Help I'm starting to genuinely scare myself.

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I feel like there are two phases that I go through constantly.

I'll either be sober, and clean.

Or I'll be actively engaging in any type of self injury I can get my hands on.


It's been bad lately. I broke a 6 month self harm streak. I don't know how many more times I can destroy myself. I think I will ctb, eventually. I'm scared that it's going to be sooner than I think.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

We're here for you! What's going through your mind right now?

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

We're here for you! What's going through your mind right now?

Honestly? I'm just really thinking about all the recent SN posts recently. It sounds like a method that works well for me.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Honestly? I'm just really thinking about all the recent SN posts recently. It sounds like a method that works well for me.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat actually. CTB never seemed doable for me but that is totally within the realm of possibility. I'm trying to exhaust all of my options first and I encourage you to do the same. Only you can decide what's right for you!

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

Yeah, I'm in the same boat actually. CTB never seemed doable for me but that is totally within the realm of possibility. I'm trying to exhaust all of my options first and I encourage you to do the same. Only you can decide what's right for you!

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

You got it! Sorry you're here but we're glad you're here.

 

[uiop]

From all the SN posts, I've read it seems like a doable method without any major consequences.

!. Metoclopramide to prevent vomiting and nausea (https://www.ebay.com/itm/143173801343)
2.Cimetidine to reduce stomach acidity (https://www.ebay.com/itm/TAGAMET-HB...:sc:USPSFirstClass!92655!US!-1&frcectupt=true)

1. Some benzodiazepines / opioids (The onion fields - if you want to have some fun -)
2. 100g + of sodium nitrite (https://www.ebay.com/itm/Sodium-Nit...e=STRK:MEBIDX:IT&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649)

1. Make sure you're taking your Meto on a regular basis, and a does 30 minutes before drinking or SN
2. Now you mix 10g of SN with 100mg with water.
3. If you have any benzos, talk them now. It'll make you feel good (:
4. Drink solution, lie down, listen to your favorite music and have sweet dreams (:

You could check out @Tristesse on her status page.

 

[TheRiverStyz]

If you're seriously bothered by suicidal thoughts/ideation, please seek professional help. As much as many of us here badmouth doctors and therapists, sometimes they could really provide help. If you're not comfortable with professionals, I think a lot of us on here are happy to lend an ear (or a pair of eyes, more likely) for your troubles.

If you are leaning toward CTB, I hope you choose your methods wisely and it all goes the way you hope.

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

From all the SN posts, I've read it seems like a doable method without any major consequences.

!. Metoclopramide to prevent vomiting and nausea (https://www.ebay.com/itm/143173801343)
2.Cimetidine to reduce stomach acidity (https://www.ebay.com/itm/TAGAMET-HB...:sc:USPSFirstClass!92655!US!-1&frcectupt=true)

1. Some benzodiazepines / opioids (The onion fields - if you want to have some fun -)
2. 100g + of sodium nitrite (https://www.ebay.com/itm/Sodium-Nitrite-99-30-grams/191033150856?ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDXT&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649)

1. Make sure you're taking your Meto on a regular basis, and a does 30 minutes before drinking or SN
2. Now you mix 10g of SN with 100mg with water.
3. If you have any benzos, talk them now. It'll make you feel good (:
4. Drink solution, lie down, listen to your favorite music and have sweet dreams (:

You could check out @Tristesse on her status page.

Thank you, this is very comprehensive (:

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

If you're seriously bothered by suicidal thoughts/ideation, please seek professional help. As much as many of us here badmouth doctors and therapists, sometimes they could really provide help. If you're not comfortable with professionals, I think a lot of us on here are happy to lend an ear (or a pair of eyes, more likely) for your troubles.

If you are leaning toward CTB, I hope you choose your methods wisely and it all goes the way you hope.

I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist in a few days, actually. Lmao I had to compromise with her to get the medication I wanted(testosterone), so I agreed to do a psychological evaluation.

It really does seem pointless, as I do plan on ctb eventually. It just seems inevitable.

 

[TheRiverStyz]

It really does seem pointless, as I do plan on ctb eventually. It just seems inevitable.

I totally understand that but I wish you best of luck on your appointment, anyway. Sometimes people change their mind, and even if you don't, you can say you've tried.

 

[uiop]

If you're seriously bothered by suicidal thoughts/ideation, please seek professional help. As much as many of us here badmouth doctors and therapists, sometimes they could really provide help. If you're not comfortable with professionals, I think a lot of us on here are happy to lend an ear (or a pair of eyes, more likely) for your troubles.

If you are leaning toward CTB, I hope you choose your methods wisely and it all goes the way you hope.

I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals, shit gets expensive quick. They treat you like cattle, and the doctors only have 30 seconds to check up on you, so you know they don't really care. Speaking to the members of this form has actually helped me untangle the mess in my brain because - to some degree - we can all relate to one another. My psychiatrist helps well, I like talking to him, but he's running out of tools to help me. On our last appointment, he was basically begging to make an appoint with a therapist, since they're trained in critical and interpersonal skills.

I'm very skeptical about therapy, I don't trust them. I'm scared of what I might find out. @AnnihilatedAnna recommends that I go see a one to manage my symptoms, but I find it unsettling disclosing my personal life to a person I don't know / care for; however, I know this is a next logical step if I want to ever get better. I just have to make a leap into faith.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm very skeptical about therapy, I don't trust them. I'm scared of what I might find out. @AnnihilatedAnna recommends that I go see a one to manage my symptoms, but I find it unsettling disclosing my personal life to a person I don't know / care for; however, I know this is a next logical step if I want to ever get better. I just have to make a leap into faith.

I think everyone is scared skeptical about therapy at first, and I completely agree, it is kind of unsettling to talk about your personal life with a stranger, but isn't that what we all do on here? Irl it is scarier but, we've all done it on here. Or some place else.

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I've had a very hard time finding a therapist that I can connect with.

I put my absolute trust in one, once. I saw them for about a year, until they decided to go back to school. It's been years, and I'm still searching for another person I can connect to. I feel like it's very important to find someone you can trust.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I've had a very hard time finding a therapist that I can connect with.

I put my absolute trust in one, once. I saw them for about a year, until they decided to go back to school. It's been years, and I'm still searching for another person I can connect to. I feel like it's very important to find someone you can trust.

I think that is the most important thing. A relationship with a therapist should be completely built on trust.

 

[uiop]

I think everyone is scared skeptical about therapy at first, and I completely agree, it is kind of unsettling to talk about your personal life with a stranger, but isn't that what we all do on here? Irl it is scarier but, we've all done it on here. Or some place else.

I completely agree with your argument. I'm guess I'm just afraid of the human contact, establishing rapport, and being judged. I may be competent at expresing my thoughts through written word, but I struggle when I try to verbalize thise thoughts. My mind just goes blank. I don't want to take a chance on that happening, and it's one of the main reasons I'm holding back.

But my reality exists only in the mind; if I believe that I'm in hell, then I truly am.

 

[Darkhole]

From all the SN posts, I've read it seems like a doable method without any major consequences.

!. Metoclopramide to prevent vomiting and nausea (https://www.ebay.com/itm/143173801343)
2.Cimetidine to reduce stomach acidity (https://www.ebay.com/itm/TAGAMET-HB...:sc:USPSFirstClass!92655!US!-1&frcectupt=true)

1. Some benzodiazepines / opioids (The onion fields - if you want to have some fun -)
2. 100g + of sodium nitrite (https://www.ebay.com/itm/Sodium-Nitrite-99-30-grams/191033150856?ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDXT&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649)

1. Make sure you're taking your Meto on a regular basis, and a does 30 minutes before drinking or SN
2. Now you mix 10g of SN with 100mg with water.
3. If you have any benzos, talk them now. It'll make you feel good (:
4. Drink solution, lie down, listen to your favorite music and have sweet dreams (:

You could check out @Tristesse on her status page.

15 g** SN according to PPeH

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

15 g** SN according to PPeH

This might have been answered before, but what if you went over 15g, to be cautious? I assume you would probably just vomit, but could you adjust the amount of Meto you take?

 

[Darkhole]

This might have been answered before, but what if you went over 15g, to be cautious? I assume you would probably just vomit, but could you adjust the amount of Meto you take?

15-20 but I don't think you have to adjust meto. I recommend reading the sn megathread from the beginning as there isn't a perfect answer.

 

[dandan]

This might have been answered before, but what if you went over 15g, to be cautious? I assume you would probably just vomit, but could you adjust the amount of Meto you take?

I've heard pain occurs when you go over, its not a good thing, thats what I've heard, it makes a burning in your stomach, like hole..

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I completely agree with your argument. I'm guess I'm just afraid of the human contact, establishing rapport, and being judged. I may be competent at expresing my thoughts through written word, but I struggle when I try to verbalize thise thoughts. My mind just goes blank. I don't want to take a chance on that happening, and it's one of the main reasons I'm holding back.

But my reality exists only in the mind; if I believe that I'm in hell, then I truly am.

Might sound really stupid though but I keep a notebook for appointments were I write words in, Ill attach a picture because I don't remember the word. I find that to be really helpful. It makes me remember what I wanted to say and talk about. Sometimes I write letters to, so I can express my self a bit better.

Hope it is useful
Couldn't attach a photo but I mean like this:

- explain what happened in head

-why do you care?
That way.

 

[uiop]

Might sound really stupid though but I keep a notebook for appointments were I write words in, Ill attach a picture because I don't remember the word. I find that to be really helpful. It makes me remember what I wanted to say and talk about. Sometimes I write letters to, so I can express my self a bit better.

Hope it is useful
Couldn't attach a photo but I mean like this:

- explain what happened in head

-why do you care?
That way.

I do the same thing, except in my head. We do, afterall, over analyzing the over the most miniscule things don't we? I don't have much pictures, except the ones my friend sends me. All i have are my memories. But I'll entertain advise, jot down my ideas and emotions, see if it works. It's all a matter if will power and motivation at that point.

I plan to set an appointment with a therapist next month when I sew my psychiatrist. I hope that I'll be able to intangle this mess in my brain.

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I've heard pain occurs when you go over, its not a good thing, thats what I've heard, it makes a burning in your stomach, like hole..

Hmm, okay!

 

[zen]

From all the SN posts, I've read it seems like a doable method without any major consequences.

!. Metoclopramide to prevent vomiting and nausea (https://www.ebay.com/itm/143173801343)
2.Cimetidine to reduce stomach acidity (https://www.ebay.com/itm/TAGAMET-HB...:sc:USPSFirstClass!92655!US!-1&frcectupt=true)

1. Some benzodiazepines / opioids (The onion fields - if you want to have some fun -)
2. 100g + of sodium nitrite (https://www.ebay.com/itm/Sodium-Nitrite-99-30-grams/191033150856?ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDXT&_trksid=p2057872.m2749.l2649)

1. Make sure you're taking your Meto on a regular basis, and a does 30 minutes before drinking or SN
2. Now you mix 10g of SN with 100mg with water.
3. If you have any benzos, talk them now. It'll make you feel good (:
4. Drink solution, lie down, listen to your favorite music and have sweet dreams (:

You could check out @Tristesse on her status page.

Would benzos take us to sleep...?isnt SN method to be done on empty stomach? How would we relax empty stomach? SI wont kick when we are under benzos effect?we wont dial someones no.?