Resource In this thread we tell ourselves things

[BeansOfRequirement]

As an asexual man, I am not attracted to women (or men) sexually or romantically. I can think "oh, that's an attractive person", but I never feel a romantic or sexual desire at all. I am also unable to masturbate and never do it. This is a very recent development and I wonder how it happened. Probably the CIA, (in collaboration with the MSS, MI6, KGB, secret UN high-tech black ops, etc), helping me out with those highly focused brainwave disruptor beams. Why would they target me, specifically? Well, I have practiced my cross and jab a few times here in my mother's basement, they must have seen my strength and I suppose they see me as a global threat. I can do neutral grip pull-ups with a very small amount of extra weight added; they probably want to make sure that their populations are safe from me and my killing power. To achieve this, they've now beamed asexuality into my brain (without affecting any other functions or areas)--and it is appreciated. Surely, they'd have access to my posts on here and would have used this intel to find the best solution, for both me and the safety of the human race. I'd say they have overreacted a bit, since I'd never go all out against a nation without just cause. Still, I guess it's better to be safe than sorry.

The world can now sleep soundly, and so can I.

 

[jodes2]

Damn. You've had your brainwaves disrupted by them too?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Damn. You've had your brainwaves disrupted by them too?

Yes, governmental agencies have also spent hundreds of man-hours every week to have people mess with my hair and make my coffee cool slightly faster than I want it to. After this, they've finally left me alone.

 

[jodes2]

Fuck, when I had psychosis I thought some awful awful stuff. Glad it's over. It's the one thing psych medication has done for me

 

[Deboneire1]

Just ignore. Im trying to get some comments up so I can send and receive PMs.

 

[actual_fox]

This is CIA. I am not here to spy on suicidal people. We just want to make sure that Asexuality Beam- TM worked.
We can now sleep peacefully knowing that we neutralized most powerful man in the observable universe.

Please do not kill yourself - we do not want to get haunted by you, so please delay your death as long as possible. We also do not want to witness the chaos that will ensue after other powerful beings try to fill the power vacuum.

(even with budget over billions of dollars we could not come up with anything funnier to write as a follow up.)