Impulses Are Funny, and I'm Getting Desperate

[Rocky M]

I've had a particularly rough evening, worse than the usual bullshit. I thought "hey, maybe I could take the car to the lake and drown myself right now. Shallow Water Blackout doesn't seem half bad, and if I don't drown right away, I'll freeze to death instead", but I don't know why I stopped myself. It's not like there's any reason for me to stay at this point. Even with my plans for hanging next month, I still wanted to get this done and over with. I even took my car keys and got ready to go.

What's odd is that I know drowning is one of the most agonizing methods, so why did I choose it automatically? Maybe knowing how painful it would be is what stopped me? I don't know. Anyways, I'm in my room now, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight (again), but I just find it funny how I chose the worst possible method without any second thoughts.

I think I'm just getting a little impatient, waiting for December to come around

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Increasing desperation to get out.

I've been feeling it lately myself. Suddenly considering things like hanging and even just stabbing myself. Whatever the hell it takes. Pressure to die is mounting. I used to say I needed a gun or wanted to get old and move to Oregon. Now this.

 

[Retched]

I've had a particularly rough evening, worse than the usual bullshit. I thought "hey, maybe I could take the car to the lake and drown myself right now. Shallow Water Blackout doesn't seem half bad, and if I don't drown right away, I'll freeze to death instead", but I don't know why I stopped myself. It's not like there's any reason for me to stay at this point. Even with my plans for hanging next month, I still wanted to get this done and over with. I even took my car keys and got ready to go.

What's odd is that I know drowning is one of the most agonizing methods, so why did I choose it automatically? Maybe knowing how painful it would be is what stopped me? I don't know. Anyways, I'm in my room now, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight (again), but I just find it funny how I chose the worst possible method without any second thoughts.

I think I'm just getting a little impatient, waiting for December to come around

Holy crap. I've been to the local lake staring at it and even have a backpack now that's weighted down in the back of my car. This is from an impulse. I just haven't taken the backpack out of my car....
I guess that's why I like it here on this site....you read someone else's post and suddenly it's like your own "weird" thoughts aren't so weird anymore. I guess mine wasn't totally impulsive (a few people have ctb there- how IDK, it isn't very deep) and I researched it a little bit but the impulse was so strong one day, even though I know it is an agonizing way to die. OK.