Discussion Is anyone truly a loner?

[Forever Sleep]

I'd say I'm fairly comfortable being alone. I live and work alone. I haven't physically been around people other than the odd delivery driver for 9 months and then, it was a single week to see my parents.

Not sure I could get by with no human contact of any sort though. Obviously, there's here which is probably my main source of contact and there are friends I text semi regulary.

How alone are you? How comfortable are you with it? Do you feel like you choose to be alone and- why? Is it because you've had bad experiences around people?

I think for me, it's a mixture. Social anxiety tends to make socialising uncomfortable for me. I guess there have been bad experiences that put me off from quite a young age. Mostly though, I just find people unreliable and, I'm pretty all or nothing. I kind of don't want to risk making strong friendships again, only to lose them and feel disappointed.

 

[uniqueusername4]

So I just recently lost the last two people that I had in my life (estranged from family, lost last two friends), and I decided that from now on (I will probably ctb soon anyway unless this type of life ends up being better) I will only have acquaintance or neighborly like relationships. I intend on keeping the amount of persons who know my address and real phone number minimal (using a text app). I am doing this to protect my own safety and ensure no one crosses any boundaries I have.

I am in an activism group, a couple book clubs, some hiking groups, things like that. Nothing beyond group setting level of personal. Talking about how I feel or what is really going on is not safe. I do not want my health put in the hands of strangers.

If I decide to try out this lifestyle instead of ctb soon, I would want to move to a more remote part of my state and grow a lot of my own food, maybe have animals. Just live a simple life, mostly alone.

 

[destinationlosangel]

Hey I think the important distinction is if we think we are alone or lonely. Me personally, I like to think I like being alone. I do not feel any loneliness. I do socialize but only with a few people. I'd rather be alone than be hanging out with the wrong people. Just like you said, all or nothing.

We've talked a bunch here havent we lol. I think u probably fall into the alone camp. Yeah same here, lots of texting too. But for the most part, I feel peaceful living this life.

Also while i think there are people out there with strong social connections and large groups of reliable people around them ( and good for them ok), I also feel for many people, there's just his illusion of friendship. Become suicidal or get cancer or get a chronic health condition and you'll slowly see all your 'friends' become complete strangers. I'm super happy I have no such delusions about my friendships because all of my friends (just 3-5 people) are solid people.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have to live with my family and spend most of my free time with my friends but I just feel alone because no one I've ever interacted with comes close to fully being like me in every way. One person came close to being very similar to me but I'm sure if I had spent more time with her the differences would have become more apparent.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

For me, all I've ever wanted/needed was "my person," that is, one person in my life with whom I'm highly intimate, both emotionally and physically, someone who is my utmost priority, and I theirs. I am also very "all or nothing," like you, so if it's not going to be a fully committed relationship of that nature, I'm not interested.

This means that I've spent most of my life without friends, which I have honestly been pretty comfortable with. I don't seem to feel much of a need for more casual social encounters, and that includes with family; I naturally fell out of touch with my parents after moving out, for example, and now I might see them twice a year. Not having a boyfriend, on the other hand, has been difficult and the cause of significant anguish over the years, due in large part to not having safe, predictable, wanted physical touch.

 

[Pluto]

 

[sserafim]

I'm a loner. I choose to be alone because I enjoy being alone. I don't like talking to, interacting with, or being around other people. I'm probably schizoid though. I wish I could have been a housecat or solitary animal (like a snow leopard, tiger, jaguar, etc) instead of a human so I could be free from human bullshit and annoyances. I don't want to be a part of society. I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. I want to be free from society and other people. I'm a NEET living off of my parents but they want me to eventually become a wageslave and support myself. I find this to be annoying as hell and I wish that I could be a housecat so that I wouldn't have to deal with any of the responsibilities, demands and obligations that come with being human

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, pretty much. I like being alone and I tend to find having to interact a lot either others to be draining. I've given up on making and maintaining friendships because they are too stressful for me. I think it's also part of what makes being in a relationship difficult for me, because (besides some other issues that get in the way of me being able to or wanting to video call my bf all the time), I tend to find things like video calling and talking on the phone to be draining. This creates a bit of conflict between us because he wants us to do it all the time, while I'd prefer if we just did it every once a week. He keeps on talking about how it feels like we aren't in a real relationship because of it, which makes me feel bad.

 

[Valhala]

Being alone for me is equal to death and my loneliness is now absolute. The worst thing is that I am not attracted to any other woman except her and I have broken up with her several times, she is angry with me and I no longer have access to her, although I love her more than anything .

 

[justkatie]

I am 100%.

I just have no interest in people whatsoever.

 

[Kavka]

View attachment 150139

Sad but relatable. You really get used to it.

 

[WithTheFlow]

Yes, but it's not really a choice for me due to my strong emotional aversion to judgment by people. I haven't been in a friendship since like elementary or middle school. The only contacts I have are with people who share my last name. If I'm not a loner, I don't know who could be.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I am a loner 9 months a year beause of uni. I have no friends. At first I liked it because I was finally free from my abusive family. Then as the years went by loneliness gnawed on me, and devoured me from the inside out. I crave interaction with humans at times, but at the same time I am tired by humans. The things the talk about just not relate to me. I feel so awkward and out of place. If I found someone I was a perfect match with from the first moment that'be grerat. Wishful thinking lol

 

[Aloneandinpain]

For me, all I've ever wanted/needed was "my person," that is, one person in my life with whom I'm highly intimate, both emotionally and physically, someone who is my utmost priority, and I theirs. I am also very "all or nothing," like you, so if it's not going to be a fully committed relationship of that nature, I'm not interested.

This means that I've spent most of my life without friends, which I have honestly been pretty comfortable with. I don't seem to feel much of a need for more casual social encounters, and that includes with family; I naturally fell out of touch with my parents after moving out, for example, and now I might see them twice a year. Not having a boyfriend, on the other hand, has been difficult and the cause of significant anguish over the years, due in large part to not having safe, predictable, wanted physical touch.

Same, except I still haven't even had my first kiss yet , plus I do see my parents quite often.

The "friends" I have are online only.

View attachment 150139

What happens when we manage 100,000 hours?

 

[bart352]

When I'm in a situation where I'm forced to associate with people I am a social butterfly, but I prefer to be alone.
Basically growing up I forced myself to try and fake being normal in social situations and now it's just second nature.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Definitely qualify.

 

[Reticent Being]

Sometimes, i feel less alone because i have the internet, tv shows, books and such. As far as friends to hang out with, celebrate my birthday with, and shoulders to cry on, none. I dont think it exists for me anymore.

I've always been alone because i was a nonverbal person growing up. Now, conversations feel like a game i dont understand how to play. Then making friends doesnt matter because they never stay. People in my life tend to be busy, aggressive, have random mood swings and have triggers that i cant keep track of. Then they tend to be self obsessed and ignorant of others pain. I feel like i have to have a fake smile on and tone down what i really want to say, so i dont appear cynical or like an efilist.

It's the constantly thinking about how others percieve me that hurts. it makes me comfortable being alone bc i dont have to deal with being observed and making a positive impression. I dont always like being alone. Sometimes it's nice not being around anyone who makes me feel worse about myself. It's nice being alone where i'm not comparing myself to a neurotypical person and feeling ostracized.

 

[vampire2002]

my contamination ocd causes me to isolate myself heavily. i feel dirty being around other people, they tend to gross me out. not only that, i don't really get along with the people i live with, my family. i can go weeks without seeing them, because usually when i do, we fight. i only have one friend, even online, and it's my boyfriend. i don't know if i'm exactly a loner, because i'm not entirely content living like this, but i live like one.
however i've always had issues interacting with others my whole life, be it making friends or getting close to family. it's difficult for me to get close to people. as a kid i would offen be the type to sit alone during recess and read instead of playing with other kids. even if i wanted friends, trying to make them almost always resulted in being seen as weird or off-putting. my family has always thought i was rude because i was shy and not very affectionate. i was often neglected by my parents as a kid.
i've spent the vast majority of my life alone. although i love my peace and quiet, i'm not sure if it's what i want or not anymore. for me, isolation seems more like an inevitability. i usually cannot form friendships, and when i can, i cannot sustain them. except for one person it seems, who is my boyfriend.

 

[steppenwolf]

Yes, I am. I'm fifty and I've spent my entire adult life alone. It's perfectly all right to be alone, even if it is still taboo just like homosexuals living together used to be.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't know, I'm quite conflicted. For the most part, I want to be alone irl but then there's a tiny part of me that doesn't and instead wishes to have somebody that could relate, be empathetic and be understanding of my suffering and views regarding society. I don't want to interact with people irl that cannot understand me and I hate that I'm forced to. Dealing with people who can't understand me is so annoying and I hate that it's mandatory for me to interact with others irl. Of course I don't have any friends irl but I'm still forced to be social which I find to be exhausting. I envy dead people so much as they don't have to deal with any human bullshit

 

[pyx]

don't know. i have friends by convention, if that. but i feel pretty alienated from them, as i do around most people

 

[NoPoint2Life]

my contamination ocd causes me to isolate myself heavily. i feel dirty being around other people, they tend to gross me out. not only that, i don't really get along with the people i live with, my family. i can go weeks without seeing them, because usually when i do, we fight. i only have one friend, even online, and it's my boyfriend. i don't know if i'm exactly a loner, because i'm not entirely content living like this, but i live like one.
however i've always had issues interacting with others my whole life, be it making friends or getting close to family. it's difficult for me to get close to people. as a kid i would offen be the type to sit alone during recess and read instead of playing with other kids. even if i wanted friends, trying to make them almost always resulted in being seen as weird or off-putting. my family has always thought i was rude because i was shy and not very affectionate. i was often neglected by my parents as a kid.
i've spent the vast majority of my life alone. although i love my peace and quiet, i'm not sure if it's what i want or not anymore. for me, isolation seems more like an inevitability. i usually cannot form friendships, and when i can, i cannot sustain them. except for one person it seems, who is my boyfriend.

Finally, someone else with contamination OCD here! Definitely isolating it totally makes me want to stay at home rather than make any effort to go out. I can however manage on the outside if I have to. I was impatient last year and that was the most socializing i've done in 10 days than I have had total in years and years. Thank goodness there weren't too many scary people. So it was a good group to be stuck with. It was bizarre, but I actually made a friend. We've kept in touch even though she recently moved. but I hate my home feeling dirty so I'm very careful there. Unfortunately I live with my parents and help to take care of my mother who has a lot of health issues ( someone with OCD should definitely not be a caretaker! ) I always wonder if my OCD would be as bad if I lived alone. I like being alone and have always been somewhat of a loner. I am an only child so I think it is partly due to that.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I feel emotionally lonely. In a sense, I am a loner, but this is not by choice. I think it's strange how you can be surrounded by people yet still feel completely alone. For much of my life, I feel as though I don't have an identity—I don't "feel like myself". I don't know who I really am, or what I'm doing. Being a social chameleon has become an aspect of my personality, changing my colours so as to blend in with the crowd. Communication feels unnatural as I'm always walking on eggshells, trying my best not to upset anyone by saying something that might be hurtful or offensive.

In addition to the lack of social skills and finding it difficult to relate to others, I have the feeling that no one's interested in getting to know who I really am. This applies to even those closest to me. So I find it hard to open up and let myself be vulnerable. Looking back at my upbringing, I realised I wasn't allowed to be a child—a human child. Instead I was this little puppy wagging its tail at its masters. Learning to obey through punishment and reward, and providing emotional support whenever it is needed—I listened to them dump their adult problems onto me. I think it's no coincidence that one of my teachers made a comment about me being "wise beyond my years". With that being said, my parents' relationship as husband and wife was (and still is) defined by conflict—triangulation, character assassination, and smear campaigns. Hence, with role models such as these, I learned to fear people. I think to myself, "If that's what a relationship is like, then I want no part of it".

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Yes, I am. I'm fifty and I've spent my entire adult life alone. It's perfectly all right to be alone, even if it is still taboo just like homosexuals living together used to be.

Loneliness is extremely unhealthy eventually though. It can even harm part of your brain when you don't interact with others

 

[Morte]

I'm really alone, I don't have friends, my only contacts are my parents and even then I don't have any intimacy with them.

Loneliness is extremely unhealthy eventually though. It can even harm part of your brain when you don't interact with others

I also think that, in the past I was able to build some friendships, but nowadays I'm a robot. It feels some part of my brain linked to communication has atrophied.