dices for D&D and spent money but I never ever said to him "where do you find all the money?". I said to him "wow, cool!"
Seriously it hurted me inside, I feel heavy on my stomach.
After my reply he never replied. ANd im here so fucking unwell bc of his comment.

 

[so tired or manic]

he might just be jealous and didn't think too much on how his words reflected outside his head

 

[livingded]

yes i too think he is jealous/envy
i should have said "i feel hurt and offended after your comment". it seemed like a mockery.

 

[KleinerWolf]

As a person who loves tattoos and plan on getting more in the near future,
I reckon tattoos are indeed costing a fortune.
For people that have no tattoos,
it is hard for them to grasp how much passion we have for tattoos.
Tattoos are basically self-expression of your identities and the things you like.
They also look beautiful.
They don't understand the value of art but he could have at least worded his sentence a little bit better...

 

[so tired or manic]

I've always wanted a tattoo, but the few I was dead set on before would be nothing more than a painful memory now. when I get one it will have little meaning other than being something fun to look at. or maybe a chocobo.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I've always wanted a tattoo, but the few I was dead set on before would be nothing more than a painful memory now. when I get one it will have little meaning other than being something fun to look at. or maybe a chocobo.

Yeah true.
I've got tattoos with patriotism themes,
as well as design related to my work.
However 10 years from now,
I'd probably become a different version of myself and favoring a different country& work in a different field.
Situations change, people change too.
These tattoos will become sour by then.
But at least it represents a certain period of my life.
I think I've liked my tattoos for so long that even if it does become sour, it would have been worthwhile while it lasted.

Tattoo doesn't necessarily have to be "meaningful", it can be something that looks cool, a nice design
As long as you like it and you've liked it for more than a year,
you can probably get it without having regrets.
chocobo sounds cool
perhaps you'd be able to get it oneday

 

[Sinai Silence]

I don't understand why he can't be supportive of your decisions. I love getting tattoos and they do a world of good for me mentally too.

There are always naysayers for getting tattoos best thing to do is just ignore it. I like D&D as much as the next person but I can't see him ever needing 100 dice. But still you were supportive of his purchase. Maybe he didn't mean to offend you with what he said but he clearly wasn't thinking. He should atleast apologise to you.

 

[livingded]

Ye

I don't understand why he can't be supportive of your decisions. I love getting tattoos and they do a world of good for me mentally too.

There are always naysayers for getting tattoos best thing to do is just ignore it. I like D&D as much as the next person but I can't see him ever needing 100 dice. But still you were supportive of his purchase. Maybe he didn't mean to offend you with what he said but he clearly wasn't thinking. He should atleast apologise to you.

Yeh and then he sent me memes that had nothing to do with that. meaning that he thinkhs that what he said didnt impact me and was a joke. i forgot now tho....
I want a body full of tattooos and he has only 1. I tatoo myself on the impulse, I like a subject and do it without regrets. I love all my tattoos. People like him dont understand that you can tattoo for the aesthetic, and that you can your whole body.
I met another guy before that was like "oh stop now with all the tattoos". They dont understand what its like.
He would never said that to me in person. Why hiding behind a text? ANyways if he buys other 1'00 dice sets i would say to him "wow thats cool!"

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think that you sending him the photo and the appointment, something you are excited about, was a gesture of emotional intimacy, and he pushed that away by negating it, and your reaction to that is natural.

I'm empathetic that it may hurt to hear this but the real harm is in not knowing -- this guy doesn't genuinely care about you, not even as a friend, and he's making it clear by being covertly aggressive. I think he's making it clear without saying so that he doesn't want to be anything more than a WB -- not a genuine F, and not a BF. If you don't keep playing by his "rules," you'll be discarded.

I'm sure this is not the first time his behaviors have revealed that they don't match his words. Listen to the behaviors, not the words. Listen to your feelings in response to his actions. He makes you feel like shit. You're not shit. And he's not going to change. But you can protect your heart from further hurt and go no contact with him.

 

[livingded]

I think that you sending him the photo and the appointment, something you are excited about, was a gesture of emotional intimacy, and he pushed that away by negating it, and your reaction to that is natural.

I'm empathetic that it may hurt to hear this but the real harm is in not knowing -- this guy doesn't genuinely care about you, not even as a friend, and he's making it clear by being covertly aggressive. I think he's making it clear without saying so that he doesn't want to be anything more than a WB -- not a genuine F, and not a BF. If you don't keep playing by his "rules," you'll be discarded.

I'm sure this is not the first time his behaviors have revealed that they don't match his words. Listen to the behaviors, not the words. Listen to your feelings in response to his actions. He makes you feel like shit. You're not shit. And he's not going to change. But you can protect your heart from further hurt and go no contact with him.

the thing is ,when we seee in person, its like he listen to what i have to say, we spend hours and hours only talking and he doesnt have a weird behaviour. but he is emotionally distant for sure

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

the thing is ,when we seee in person, its like he listen to what i have to say, we spend hours and hours only talking and he doesnt have a weird behaviour. but he is emotionally distant for sure

Do you also have sex when you see each other in person?

Whatever is going on, I suggest you step back and look at all of his actions, when together and when apart. They communicate more than he does. Emotional distance is part of it. Notice how much he gets out of the time you spend together vs how much you do. For instance, you were happy for him with the D&D stuff, but when it came to your tattoos, he was aggressive. He sounds like a vampire, like you exist to make him feel good and to serve him, but he does not reciprocate except to make just enough investments so that you'll stay and keep feeding him your life force. It's not just sex.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I think youre overreacting. Making a mountain out of a molehill. He probably didnt mean anything by it. He'd probably be surprised to know he hurt your feelings.

 

[strand]

Yeah, that sucks. To be honest, I can't tell if they had a specific motive for replying like that (to criticize you etc), maybe they had, maybe they didn't have, I think only you can tell because you know them irl.
What I wanted to say is that your reply was ok. Even if it was an overreaction (I can't tell), it's not like you cursed at them, you just seemed cold at worst, and besides, it's ok to be hurt by things like tone or wording. Those two matter in communication too.
I hope you feel better now. (and also I hope they weren't actually being sarcastic).

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Some people are just like that tbh, I wouldn't think too much of it. I'm sure it was a passive comment.

 

[AvaAdore]

If a friend you didn't have sex with or have a crush on said something like that would it make you feel the same way?

 

[mathieu]

I don't think he meant anything by it, just that tattoos are expensive and he was commenting on that.

 

[Pryras]

Having nearly an identical experience, I'm almost positive he's loving the "with benefits" and not too concerned about being a good friend. I agree with @GoodPersonEffed

Honestly, I don't think the two worlds can mix but that's just my opinion and experience. Once sex is involved the friendship dwindles and isn't nearly as important to him as it is for you.

 

[livingded]

Do you also have sex when you see each other in person?

Whatever is going on, I suggest you step back and look at all of his actions, when together and when apart. They communicate more than he does. Emotional distance is part of it. Notice how much he gets out of the time you spend together vs how much you do. For instance, you were happy for him with the D&D stuff, but when it came to your tattoos, he was aggressive. He sounds like a vampire, like you exist to make him feel good and to serve him, but he does not reciprocate except to make just enough investments so that you'll stay and keep feeding him your life force. It's not just sex.

yes...we meet only for that. He hides his real motivations and makes me see that he really wants to talk and have a conversation. But in reality Im not stupid, I know he texts me only for sex.

Do you also have sex when you see each other in person?

Whatever is going on, I suggest you step back and look at all of his actions, when together and when apart. They communicate more than he does. Emotional distance is part of it. Notice how much he gets out of the time you spend together vs how much you do. For instance, you were happy for him with the D&D stuff, but when it came to your tattoos, he was aggressive. He sounds like a vampire, like you exist to make him feel good and to serve him, but he does not reciprocate except to make just enough investments so that you'll stay and keep feeding him your life force. It's not just sex.

i think he wants all the positive things that a relationship can offer (so, sex, connection with a person, being listened to, bonding, emotional intimacy, intimacy,, affection, company especially) but without being in a relationship. I dont know what hppened with his ex but it seems like he is terrified of being in a relationship again. Terrified of the responsability maybe, or maybe he feels trapped, makes sense if he is avoidant. In a way yes, he takes but without giving, emotional vampire. I think that is his dark side, deep down in his unconscious.
I also get that he is afraid of being alone, he needs that connection. And he thinks thru sex, he has that.
But intimacy is not always about sex.
I miss spending time together and doing things without the sex (we rarely did that, maybe the first weeks together). Bonding without having sex I mean.
I'm seeing a therapist to work on my attachment to him.
The therapist said, this guy is a necessity for me. He has to become an option. Also, I need to create a more nurturing life in order to detach.

If a friend you didn't have sex with or have a crush on said something like that would it make you feel the same way?

i think yes

 

[Emily_Numb]

Controversial opinion incoming:

Based on him saying this, I am guessing you have previously complained about not being able to pay bills, tuition, prescription refills, unable to do XYZ etc yet somehow have money for tattoos. I had a lot of friends who claimed never to have money but would always be buying new shoes/clothes and such.

To him, a tattoo is in no way a necessity and almost certainly not a priority. If you are having money problems in other areas of life then they probably shouldn't be either.

Having said that, if you are on low income then he's probably suprised you have spare money or/and are able to save for things you like. I would agree with that sentiment too.

I think it's an over action on your part really but perhaps because you may feel there is some truth to what he says?

Feel free to ignore my opinion of course but I'm just showing you the other side of the argument.

 

[Grav]

I agree with Emily, without knowing more than what was written. If there was an issue with money or an inability to pay for food, housing, utilities I understand his surprise. If that's never been a topic/issue then it sounds odd that he'd react that way unless he had no idea you saved money or really liked tattoos. I've never been in a FWB relationship although I had a female friend who was in one and it was just for him to have a backup girl whereas she thought it was more. Maybe take a cool off and let things rest a few days.

I like D&D as much as the next person but I can't see him ever needing 100 dice.

Oh you have no idea! I LOVE dice and can't resist them! I am a dice dragon with a nice sparkly horde. But this is also after 40+ years of gaming.

 

[Nymph]

My crush/fwb. Today I texted him a screenshot of my tattoo artist and the appointment we booked. It will be my 8th tattoo. I was very excited and sent it to him.
Instead, he replied with "but where do you find all that money for tatoos" with emoji. I felt very bad and offended.
I replied that its my savings and I use them only for priorities such as tatoos.
I dont know if I am overreacting ut inside I feel extremely hurt. Its my money, I spend it how I want! Instead of saying to me "wow, good for you".
He recently bought 100 dices for D&D and spent money but I never ever said to him "where do you find all the money?". I said to him "wow, cool!"
Seriously it hurted me inside, I feel heavy on my stomach.
After my reply he never replied. ANd im here so fucking unwell bc of his comment.

Sorry that happened to you, try to not think about it (I knowwww, easier said than done) you do you, you made that money and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it.