Intrusive thoughts about religion & deconstruction

[toms_space_station]

just wanted to share whats been on my mind, a lot of it is not good - been having lots of intrusive thoughts particularly about christianity.

#1 i typically experience emotions very intensely. when i cry i sometimes curse at god and i tell him that i hate him.
after i do this, i start having these thoughts that go like, what if something really bad happens to me because of what i said?

#2 in my journey of recovery, i also have thoughts that go something like this:

what if god allows me to recover from my mental illness just to take everything away and punish me for what i've said and for my past sin? the bible says in hebrews (new testament) that god disciplines those who are truly considered to be his - heb. 12:5-11

#3 also, what if god suddenly decides that he wants to 'test my faith' through immense suffering, like what he did with Job, Abraham, Joseph, etc.?

#4 what if your born again experience was just a lie and you were never a christian at all?

#5 although i have not completely lost my faith, i think i am on the road to deconstructing after listening to the 'other views' with the likes of bart ehrman, paulogia, prophet of zod, etc

then i think to myself, what if christianity is actually true and i end up going to hell because of my deconstruction journey?

all of this is just so tiring, and maybe i'm better off without it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i personally dont think anything bad is going to happen to you. youre hurt and expressing your pain in a way that isnt hurting anyone

 

[PetrichorBirth]

The "truth" is a fragile thing in everybody. A little thing that is interpreted differently can change everything. So, if you believe that certain things that happen to you are punishments for what you did from God, this is what you feel, and this is your truth.

 

[Linda]

If you choose to believe in harmful nonsense, don't be surprised if you get harmed.
There is no evidence that any of the claims of religion are true. Why not live your life without it?

 

[Dot]

just wanted to share whats been on my mind, a lot of it is not good - been having lots of intrusive thoughts particularly about christianity.

#1 i typically experience emotions very intensely. when i cry i sometimes curse at god and i tell him that i hate him.
after i do this, i start having these thoughts that go like, what if something really bad happens to me because of what i said?

#2 in my journey of recovery, i also have thoughts that go something like this:

what if god allows me to recover from my mental illness just to take everything away and punish me for what i've said and for my past sin? the bible says in hebrews (new testament) that god disciplines those who are truly considered to be his - heb. 12:5-11

#3 also, what if god suddenly decides that he wants to 'test my faith' through immense suffering, like what he did with Job, Abraham, Joseph, etc.?

#4 what if your born again experience was just a lie and you were never a christian at all?

#5 although i have not completely lost my faith, i think i am on the road to deconstructing after listening to the 'other views' with the likes of bart ehrman, paulogia, prophet of zod, etc

then i think to myself, what if christianity is actually true and i end up going to hell because of my deconstruction journey?

all of this is just so tiring, and maybe i'm better off without it.

A fw thghts

- Frm slf knwldge of intrsve thghts am gttng imprssn tht ur faith mght b smethng tht u hld on2 & tht mns a lt 2 u
- am also gttng imprssn tht u mght b carryng a lt of shme withn urslf bcse ur thghts kp sayng tht u wll b punshd in 1 wy or anothr or tht u r 'nt gd enuf' fr th/ lve of Gd
- anxty & intrusve thghts oftn clng on2 dffrnt thngs - = cld b tht u hve dp anxty in genrl & tht ur faith = jst smethng tht = latchng on2
- slf advce wld b insted of b-ing suckd in2 th/ indivdl thghts 2 try 2 recgnse tht ech intrsve thght = anxty speakng

Ur mnd = prbbly lookng fr certnty & in tryn2 answr evry questn tht cmes in2 ur hed thn u r cre8tng tht certnty fr urslf - bt recognsing th/ thght as fear talkng & jst sayng hllo t/ th/ fear insted mght b a helthr apprch

The Architecture of Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

conscious-transitions.com

 

[MrShino]

just wanted to share whats been on my mind, a lot of it is not good - been having lots of intrusive thoughts particularly about christianity.

#1 i typically experience emotions very intensely. when i cry i sometimes curse at god and i tell him that i hate him.
after i do this, i start having these thoughts that go like, what if something really bad happens to me because of what i said?

#2 in my journey of recovery, i also have thoughts that go something like this:

what if god allows me to recover from my mental illness just to take everything away and punish me for what i've said and for my past sin? the bible says in hebrews (new testament) that god disciplines those who are truly considered to be his - heb. 12:5-11

#3 also, what if god suddenly decides that he wants to 'test my faith' through immense suffering, like what he did with Job, Abraham, Joseph, etc.?

#4 what if your born again experience was just a lie and you were never a christian at all?

#5 although i have not completely lost my faith, i think i am on the road to deconstructing after listening to the 'other views' with the likes of bart ehrman, paulogia, prophet of zod, etc

then i think to myself, what if christianity is actually true and i end up going to hell because of my deconstruction journey?

all of this is just so tiring, and maybe i'm better off without it.

God bless brother!

Having fought intrusive thoughts as a believer of Christ myself I hope to offer you some help. I know how difficult it can be at times to separate false thoughts from true thoughts, and I don't claim to know what is what necessarily in your place, but I can offer my perspective. Maybe it can help you to sort it out.

#1: This is a difficult one. I understand that it is the emotional turmoil you experience that make you say these things, and you might not really mean it at all. God understands you and your pain and we can cry out our dislike of what we experience to Him, but not in this way. I think we must maintain that it is really bad to do these things, and these thoughts could actually be from your spirit in my opinion. There could actually be real consequences of this in my opinion, but God will forgive you if you admit to it and ask for it according to the Word.

#2: It is a difference between disciplining and punishing. He disciplines us so that the fruits of rightousness may grow in us. The penalty of our sins was taken by Jesus on the Cross and if we humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness for our faults, we will have it. He will thus not punish you later for the sins that Jesus already took for us.

#3: I would want to comfort you and say that that will never happen, but to be honest - we cannot really know can we? God could test us through suffering, but we must know that it will ALWAYS have a great purpose to it that makes it worth it. ('Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.'). If He would do that, I think we should consider it a blessing in disguise, even if it will be difficult when going through it.

#4: This is definitively a lie. If you are a born again believer and have received Jesus Christ by faith, you are a Christian and you are saved. (Romans 10:9: 'If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'). It is a typical lie by the devil that 'maybe you are not really a Christian or saved' after you have received Jesus as Lord.

#5: This deconstruction journey you speak of sounds like a dangerous journey. I don't believe it will rob you of your salvation. You have received Jesus and are going to Heaven. It can be fatal for your faith however. I would recommend not taking spiritual advices in the walk of faith by people who are agnostics and mostly left the faith themselves. I'd rather find someone who has walked with the Lord faithfully for many years and have a profound sense of spiritual wisdom and are hearing from the Spirit Himself. If you are able, perhaps find a pastor, mentor, or someone in the church that you trust that can help you sort these things out.

I wish you the best, and remember that this is only my thoughts as a fellow believer on what you have shared. I also have faults in my understanding and could be wrong on certain things, although I strive to truthfully respond. Don't lose faith. I believe God has a plan and a purpose for you my friend and that one day we shall see Him in His Kingdom, freed from all our sufferings. :)

 

[Jack_Nimble]

all of this is just so tiring, and maybe i'm better off without it.

I understand how tiring the guilt of Christianity can be. As a former Christian who no longer believes due to extensive bible study I'd like to offer my perspective. If God exists as written in the bible, including all powerful and all moral. I believe it would be his moral duty to talk to you and clarify your confusion. But to instead threaten torture as punishment or eternal life as reward while refusing to present himself is utterly immoral.

Anyone individual who tells you they've "walked" with the lord has never met the lord. They can only tell you about their feelings. And nothing of what they've seen of this lord.

There are many old testament wars where this so called god commanded the death of children and babies of enemies. We know this is highly wrong and immoral. No modern day christian would ever accept such behavior in modern day. Yet it's okay to say god was perfect in the old testament as he ordered the bloody death of children. For no reason than their parents had the wrong religion. There was nothing the children could do about who they were born to. I mean literal genocide. It's not okay today and it wasn't ever ok. But the bible says it was the right thing to do. Does this sound like a moral, forgiving, loving god? Couldn't even forgive children for their parents "mistakes".

I would suggest studying the ENTIRE bible front to back in depth and considering it from a moral perspective. There is an incredible amount more to the bible than what pastors and churches are willing to talk about. They rely on most of their members being too lazy to read the entire book.

This so called creator god also said womens periods are spiritually unclean in Old Testament law. Is this really what a creator of us would say about a biological process that is NEEDED to reproduce?

 

[Not A Fan]

#5 although i have not completely lost my faith, i think i am on the road to deconstructing after listening to the 'other views' with the likes of bart ehrman, paulogia, prophet of zod, etc

I like Bart Ehrman. He has some really great lecture series about the Bible released through The Teaching Company. On the other hand, I'm a hardened agnostic (with an interest in comparative religions) so I'm not sure if my endorsement is what you're looking for.