H0110W
Member
- Sep 22, 2021
- 91
I'm a 35 years old guy. I've lived as a recluse for all of my life, due to untreated mental issues, shyness, introversion, and social anxiety. At 34 I felt the worst ever, registered here, and eventually bought the SN and I was ready to die. I managed to snap out of it also thanks to an antidepressant called effexor, the doctor prescribed it to me, I actually went to talk to the doctor to get meto for the SN method, but instead I told him I was depressed and he gave me the effexor, which worked. I managed to get a gf and I lived a happy year with her. Still had constant problems, mostly because we weren't really that compatible after all. She would often drag me to do things when I needed to recover from my social exhaustion. Sometimes I just wanted to be alone, you know?
Right now, it has been 8 months or so since I was dumped. She was often bitter at me and disrespectful. I would make up excuses to not see her after a while because her affection towards me felt overbearing and I was under a lot of stress from work. One day I flat out told her I didn't feel like seeing her because she had disrespected me the day before and I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. Se left me the next week, told me she didn't love me anymore, she wanted to work on herself, that I'll be just fine, that it wasn't my fault.
I was almost happy for a while, I no longer had to schedule my life around her you know, or feel like I was being dragged to another pointless vacation during the weekend, when I needed to rest in loneliness for a while. But now, 8 months later, I feel really lonely and depressed. I broke no-contact 3 months in and she didn't reply. I don't use social media but I know I am blocked on telegram and phone calls. I keep reading online that to fully recover you need to keep yourself busy but I cannot do that. I have no friends and I live with my parents. On top of that, I often have bouts of extreme depression and existential dread. I feel like nothing matters at all, that life is pointless, that I will always suffer like this. If you read my older posts you know what I mean.
Now, I am trying one last time to recover. One of the things that ruined my relationship was the inability to have sex frequently. We both lived with parents, and it was pretty hard to arrange some time for intimacy. Eventually, we wanted to live together and started looking for a house. We couldn't make it and the breakup happened. Anyway, I found an apartment by myself so I'll be living alone. I will move out during the summer, and the apartment will be ready and furnished by the winter.
I hope this will give me a way to recover and finally accept life. But right now? I'm totally pessimistic. I feel the loneliness that awaits me and it makes me to want take the SN. I just feel like it's hopeless, that the house will turn into a mess, that I will live like a hoarder, that I will survive on canned food, that I will go back crawling to my parents. People are usually happy when they move out, I am not.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to get this off my chest. If you have any experience similar to mine, if your situation improved after leaving your parents house please let me know.
Right now, it has been 8 months or so since I was dumped. She was often bitter at me and disrespectful. I would make up excuses to not see her after a while because her affection towards me felt overbearing and I was under a lot of stress from work. One day I flat out told her I didn't feel like seeing her because she had disrespected me the day before and I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. Se left me the next week, told me she didn't love me anymore, she wanted to work on herself, that I'll be just fine, that it wasn't my fault.
I was almost happy for a while, I no longer had to schedule my life around her you know, or feel like I was being dragged to another pointless vacation during the weekend, when I needed to rest in loneliness for a while. But now, 8 months later, I feel really lonely and depressed. I broke no-contact 3 months in and she didn't reply. I don't use social media but I know I am blocked on telegram and phone calls. I keep reading online that to fully recover you need to keep yourself busy but I cannot do that. I have no friends and I live with my parents. On top of that, I often have bouts of extreme depression and existential dread. I feel like nothing matters at all, that life is pointless, that I will always suffer like this. If you read my older posts you know what I mean.
Now, I am trying one last time to recover. One of the things that ruined my relationship was the inability to have sex frequently. We both lived with parents, and it was pretty hard to arrange some time for intimacy. Eventually, we wanted to live together and started looking for a house. We couldn't make it and the breakup happened. Anyway, I found an apartment by myself so I'll be living alone. I will move out during the summer, and the apartment will be ready and furnished by the winter.
I hope this will give me a way to recover and finally accept life. But right now? I'm totally pessimistic. I feel the loneliness that awaits me and it makes me to want take the SN. I just feel like it's hopeless, that the house will turn into a mess, that I will live like a hoarder, that I will survive on canned food, that I will go back crawling to my parents. People are usually happy when they move out, I am not.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to get this off my chest. If you have any experience similar to mine, if your situation improved after leaving your parents house please let me know.
Last edited:
