moon_princessx
princess
- Nov 26, 2024
- 6
Hello everyone! I'm 18,female. Brazilian/Half Portuguese but currently living in Europe. More specifically in Portugal. First of all, I'm sorry for my scratchy english but im trying my best!
I have bipolar disorder, so my life is basically a rollercoaster, it's always going up and down. But I know that after all, I'm always down!
One year ago, I was living with my mother and my cat normally in a rented house. We payed 400 euros/month. It was a good deal for nowadays here. Usually the rents are above 800 euros or something like that for a house with 2 bedrooms at least. But someday my mother had some problems with the landlord and we've been kicked. So well, basically, we didn't have a house. But, fortunately (for me) I have family here from my Portuguese side (my dad's side), and they gave me a house to live. But unfortunately, to my mom, she had nowhere to go. So she had to sleep on her work and live there.(it's a small studio). Of course I've been really depressed by that time because we've been passing through really hard times together.
I tried to commit. Failed. Lived with that pain for a while. But then, there was a guy i've been friends with for a while (2 years, now doing 3). That really helped me with passing through my hard times without he even knowing himself that he was helping me. We always went out every weekend to hang out, and then we started dating. That was my peak of life happiness. Honestly, not trying to be cringe, he was my man, my everything. He gave everything to me, plushies, clothes, money. He never gave me flowers, but, he always made sure that I would eat (he gave me LOTS AND LOTS of food) and honestly I will thank him so much for everything. But of course. Since I'm a very mentally ill person, we had alot of arguments and most of all were started by me. I don't blame him for anything he ever did to me. I stopped taking my meds because I started birth control (I would rather be fucked up and destroy myself, than get pregnant). Was very scared to take my medicine because everyone would tell me that the meds i took would affect with my birth control. Well. Maybe 2/3 weeks ago (we've beenn together for 8 months). We broke up. He told me he had hurt himself alot in our relationship because of me. And that I was very attached to him and he needed some space for now and when he felt better he would text me.
I was already feeling terrible for that break up got very depressed.I Didn't shower in 2 weeks. I didn't leave my house. Basically, i'm so much worse then I was before.
And then boom. Another thing happened in my life this weekend. I've been kicked out of my family house. Why? You ask me. They told my mom that the reason I've been kicked out was because I was "very depressed", "not eating", "always in my bedroom", and the last of all these stupid reasons, it was also because "i didnt clean the house" (They wanted me to clean the house, and it's a freaking giant house with 2 floors).
Well, as i told you, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. And the first person i asked for help was him. I sent him messages everywhere. Called him, sent messages on discord, whatsapp, even on league of legends (lmao). And he ignored all my messages. I told him. I was kicked out and i needed urgent help. He told me I could send him a message whenever I needed anything. but he ignored me. And also, i will have to live with my mother in a fucking small studio where I don't have any privacy.
I'm so sad. And lost. I wan't to CBT. I've been thinking of the hanging method or SN? But SN for me currently is out of my reach. Want to get out of this pain, because currently, living is such a painful thing to me. Thanks for reading tho!! ^_^
I have bipolar disorder, so my life is basically a rollercoaster, it's always going up and down. But I know that after all, I'm always down!
One year ago, I was living with my mother and my cat normally in a rented house. We payed 400 euros/month. It was a good deal for nowadays here. Usually the rents are above 800 euros or something like that for a house with 2 bedrooms at least. But someday my mother had some problems with the landlord and we've been kicked. So well, basically, we didn't have a house. But, fortunately (for me) I have family here from my Portuguese side (my dad's side), and they gave me a house to live. But unfortunately, to my mom, she had nowhere to go. So she had to sleep on her work and live there.(it's a small studio). Of course I've been really depressed by that time because we've been passing through really hard times together.
I tried to commit. Failed. Lived with that pain for a while. But then, there was a guy i've been friends with for a while (2 years, now doing 3). That really helped me with passing through my hard times without he even knowing himself that he was helping me. We always went out every weekend to hang out, and then we started dating. That was my peak of life happiness. Honestly, not trying to be cringe, he was my man, my everything. He gave everything to me, plushies, clothes, money. He never gave me flowers, but, he always made sure that I would eat (he gave me LOTS AND LOTS of food) and honestly I will thank him so much for everything. But of course. Since I'm a very mentally ill person, we had alot of arguments and most of all were started by me. I don't blame him for anything he ever did to me. I stopped taking my meds because I started birth control (I would rather be fucked up and destroy myself, than get pregnant). Was very scared to take my medicine because everyone would tell me that the meds i took would affect with my birth control. Well. Maybe 2/3 weeks ago (we've beenn together for 8 months). We broke up. He told me he had hurt himself alot in our relationship because of me. And that I was very attached to him and he needed some space for now and when he felt better he would text me.
I was already feeling terrible for that break up got very depressed.I Didn't shower in 2 weeks. I didn't leave my house. Basically, i'm so much worse then I was before.
And then boom. Another thing happened in my life this weekend. I've been kicked out of my family house. Why? You ask me. They told my mom that the reason I've been kicked out was because I was "very depressed", "not eating", "always in my bedroom", and the last of all these stupid reasons, it was also because "i didnt clean the house" (They wanted me to clean the house, and it's a freaking giant house with 2 floors).
Well, as i told you, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. And the first person i asked for help was him. I sent him messages everywhere. Called him, sent messages on discord, whatsapp, even on league of legends (lmao). And he ignored all my messages. I told him. I was kicked out and i needed urgent help. He told me I could send him a message whenever I needed anything. but he ignored me. And also, i will have to live with my mother in a fucking small studio where I don't have any privacy.
I'm so sad. And lost. I wan't to CBT. I've been thinking of the hanging method or SN? But SN for me currently is out of my reach. Want to get out of this pain, because currently, living is such a painful thing to me. Thanks for reading tho!! ^_^
