Imagining yourself making progress

[Deleted member 17949]

Before even doing anything I find that I usually can't even picture myself making progress. Recently I've been able to imagine myself doing things a little more, and while actually doing them is hard I feel better when I can picture myself moving forward rather than only thinking of myself dying.

 

[maru.]

Before even doing anything I find that I usually can't even picture myself making progress. Recently I've been able to imagine myself doing things a little more, and while actually doing them is hard I feel better when I can picture myself moving forward rather than only thinking of myself dying.

It's great that this is working for you, i really hope it helps you overcome your suicidal thoughts in the long run.
Also, congratulations! One of the hardest parts of getting out of this hole we're stuck in is to take that first step, and truly work into improving things.
Keep us updated on how it's going, the ups and downs, and we'll be here for you, lad.

I do it sometimes too, kinda, i picture myself in situations i'd like to be in, things being the way i wish they were, but it's mostly my maladaptive daydreaming more than anything, i know deep down that the things i imagine are nothing but bs, i just do it because it's fun to build up a world of magic when our real lives are tragic, when the time comes for me to actually do anything outside of my own head, i just stay in the safe and comfortable position i'm already in, one that will definitely end in ctb, but still, certain, safe and comfortable.

 

[JoeFailure]

It's great that this is working for you, i really hope it helps you overcome your suicidal thoughts in the long run.
Also, congratulations! One of the hardest parts of getting out of this hole we're stuck in is to take that first step, and truly work into improving things.
Keep us updated on how it's going, the ups and downs, and we'll be here for you, lad.

I do it sometimes too, kinda, i picture myself in situations i'd like to be in, things being the way i wish they were, but it's mostly my maladaptive daydreaming more than anything, i know deep down that the things i imagine are nothing but bs, i just do it because it's fun to build up a world of magic when our real lives are tragic, when the time comes for me to actually do anything outside of my own head, i just stay in the safe and comfortable position i'm already in, one that will definitely end in ctb, but still, certain, safe and comfortable.

Here's the thing about this...I've also had a lifetime of maladaptive daydreaming which I really only realized what it was last year at age 34. I felt the same exact way that you did last year, that it was only ever going to happen inside of my own head.

I'm not going to say this was easy...it took everything I had...but I aimed really high at getting a really well paid job, probably 3 times more than I've ever made...and somehow it happened. It's not happily ever after because I wasn't able to keep up with the work of a salary that high...but I got some great experience and got myself in a much better financial situation.

To the OP...you can build on that momentum. It's a hard thing to do but you have to be OK with failing if that's what it comes down to along the way. But if you keep imagining it and doing a little bit more, you can start to get there.

I don't have the answers beyond that because I still have my really bad days and I'm still very much a work in progress in getting to a point here I'm confident in doing this job but I'm working towards trying again.

 

[maru.]

Here's the thing about this...I've also had a lifetime of maladaptive daydreaming which I really only realized what it was last year at age 34. I felt the same exact way that you did last year, that it was only ever going to happen inside of my own head.

I'm not going to say this was easy...it took everything I had...but I aimed really high at getting a really well paid job, probably 3 times more than I've ever made...and somehow it happened. It's not happily ever after because I wasn't able to keep up with the work of a salary that high...but I got some great experience and got myself in a much better financial situation.

First I'd like to say thank you for the reply and for sharing your experience with us, I'm really grateful for it, my friend :3

I'd also like to say that I'm truly happy for you, I hope your life continues to grow and improve in the future, I hope you can be legitimately happy, from the bottom of my heart.

Ok, now, the thing is, you said that its wasn't easy and took everything you had, and that's the problem, I dont have it in me anymore, just nothing, im too tired (or lazy, idk, fuck me) and right now there's nothing I actually *want* in life anymore, you know? I dont have any goals, interests, or even dreams, everything, with the exception of my fucking amazing friends and colleagues, feels like a chore. The only reason I haven't ctb yet is because of them, cuz I dont really have anything left that I care enough about.

At this point I've already accepted that I'm just going to continue procrastinating and not doing anything to change my life, until it catches up to me and I drop out of college and then ctb. I've decided to enjoy the people I like as much as possible for now while I wait for the inevitable to happen.

I appreciate the kind words and the attempt at helping me, but I think I'm a lost cause already, I'm too lazy, stubborn, spoiled and weak for anyone to be able to help, however, I'm still very grateful for your good intentions, I hope you continue to improve your life and to help other in this forum that, unlike me, are still actually trying, and deserve that help and care.

 

[JoeFailure]

First I'd like to say thank you for the reply and for sharing your experience with us, I'm really grateful for it, my friend :3

I'd also like to say that I'm truly happy for you, I hope your life continues to grow and improve in the future, I hope you can be legitimately happy, from the bottom of my heart.

Ok, now, the thing is, you said that its wasn't easy and took everything you had, and that's the problem, I dont have it in me anymore, just nothing, im too tired (or lazy, idk, fuck me) and right now there's nothing I actually *want* in life anymore, you know? I dont have any goals, interests, or even dreams, everything, with the exception of my fucking amazing friends and colleagues, feels like a chore. The only reason I haven't ctb yet is because of them, cuz I dont really have anything left that I care enough about.

At this point I've already accepted that I'm just going to continue procrastinating and not doing anything to change my life, until it catches up to me and I drop out of college and then ctb. I've decided to enjoy the people I like as much as possible for now while I wait for the inevitable to happen.

I appreciate the kind words and the attempt at helping me, but I think I'm a lost cause already, I'm too lazy, stubborn, spoiled and weak for anyone to be able to help, however, I'm still very grateful for your good intentions, I hope you continue to improve your life and to help other in this forum that, unlike me, are still actually trying, and deserve that help and care.

Thanks for the kind words and wishes for me moving forward, if it works.

You don't have to talk more about your situation if you don't want to or anything...but if you're in college you might still be headed in the right direction.

The "deserving" part is a tough one for so many people. Everyone deserves a happy life. I had a hard time with that too. Like there are a lot of people who don't get the opportunity for a second chance. I still have a massive uphill battle and anxiety every day, so I'd be lying if I said trying to change definitely works, but things did get a little better. Lemme know if you ever want to talk about things you could do. I'm still breaking out of the habit of being lazy. I know my ADHD plays a big part in that but I have to battle harder still. Laziness I've heard is something that can be changed to become hard working. I don't know that it's true yet, but I think it's possible to become less lazy.

 

[maru.]

Thanks for the kind words and wishes for me moving forward, if it works.

You're welcome, lad

You don't have to talk more about your situation if you don't want to or anything...but if you're in college you might still be headed in the right direction.

Thank you for the patience and understanding, I guess being in college is a plus and privilege, but I'm gonna drop out for sure, so I have a hard time being positive about it in anyway at this point. Still, I understand what you mean, and it makes sense to me.

The "deserving" part is a tough one for so many people. Everyone deserves a happy life. I had a hard time with that too.

A part of me really wishes I could genuinely believe this, but another one really doesn't, I guess it's just much easier to ctb if I actively despise myself and think that I had it coming and that i deserve it.

Lemme know if you ever want to talk about things you could do.

Thank you :3
Will do!

I'm still breaking out of the habit of being lazy. I know my ADHD plays a big part in that but I have to battle harder still. Laziness I've heard is something that can be changed to become hard working. I don't know that it's true yet, but I think it's possible to become less lazy.

I dont know if it's my depression or if I'm just a lazy fuck, I believe the latter, but I dont like it at all it feels so spoiled and petty to suicide because of it, its fucking pathetic.
I just feel so tired all of the time, I used to have so much energy and desire, so much curiosity of what life had to offer, I'm 21 now, and all of that is gone already.
I was one of the best in class, always, middle school, high school, but during entrance exams and then college, when I first really got depressed, something changed, a switch flipped, and it hasn't changed since, I wake up exhausted, I rest and I'm still so tired, even though i dont do anything all day, and then the exams come and... i think it's pretty obvious what follows.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Before even doing anything I find that I usually can't even picture myself making progress. Recently I've been able to imagine myself doing things a little more, and while actually doing them is hard I feel better when I can picture myself moving forward rather than only thinking of myself dying.

It's part of the motivation process. Depression doesn't just cause a lack of mental awareness it also stunts your physical energy and motivation.

Taking small steps toward bettering your mental, physical, financial, situational well being will give you a confidence boost. You're supposed to build yourself back up little by little.

The drop into depression is slippery and quick. But the climb out is slow, and arduous.