I had been willing to try and improve. I asked for the help I needed to do this.
By all measures, I was succeeding
until I started having side effects to a psych med that I had been on for years. (I wouldn't learn that that was the cause of the problems until much later.)
Again, and again, I asked the supposed MH "prividers" for the help I needed, for more than a year, they gaslighted me and every single one of their "treatments" not only failed to help, but actively made everything drastically worse.
So I reached out to the last MH "provider" that I had trusted (she was no longer at the VA, where I had been getting treatment), and I told her how I had been gaslighted, how I had not been heard, how my concerns had not only not been respected, but had been outright discounted, and, that because of my beliefs about my own right-to-die, I had been threatened with imprisonment when seeking exclusively medical care in the ER.
I explicitly told her that if this did not change, these supposed
MH "professionals" actions would make me actively suicidial (i.e. by definition, I was not actively suicidial at the time, but their actions were actively pushing me in that direction). And I very, very explicitly told her that if I was ever again subjected to any mother-f'ing psychiatric crisis f'ing interventions when seeking exclusively medical treatment in an ER, I would -without exception- be made actively suicidial (i.e. any subsequent threat of imprisonment -for my strongly held moral beliefs about my own right-to-die- would only guarantee -without exception- that I would kill myself as a direct and explicit response to said "treatments".)
Less than two weeks later, my symptoms drastically escalated while I was en route to an appoiment with her. She offered to take me to the ER, and I explicitly told her I was only willing to accept medical treatment. En route from her office to the ER she started telling me I needed to be prepared to be away for 72 hrs.
Unsurprisingly, I was denied the exclusively unbiased medical care that would have given me a reason to continue to live.
I was instead threatened, bullied, strip searched, imprisoned, and outright lied to and lied about SOLELY BECAUSE of my strongly held moral beliefs about my own right-to-death, while being denied the very care that I explicitly sought, and, which had it been provided would have given me a reason to keep living.
Fuck this world!
Fuck trying to fit in!
