Venting im tired of trying to recover and asking for help

[bloomingdahlia_]

sometimes i wonder...why do i even try to ask for help from people who claim to care but can't even be there when things are dire? im absolutely exhausted, and its not even about being angry at the world and at people anymore, its just being so tired of existing in a life you dont feel you belong in but instead trapped on. people will say "just talk to someone" "just reach out if youre struggling" but what happens when u finally do, and you still feel alone and unheard by everyone? what happens when u actually talk to someone but instead of them just listening, they try to fix you by offering solutions that u arent asking for? whats the point of trying and trying when nothing good is coming out of it? ive lost some of my friends because i can't get better. because they got tired of me. sometimes i feel so bad for them that they even met me because now they have to lose someone in the most tragic way possible. i want them to be free from the burden of watching me suffer but feeling powerless to help. im not worth the effort. im not worth fighting for. whats the point in trying to recover when u dont believe that ur life is worth fighting for? whats the point in fighting for life when everyone leaves u at ur worst? when everyone doesnt think ur worth the effort? im so tired. i have been suicidal for almost 6 years and had attempted suicide so many times yet im still alive, still suffering, still getting worse and worse, still trapped in a dark pit with no way out. i thought i'd already hit the lowest point of my life last year, but i never anticipated that i can go this lower. its like life is punishing me on purpose by making death hard to attain. i truly hope i can attempt again before this month ends. im so done. i want this suffering to end. fuck my life. i want to CTB successfully this month.

 

[Jadeith]

why do i even try to ask for help from people who claim to care but can't even be there when things are dire?

First part of the question - because you still want to get better. Second part of the question - because "being there" is sometimes beyond ones strength. That doesn't mean they don't care. It just means that they do not have enough power or don't know how to help.

what happens when u actually talk to someone but instead of them just listening, they try to fix you by offering solutions that u arent asking for?

Same as above - general knowledge about how to help struggling people is disastrously minimal so those asked for help might no know what you need atm and just offer what they think might be helpful.

whats the point of trying and trying when nothing good is coming out of it?

Because getting mentally better is never easy and almost never works first time so repeated tries are unfortunately required and failures are bound to happen.

im not worth the effort. im not worth fighting for.

Yes, you are. Those who tried to help you (even if help wasn't effective) are living proof of that. And so what if some of them got tired? This is very exhausting process so it's only natural that some people can't keep up with the pressure

i want to CTB successfully this month

Well, whatever you choose, i wish you painless peace.

 

[WhySoSad55555]

I can relate too. When I first started feeling depressed or sad, I had this false hope that things would rlly get better. I got put on prescribed medication, my parents got me a therapist, I tried talking to people more and trying to connect with them. But everything just seemed like a meaningless effort, none of my antidepressants worked, they only brought side effects. When I tried talking to people, or tried making friends, it would always go wrong. And my therapist didn't even appreciate my efforts, I was trying to take her advice. But she would always be impatient and passive aggressive, claiming that I should've improved by now, and maybe I don't rlly want to get better. Sorry for the long text, you don't have to read everything lol. I don't mean to rant or be mean, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone, I feel the same way. And I wish you a peaceful and successful ctb :D