Im so scared

[7BLue7]

I really want to die but I'm so afraid to. I probably won't be able to CTB without spending my last moments terrified. And I know that once I'm dead I won't care anymore, fear is my only obstacle and yet I can't overcome it.

I feel so trapped. I guess I feel forced to CTB because living has always been so painful. A part of me wishes I had just been born into a different life because it feels like I wasn't even given a chance to live. I was thrown into something horrible and so I have no choice but to leave. Even though I wanted to experience so many great things, I won't be able to.
And even if my situation gets better, I think there's something wrong with my mind because I have always been like this. Even if everything changes I will always feel like this. After spending my entire life hoping that I would eventually feel better, I have come to realise and accept that nothing changes. And so I have become more terrified as I realise I have no choice but to continue suffering or CTB.

It's been so weird watching my depression and anxiety progress over the years. I never expected it to be this bad. I always thought things like CTB and SH were so extreme, yet here I am.

 

[citrusrope]

I'm sorry to hear that. But also, I relate hard with your words.

I often think about how fucked up it is that even in CTBing I won't have peace because I'd be so scared and anxious doing it. So the feeling of feeling like I have no other choice but to CTB because I fundamentally feel like something is wrong with me, and bcs the world sucks; but also not being able to CTB with feeling relief in my last moments, it all feels so fucking sad. Like damn, I can't even have this one thing for myself??

I didn't think my depression and anxiety would get this bad either like you. Ugh your words really resonate. It sucks.

 

[Average Joe]

I really want to die but I'm so afraid to. I probably won't be able to CTB without spending my last moments terrified. And I know that once I'm dead I won't care anymore, fear is my only obstacle and yet I can't overcome it.

I feel so trapped. I guess I feel forced to CTB because living has always been so painful. A part of me wishes I had just been born into a different life because it feels like I wasn't even given a chance to live. I was thrown into something horrible and so I have no choice but to leave. Even though I wanted to experience so many great things, I won't be able to.
And even if my situation gets better, I think there's something wrong with my mind because I have always been like this. Even if everything changes I will always feel like this. After spending my entire life hoping that I would eventually feel better, I have come to realise and accept that nothing changes. And so I have become more terrified as I realise I have no choice but to continue suffering or CTB.

It's been so weird watching my depression and anxiety progress over the years. I never expected it to be this bad. I always thought things like CTB and SH were so extreme, yet here I am.

I'm so sorry to hear about your suffering. Having depression and anxiety is a horrible mix and I wouldn't wish it on anyone :(

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much, I understand finding it painful to exist. But anyway I wish you the best.