Venting Internet addiction ruined my life

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm surprised by how successful people from older generations are, and how much they were able to accomplish at a younger age (not just financially because the economy was better, but intellectually and through hard work).

But not me. I was labelled "gifted" but could barely concentrate on my own thoughts, and now I can't even read a book without my mind going blank. My parents let me rot in front of the computer (yet also made fun of me for being on the computer all the time) and it destroyed my ability to think. If I were born in the current generation, I probably would have been an iPad kid. I'm not even *that* addicted compared to some people, but it was enough of an addiction at such a young age that I'm pretty sure my brain has been rewired to never experience authentic motivation ever again.

Now that I'm an adult, I'm stupid. I can't motivate myself to do anything, I'm not able to concentrate on anything, I can't improve at anything, I just feel myself getting dumber and dumber. My brain is fried from childhood addiction, and I just can't stop being addicted. Nothing really helps in the long run, my brain can't function without internet dopamine. The only thing my brain can do is consume quick-form content. Without the internet I'll just stare at a wall for hours. Even the few times where I drag myself away from the internet, thinking it might help, I still feel so far behind everyone else mentally (well, everyone that isn't also internet addicted) that I can't help but think: "it's hopeless anyways, I'm too late to try and quit" and then I go back to sitting in front of the computer because nothing else makes me happy. Nothing is worth striving towards because it's all impossible for my mush brain.

I always need more stimulation to feel anything, yet I'm also always tired and numb and I just want to sleep all the time.

 

[Jollysmoose]

I'm in the same situation, bro. It feels like I've wasted my childhood and never learned how to achieve any goals. I'm just going with the flow and don't know what I want. At one point, I thought it was depression, but antidepressants didn't help at all.

What are you going to do about it?

 

[yowai]

I'm similar and currently can't focus on my usual stuff because I keep refreshing certain pages looking for something new to appear or getting notifications lol. I used to be able to read books and now on my last try I finished 3 pages and picked up my stupid phone again. I hate this reality and having so many distractions around, content made to be addictive, so that we come back and get them views for add revenue etc. Also I have an iphone and screen time downtimes don't work because you can just switch it off in a second lol.

 

[LostLily]

Same

I'm surprised by how successful people from older generations are, and how much they were able to accomplish at a younger age (not just financially because the economy was better, but intellectually and through hard work).

But not me. I was labelled "gifted" but could barely concentrate on my own thoughts, and now I can't even read a book without my mind going blank. My parents let me rot in front of the computer (yet also made fun of me for being on the computer all the time) and it destroyed my ability to think. If I were born in the current generation, I probably would have been an iPad kid. I'm not even *that* addicted compared to some people, but it was enough of an addiction at such a young age that I'm pretty sure my brain has been rewired to never experience authentic motivation ever again.

Now that I'm an adult, I'm stupid. I can't motivate myself to do anything, I'm not able to concentrate on anything, I can't improve at anything, I just feel myself getting dumber and dumber. My brain is fried from childhood addiction, and I just can't stop being addicted. Nothing really helps in the long run, my brain can't function without internet dopamine. The only thing my brain can do is consume quick-form content. Without the internet I'll just stare at a wall for hours. Even the few times where I drag myself away from the internet, thinking it might help, I still feel so far behind everyone else mentally (well, everyone that isn't also internet addicted) that I can't help but think: "it's hopeless anyways, I'm too late to try and quit" and then I go back to sitting in front of the computer because nothing else makes me happy. Nothing is worth striving towards because it's all impossible for my mush brain.

I always need more stimulation to feel anything, yet I'm also always tired and numb and I just want to sleep all the time.

same the the internet has ruined my attention span and I can't focus on anything

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm similar and currently can't focus on my usual stuff because I keep refreshing certain pages looking for something new to appear or getting notifications lol. I used to be able to read books and now on my last try I finished 3 pages and picked up my stupid phone again. I hate this reality and having so many distractions around, content made to be addictive, so that we come back and get them views for add revenue etc. Also I have an iphone and screen time downtimes don't work because you can just switch it off in a second lol.

Accurate.

I'm in the same situation, bro. It feels like I've wasted my childhood and never learned how to achieve any goals. I'm just going with the flow and don't know what I want. At one point, I thought it was depression, but antidepressants didn't help at all.

What are you going to do about it?

Some things work, but it's a struggle and 100% recovery feels hopeless but I still want to try pushing through it for the time being.

I use downtime and website blocking apps, what I found worked is to use two different blocking apps at the same time. I will switch off one app if I want to circumvent any blocking, however turns out I'm too lazy to switch off the same restriction twice in two different apps, so it actually works for me to use two.

I also use some of the resources in the recovery section for substance use, although those resources focus on physical substance addictions and not other types of addiction so they're only somewhat useful.

The hardest thing that I'm still struggling with is know what to do with myself outside of the internet, I really have nothing better or more engaging in my life other than doomscrolling. I have some hobbies, but I can't spend, for example, ten hours every day playing piano, even the professional pianists don't do that. I like playing piano but can't sit down for longer than 15 minutes a day or I lose focus. I don't have any close, meaningful personal relationship, and my experience is that reaching out to others just leads to stress and disappointment, so that's a bust. Anything that requires even some level of brain activity like reading, playing an instrument, drawing, or other hobbies feel impossible because I just can't concentrate. I get frustrated, hate myself for having no brainpower, and then go back on the internet to calm down and avoid spiraling into self-hate from the realization of how limited my life has become because of addiction.

 

[Ichigo]

Take little baby steps. Try to spend atleast 5 minutes each day away from the computer, and see how that works .

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Take little baby steps. Try to spend atleast 5 minutes each day away from the computer, and see how that works .

What's the point if the damage is already done and irreversible?

It's not going to get better. Spending 5 minutes away from the internet means I'll just stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for five minutes. Spending an hour, a day, or a week away from the internet just means I'll stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for an hour, a day, or a week. At that point I might as well just spend the time on the internet and actually half enjoy the time instead of inevitably spiraling into my own self-hatred since it's not like I have anything else in my life.

 

[divinemistress36]

Im addicted to the internet. Spend like 12 hours a day on it for past 7 years

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

spent all my life addicted to TV yoututbe , sports , news, and other useless garbage. this is why i haven't worked on getting my suicide plan / method ready to go and defeating si etc or done anything.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Internet addiction ruined society. I have 18 years of experience with pre-web life and about 25 post. The comparison is night and day. The convenience and knowledge is obviously nice, but we paid the ultimate price.

 

[Ichigo]

What's the point if the damage is already done and irreversible?

It's not going to get better. Spending 5 minutes away from the internet means I'll just stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for five minutes. Spending an hour, a day, or a week away from the internet just means I'll stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for an hour, a day, or a week. At that point I might as well just spend the time on the internet and actually half enjoy the time instead of inevitably spiraling into my own self-hatred since it's not like I have anything else in my life.

I wrote that comment understanding that you probably wouldn't take my advice and that's okay. I understand why you dont believe me.

when you're so used to living a certain way, it seems almost impossible to change it up. You don't have to take my advice right now.

BUT if you're serious about getting better, than you need to start looking at what to do about it and how you're going to do it.

It's either you try to change or accept it. It's either take the leap or stay where you are.

And if you're already at rock bottom, what's the harm in trying?
You're not losing anything anyway, you already said you feel inferior to everyone.
It's never gonna be easy to start, but you can try to make it easier on yourself by taking small steps. It's hard, but you got to start somewhere. If 5 minute is too long, then take a 3 minute break. If that's too long then just take a 1 minute break.

 

[i love yoshi ^-^]

I'm surprised by how successful people from older generations are, and how much they were able to accomplish at a younger age (not just financially because the economy was better, but intellectually and through hard work).

But not me. I was labelled "gifted" but could barely concentrate on my own thoughts, and now I can't even read a book without my mind going blank. My parents let me rot in front of the computer (yet also made fun of me for being on the computer all the time) and it destroyed my ability to think. If I were born in the current generation, I probably would have been an iPad kid. I'm not even *that* addicted compared to some people, but it was enough of an addiction at such a young age that I'm pretty sure my brain has been rewired to never experience authentic motivation ever again.

Now that I'm an adult, I'm stupid. I can't motivate myself to do anything, I'm not able to concentrate on anything, I can't improve at anything, I just feel myself getting dumber and dumber. My brain is fried from childhood addiction, and I just can't stop being addicted. Nothing really helps in the long run, my brain can't function without internet dopamine. The only thing my brain can do is consume quick-form content. Without the internet I'll just stare at a wall for hours. Even the few times where I drag myself away from the internet, thinking it might help, I still feel so far behind everyone else mentally (well, everyone that isn't also internet addicted) that I can't help but think: "it's hopeless anyways, I'm too late to try and quit" and then I go back to sitting in front of the computer because nothing else makes me happy. Nothing is worth striving towards because it's all impossible for my mush brain.

I always need more stimulation to feel anything, yet I'm also always tired and numb and I just want to sleep all the time.

hm. have you considered going with a check-up on ADHD? your tiredness may come from being too overwhelmed, i know this is the case for me, i can feel very sleepy but i get in the flow and magically i don't feel so sleepy anymroe.

this used to haunt my life, but to a lesser degree now. i think that the addictive nature of social media is mostly extrinsic. short form content provides you a quick way to divert your attention to something aside from your stressors. with respect to drugs, they are addictive because they're substances that directly control the creation of dopamine, this is intrinsic. but i don't believe this is the case with technology, your brain only uses it as a shortcut to escape.

don't get me wrong - there's some habitual element in it as well, the more you use these apps and the more you doomscroll, the closer the connections in your brain to these habits become.

it can also perpetuate yourself - for example you might feel horrible after watching shorts for an hour, because you could've spent that time better, and yes you could. as contradictory as it might sounds, it might even be better to not feel bad about it, as otherwise you're adding another stressor to the pile of existing stress.

 

[Ichigo]

hm. have you considered going with a check-up on ADHD? your tiredness may come from being too overwhelmed, i know this is the case for me, i can feel very sleepy but i get in the flow and magically i don't feel so sleepy anymroe.

this used to haunt my life, but to a lesser degree now. i think that the addictive nature of social media is mostly extrinsic. short form content provides you a quick way to divert your attention to something aside from your stressors. with respect to drugs, they are addictive because they're substances that directly control the creation of dopamine, this is intrinsic. but i don't believe this is the case with technology, your brain only uses it as a shortcut to escape.

don't get me wrong - there's some habitual element in it as well, the more you use these apps and the more you doomscroll, the closer the connections in your brain to these habits become.

it can also perpetuate yourself - for example you might feel horrible after watching shorts for an hour, because you could've spent that time better, and yes you could. as contradictory as it might sounds, it might even be better to not feel bad about it, as otherwise you're adding another stressor to the pile of existing stress.

Oh I didn't even think of that, but you could be right. If he does has ADHD,and it's just undiagnosed, then he should get diagnosed and get medication for it. Medication helps you focus more if you have ADHD. But we don't know for sure. Also op said he liked playing piano but couldn't play for more than 15 minutes,but a 5-10 minute piano session still sounds like a good breakaway from the phone to me. Even if it's not that long, it's a good start.

 

[i love yoshi ^-^]

Oh I didn't even think of that, but you could be right. If he does has ADHD,and it's just undiagnosed, then he should get diagnosed and get medication for it. Medication helps you focus more if you have ADHD. But we don't know for sure. Also op said he liked playing piano but couldn't play for more than 15 minutes,but a 5-10 minute piano session sounds like a good breakaway from the phone to me. Even if it's not that long it could help get started, especially since it's something he enjoys.

that's true, ADHD is far from the only cause, and despite me having medication i still struggle with it because of anxiety/stress.

it's hard to analyze why you're doomscrolling when you're in the midst of it, your mind is actually focused. i think it would be helpful to try and sit down to do something, and when you get hit with a distraction of sorts, think about what distracted you. initially i found it was daydreaming for the most part, after i got my ADHD treated, i found that i'm too worried - i still don't know how to deal with this unfortunately.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

hm. have you considered going with a check-up on ADHD? your tiredness may come from being too overwhelmed, i know this is the case for me, i can feel very sleepy but i get in the flow and magically i don't feel so sleepy anymroe.

this used to haunt my life, but to a lesser degree now. i think that the addictive nature of social media is mostly extrinsic. short form content provides you a quick way to divert your attention to something aside from your stressors. with respect to drugs, they are addictive because they're substances that directly control the creation of dopamine, this is intrinsic. but i don't believe this is the case with technology, your brain only uses it as a shortcut to escape.

don't get me wrong - there's some habitual element in it as well, the more you use these apps and the more you doomscroll, the closer the connections in your brain to these habits become.

it can also perpetuate yourself - for example you might feel horrible after watching shorts for an hour, because you could've spent that time better, and yes you could. as contradictory as it might sounds, it might even be better to not feel bad about it, as otherwise you're adding another stressor to the pile of existing stress.

I've considered ADHD, however I never really had ADHD-like symptoms pre-internet use. I've heard internet addiction can sometimes manifest as ADHD-like symptoms while not actually being ADHD, I think that's the case for me.

I already know my biggest culprit; it's severe anxiety. I've had extreme anxiety since I was very young, even before I started using the internet. Sitting with myself and my thoughts means spiraling mentally. For me, internet use is an escape from anxiety. My only official clinical diagnosis is GAD, which I got when I was a teenager, and I feel it's accurate. I was once prescribed anxiety medication because of a panic attack, but didn't fill the prescription because I didn't believe it would help, I'm still skeptical about modern medicine. Why replace one addiction (internet addiction) with another (pills)? One of my older relatives was prescribed anxiety medication, but it doesn't seem to make a huge difference for them.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

What's the point if the damage is already done and irreversible?

It's not going to get better. Spending 5 minutes away from the internet means I'll just stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for five minutes. Spending an hour, a day, or a week away from the internet just means I'll stare at a wall and remember how much I hate myself for an hour, a day, or a week. At that point I might as well just spend the time on the internet and actually half enjoy the time instead of inevitably spiraling into my own self-hatred since it's not like I have anything else in my life.

If you can train yourself to be like this, you can untrain yourself. Js
It's very much reversible, especially because yall are young. Wish I could offer a proper reply analyzing and breaking down habits and addictions in contrast to our emotions and daily lives, but I don't have the mental or physical fortitude. Good luck

 

[i love yoshi ^-^]

I've considered ADHD, however I never really had ADHD-like symptoms pre-internet use. I've heard internet addiction can sometimes manifest as ADHD-like symptoms while not actually being ADHD, I think that's the case for me.

I already know my biggest culprit; it's severe anxiety. I've had extreme anxiety since I was very young, even before I started using the internet. Sitting with myself and my thoughts means spiraling mentally. For me, internet use is an escape from anxiety. My only official clinical diagnosis is GAD, which I got when I was a teenager, and I feel it's accurate. I was once prescribed anxiety medication because of a panic attack, but didn't fill the prescription because I didn't believe it would help, I'm still skeptical about modern medicine. Why replace one addiction (internet addiction) with another (pills)? One of my older relatives was prescribed anxiety medication, but it doesn't seem to make a huge difference for them.

ah ok. i'm not a medical professional - i don't know if ADHD can be developed. this is something i had my whole life.

i think you're right here - the biggest culprit is indeed anxiety. this is a problem for me to this day, and i also use the internet as an escape.

when it comes to medication - when i first got medicated, i was very skeptical. but i'm glad i did. i have to take my meds for the rest of my life as it's just a temporary remedy. when it comes to anxiety, it might be solved eventually, but think about it in a shorter term - would you rather fuel your internet addiction which perpetuates your anxiety, or get dependent on a drug of sorts, where the exit point is getting rid of the drug instead of solving various stressors as is the case with internet addiction?

i'd say try it out more seriously. your brother might need a re-evaluation, either higher dosage or different medication. there's some conditions where people are immune to some medications. you'll never know until you try yourself, and you've got nothing to lose ^^