Venting in my friend group, i was always the promising kid... never thought i would turn suicidal

[SufferingInDenmark]

but i guess that's not saying much, since most my friends were losers.
but some of them are doing kinda ok today.
but in my entire friend group, i think i was always, like i said, "the promising kid".

kinda weird...

but my former best friend's brother did do some really really really crazy shit that ended up on the news, so at least i'm not like him lol.
glad i only hung out with that POS like 3 times max, back in the day.

 

[ramon]

Welcome to the club.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

Welcome to the club.

you too lol?
sorry to hear

 

[ramon]

you too lol?
sorry to hear

Darn it!! Am I that predictable??!!!

Thanks for caring, though.

 

[underduvet]

In my case, I didn't think I'd ever be depressed or suicidal when I was still at school. Fast forward to adulthood, I am doing the stuff I previously thought I'd never do (I'll admit I used to make fun of it as a teen) such as self harm, and all the suicidal ideations. Didn't think I'd ever be on medication either. Didn't think I'd ever be on a forum such as this.

I guess life is full of suprises, no matter how shitty they are...

On the plus side, maybe if you are the "promising kid" maybe just maybe you'll make it past all this and get better. Hang in there in the mean time <3

 

[Lazy]

I relate so much to this. Always used to be the guy to help with homework at school, now I barely manage to stay in uni. Sometimes things just don't work out I guess.
And as you said, at least you're not damaging to your surroundings.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Were they really your friends if you looked down on them and thought of them as losers while thinking of yourself as "the promising one" or whatever?

 

[Reflection]

Same, growing up I always used to be the kid everyone thought would have a bright future, yet here I am.

 

[StrawberryRed]

Were they really your friends if you looked down on them and thought of them as losers while thinking of yourself as "the promising one" or whatever?

Well I mean his opinion of them probably changed as he got older, that's normal. It's probably other people who told him he was " promising".

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

Well I mean his option of them probably changed as he got older, that's normal. It's probably other people who told him he was " promising".

exactly strawberry

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

When I was young I was told that I shouldn't hang around idiots and that I should be with more intelligent kids, my mother always compared me and was glad when I was passing others in grades, I just wanted to get along with people but I would get teased with violence and absolutely screamed and threatened with orphanage and many other things (As a side note, I always flinch at raised hands because of my mother, even if she never did end up hitting me with the palm, she would only throw small household objects at me which also make me flinch so I could never play football, even if you are physically the weakest person in the world, you could make me flinch by raising your hand in the air or throwing a ball at me


Edit: since I never did finish the whole ordeal, the "idiots" were just less wealthy kids, they weren't idiots at all, as you might have guessed, it's just that my (actual) idiotic parent wanted me to be what she couldn't be and treated me as a doll to fulfill her failed life so I was to be friends with anyone who seemed "special" or "smart" like I was a main character in a fucking movie.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

There was a meme going around a few years ago that said: "1999: cuadro de honor - 2016: cuadro de ansiedad." It's a bit of wordplay about being on the honor roll as a kid because you were a promising student only to be later diagnosed with mental health issues. The Offspring also said it better:

Jay commited suicide
Woah-oh
Brandon OD'd and died
Woah-oh
What the hell is going on?
The cruelest dream, reality

Chances thrown
Nothing's free
Longing for, used to be
Still it's hard, hard to see
Fragile lives
Shattered dreams (Go!)

I was the smartest kid in my class for most of my life. I remember once that I finished a social studies test in the time it took the teacher to read the questions to all the other students and I got a perfect mark. I got bullied because of it too, all the time, because of that and because I sucked at sports and was socially awkward. When my grandfather died I started to really have trouble at school with maths, but I've always excelled in social studies, languages, biology, and anything requiring textual analysis and critical thinking. Had good results at national standardized testing, got admitted into my country's top university in my first try. I was lazy sometimes and failed a few courses just because I didn't care, but I got 5/5 on others, even on my bachelor's thesis. I even graduated from a master's degree in Germany with minimal effort because the program was so shitty I gave up on everything that wasn't an essay or my final thesis. Everyone around me says I'm a smart and accomplished person.

Yet, I'm here. Another promising kid that life just chewed and spat out. Raised with beautiful values, raised to be a good person, empathetic, sincere, caring. Raised to share and love and be understanding. But life isn't about what you deserve: everyone deserves a roof over their heads and at least a couple warm meals a day, but we celebrate a culture based on inhumane competition and luxurious spending. The two women I've loved broke me. Thye've made me feel my efforts are worthless and my values are nonsensical. Heck, I dedicated a life to being a well-educated person and my michi left me for a fucking MMA trainer that got kicked off the army for being schizophrenic. How the fuck is a promising kid suppose to keep up all that promise after so much abuse?