Is being upbeat a choice?

[HGL91]

My whole life, I've never been "upbeat" unless I fake it. I remember even when watching home videos in the 90s (On VHS lol) of when my 2 cousins my age and I were little kids, they'd be so excited to see Santa and sit on his lap, and I'd just blink and look around like I was wondering "What's the big deal?"

I had to learn to be upbeat. Even now, people will say "Wow! Isn't that view beautiful?!?" when looking at mountains or the ocean, and I'll think "Be up beat" and then purposely widen my eyes and say "Yes! Absolutely!" But it takes so much energy and thought. Being upbeat exhausts me.

Is being upbeat a choice? Is everyone secretly faking being upbeat? Or am I the only one?

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

i really don't fucking get sober upbeat happy people......a lot of em are sex addicts tho ive learned.......boy i wish i could be as energetic and happy as sober people with energy are!!! nope.

 

[DreamCatcher]

It's not a choice. You can pretend or put a smile on, but it won't actually make life better to pretend it is. I fake smile as well as the rest of them. People think I'm happy and cheerful while I'm quickly dying inside.

Part of that is depression, where things that I used to enjoy don't make me happy anymore, and the other part is that people go through a lot of awful and amazingly inhumane evils out there, happy thoughts won't make those better.

I honestly think most upbeat people are faking it, or pretending that everything is okay even if it isn't. I haven't met a person that was genuinely happy 100% of the time, they just don't exist. Or maybe they're on some anti depressant that actually works for them, that's a possibility in a lot of cases too.

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

i really think its more of a vice thing. different people have different vices.

 

[shelledone]

My whole life, I've never been "upbeat" unless I fake it. I remember even when watching home videos in the 90s (On VHS lol) of when my 2 cousins my age and I were little kids, they'd be so excited to see Santa and sit on his lap, and I'd just blink and look around like I was wondering "What's the big deal?"

I had to learn to be upbeat. Even now, people will say "Wow! Isn't that view beautiful?!?" when looking at mountains or the ocean, and I'll think "Be up beat" and then purposely widen my eyes and say "Yes! Absolutely!" But it takes so much energy and thought. Being upbeat exhausts me.

Is being upbeat a choice? Is everyone secretly faking being upbeat? Or am I the only one?

I feel the same way. I lack the curiosity about and wonder of the world I'm apparently supposed to have. Family vacations bored me and seemed like a waste of money. I lack the inner light to be bubbly and upbeat. School assignments where I'm supposed to share a good time or memory (ha) or even hypothetical good times (fantasies) would torture me.

However, in real life I can hardly fake being upbeat. I just don't have the vocabulary for even that much. I go along and sit back in "wonder" that people want to be there.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

The brain is a curious piece of meat.
I've read of a girl who used a clicker to Pavlov herself into "being happy", a rather wide definition, by activating the thing.
In a way, she did succeed. She rewired herself to release absurdly large amounts of dopamine upon activation of the clicker. She created a correlation between the clicker and dopamine. Since there's supposedly nothing happening around, a neutral situation, then general happiness should incur, right?
What actually happened is that clicking the clicker made her addicted to it. The click was indeed making her happy, but very exhausted afterwards, something akin to drugs. The high and the low.

Rewiring yourself into being upbeat is definitely positive. It's not easy, but possible.
Do beware, actual rewiring, not just putting a mask on, is dangerous, and while possible, the brain is still not explored wide enough to rewire safely.
On the other hand, scientific progress is lead by mad scientists.

I cannot actively support your idea, not vocally, at least.

 

[Baskol1]

The brain is a curious piece of meat.
I've read of a girl who used a clicker to Pavlov herself into "being happy", a rather wide definition, by activating the thing.
In a way, she did succeed. She rewired herself to release absurdly large amounts of dopamine upon activation of the clicker. She created a correlation between the clicker and dopamine. Since there's supposedly nothing happening around, a neutral situation, then general happiness should incur, right?
What actually happened is that clicking the clicker made her addicted to it. The click was indeed making her happy, but very exhausted afterwards, something akin to drugs. The high and the low.

Rewiring yourself into being upbeat is definitely positive. It's not easy, but possible.
Do beware, actual rewiring, not just putting a mask on, is dangerous, and while possible, the brain is still not explored wide enough to rewire safely.
On the other hand, scientific progress is lead by mad scientists.

I cannot actively support your idea, not vocally, at least.

I dont think anyone can be always happy, not possible.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I am a bubbly and upbeat by nature and it's my baseline. Especially when I encounter animals. However, if too much shit is on my mind (internal crap) or if assholes in this world are fucking with me (external crap), the bubbly goes flat and I must fake the upbeat. I have it much easier to move through world, in general, when I present myself as being pleasant towards the world regardless of how I feel on the inside in order not to draw more negativity and shit to myself. I wish I had figured this out at an earlier age. I don't fake at home or in therapy.

 

[Baskol1]

I am a bubbly and upbeat by nature and it's my baseline. Especially when I encounter animals. However, if too much shit is on my mind (internal crap) or if assholes in this world are fucking with me (external crap), the bubbly goes flat and I must fake the upbeat. I have it much easier to move through world, in general, when I present myself as being pleasant towards the world regardless of how I feel on the inside in order not to draw more negativity and shit to myself. I wish I had figured this out at an earlier age. I don't fake at home or in therapy.

Its hard to be upbeat if youre constantly anxious and have chronic pain. I am too rather optimistic normally, but it is hard whe nthe circumstances are horrible.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Its hard to be upbeat if youre constantly anxious and have chronic pain. I am too rather optimistic normally, but it is hard whe nthe circumstances are horrible.

I am truly sorry for your suffering. So you are in physical pain? There are different kinds of suffering and people are drawn to this forum for different reasons. It is a gift to find others and not feel so alone. I am fortunate to have a healthy body; my suffering comes more from the aftermath of multiple forms of trauma, childhood mostly. On bad days my suffering serves to put what I call a 'shit filter' over my perceptions and that is when I deploy my 'get through the day without making things worse by putting shitty negative energy out into the world' exterior persona. It works great for me and thought I'd share in case anyone can benefit from the info.

 

[Baskol1]

I am truly sorry for your suffering. So you are in physical pain? There are different kinds of suffering and people are drawn to this forum for different reasons. It is a gift to find others and not feel so alone. I am fortunate to have a healthy body; my suffering comes more from the aftermath of multiple forms of trauma, childhood mostly. On bad days my suffering serves to put what I call a 'shit filter' over my perceptions and that is when I deploy my 'get through the day without making things worse by putting shitty negative energy out into the world' exterior persona. It works great for me and thought I'd share in case anyone can benefit from the info.

Yes im always in chronical pain, its very annoying, and i dont know why.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Yes im always in chronical pain, its very annoying, and i dont know why.

There is a book, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD

 

[HGL91]

Wow. A lot of interesting answers. It's a bummer so many of us feel we must fake it. :/

I feel the same way. I lack the curiosity about and wonder of the world I'm apparently supposed to have. Family vacations bored me and seemed like a waste of money. I lack the inner light to be bubbly and upbeat. School assignments where I'm supposed to share a good time or memory (ha) or even hypothetical good times (fantasies) would torture me.

However, in real life I can hardly fake being upbeat. I just don't have the vocabulary for even that much. I go along and sit back in "wonder" that people want to be there.

Yeah, I've never felt that curiosity or wonder either. I actually found family vacations to be the high light of my life growing up, but yes, even those don't make me want to stick around. I'm kid, I'd always get extra sad when I got home after the trip.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Wow. A lot of interesting answers. It's a bummer so many of us feel we must fake it. :/

I completely agree.

 

[JoeFailure]

i really don't fucking get sober upbeat happy people......a lot of em are sex addicts tho ive learned.......boy i wish i could be as energetic and happy as sober people with energy are!!! nope.

I actually was sober, upbeat, and happy for most of my life. And I'm the opposite of a sex addict, I had something happen to me when I was young that essentially led me to be a 35 year old virgin now.

But I also lived most of my life completely naive and oblivious to reality and what it actually means to be an adult.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Yeah I can't even fake being that upbeat. Furthest I can go is moderate enthusiasm these days. I don't think it's a choice. Many know how to fake it, some actually feel it, but we don't. It's all dependent on one thing or the other.

 

[HGL91]

I actually was sober, upbeat, and happy for most of my life. And I'm the opposite of a sex addict, I had something happen to me when I was young that essentially led me to be a 35 year old virgin now.

But I also lived most of my life completely naive and oblivious to reality and what it actually means to be an adult.

How'd you live most of your life naive and oblivious??

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I think that for some of us, it is a skill we must develop.

Take empathy, for example. Some people are naturally empathetic, and some people have to learn to be sympathetic. Take Marc Maron as an example.

Some people are born with natural optimism, which arguably, breeds being "upbeat", and some of us have to learn to be optimistic.

Edit: reading the other comments, i feel the need to clarify. I mean we must unlock and learn to never truly happy and upbeat, not fake shit. Although I do believe that faking it will help to "make it"

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I dont think anyone can be always happy, not possible.

Not always, no.
Once somebody is always happy, then it becomes normal, and they need more happiness to double the dose for the same high. It's like a drug. It IS a drug: dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.
Happiness can be manufactured in a lab, if you know the recipe, the dosage. You can overdose on happiness, you can have physical ills from too much happiness, that's why we're not happy often.
I like to believe we, the depressed, are actually sober, kind of like recovering alcoholics.

 

[HGL91]

Not always, no.
Once somebody is always happy, then it becomes normal, and they need more happiness to double the dose for the same high. It's like a drug. It IS a drug: dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.
Happiness can be manufactured in a lab, if you know the recipe, the dosage. You can overdose on happiness, you can have physical ills from too much happiness, that's why we're not happy often.
I like to believe we, the depressed, are actually sober, kind of like recovering alcoholics.

My Mormon cousins, aunt and uncle always seems happy and are positive and upbeat about everything. I always wonder how they do it without caffeine, alcohol, or drugs. It truly puzzles me.

I'm only happy with meds or alcohol. I'm depressed when sober.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

My Mormon cousins, aunt and uncle always seems happy and are positive and upbeat about everything. I always wonder how they do it without caffeine, alcohol, or drugs. It truly puzzles me.

I'm only happy with meds or alcohol. I'm depressed when sober.

If they're happy all the time, I believe it's an act.
It's pavloving. They were taught to act this way from young age. To you they look happy and upbeat, for them it's normal.
Happiness is very subjective.

 

[Melly]

I don't think anyone can always be happy. I know some people who say they are, but they're lying to themselves. It's often religious people, but many seem to only be alive for death, hoping to go to paradise if they behave. They don't allow themselves to feel anything other than happiness. It's very forced. I don't want to always be happy, I just want peace of mind. There's something creepy about people who force themselves to be happy all the time.

But when a person is always happy, is it even happiness anymore? A guy I know who always says he's doing great and keeps saying he is truly happy just seems neutral all the time. It's like he got used to happiness and it's not a big deal anymore. He seems brainwashed almost.

I don't know many people who are overly energetic and positive all the time but I know I am when everyone around me is exceptionally sad. I try to lighten the mood up a bit and to cheer everyone up because I can't stand seeing people sad.
I also tend to be like that when I want people to like me... I know most people don't like sad people. They want someone positive in their lives, think I am, become my friend. As soon as I stop being happy they stop talking to me. So I show them my happy side all day and cry all night. It's very very exhausting. Note that I only talk to people online. I don't know how being like that in person is. I feel like if I pretended to be happy in person for long enough I'd eventually be genuinely happy. But I'm too scared to leave my house and have no social contacts whatsoever.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Faking it is fucking exhausting and at the end of the day why bother because it's all bullshit because your faking it anyway.

 

[oopswronglife]

Americans specifically have this weird "positivity" fetish. Self help books and media push it. There was even a book written about the phenomenon. It's so bad that they think people from other places that are just "normal" are "depressive, negative, rude" etc. Neutral is normal in a healthy person. Upbeat happens sometimes and super down happens sometimes. Sadly we here are on the down end a lot due to our circumstances, but the "upbeat" crowd is forcing it to happen to feel they are doing it right or to fit some expectation. Nobody is like that when they are alone in the shower. Being positive in your thoughts is a good thing to move forward in life...but it's taken to weird extremes by American culture with all the huge smiles and ebullience. As people have noted it's exhausting to everyone and is ultimately fraudulent.

On a similar note though...while we cannot choose emotions for the most part...we CAN choose how we react. We can choose to pause and think WHY we are having them rather than screaming at someone or being reactive. Sometimes you get overwhelmed and lose it...but even then its a choice to not back off, to double down, to refuse to apologize in order to feel justified.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I guess is possible..coaches earn money manipulating people to believe something with all the nlp but the techniques are more for a emotional efect do they don't last.
Maybe people keep it up with self help books to change the negative phrases in the head. And if thats not enough try therapy :/

 

[HGL91]

Americans specifically have this weird "positivity" fetish. Self help books and media push it. There was even a book written about the phenomenon. It's so bad that they think people from other places that are just "normal" are "depressive, negative, rude" etc. Neutral is normal in a healthy person. Upbeat happens sometimes and super down happens sometimes. Sadly we here are on the down end a lot due to our circumstances, but the "upbeat" crowd is forcing it to happen to feel they are doing it right or to fit some expectation. Nobody is like that when they are alone in the shower. Being positive in your thoughts is a good thing to move forward in life...but it's taken to weird extremes by American culture with all the huge smiles and ebullience. As people have noted it's exhausting to everyone and is ultimately fraudulent.

On a similar note though...while we cannot choose emotions for the most part...we CAN choose how we react. We can choose to pause and think WHY we are having them rather than screaming at someone or being reactive. Sometimes you get overwhelmed and lose it...but even then its a choice to not back off, to double down, to refuse to apologize in order to feel justified.

Great post! I agree that Americans behave this way more than other nations. Though, with globalization due to the internet and Instagram, it seems like a lot of countries are copying this upbeat persona.

 

[Baskol1]

Great post! I agree that Americans behave this way more than other nations. Though, with globalization due to the internet and Instagram, it seems like a lot of countries are copying this upbeat persona.

Especially on quora and instagram its extreme. But yes these are mostly americans. But despite this, the suicide rate is increasing.
How can they always be happy? No i dont think they are that happy, this is just a mask.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Especially on quora and instagram its extreme. But yes these are mostly americans. But despite this, the suicide rate is increasing.

In my country is like the new epidemic, every thing that they do they have to film it or take a photo, post happy quotes, some even brag saying that if someone complain about it is because it "repel bad vibes" (some weird new code) or you have a "gray aura", "not the same energy".
I suspect that way of taking things is increasing suicides, you can see it in Japan about how the culture force them to show the happy mask.

 

[Baskol1]

In my country is like the new epidemic, every thing that they do they have to film it or take a photo, post happy quotes, some even brag saying that if someone complain about it is because it "repel bad vibes" (some weird new code) or you have a "gray aura", "not the same energy".
I suspect that way of taking things is increasing suicides, you can see it in Japan about how the culture force them to show the happy mask.

Yes, thats the thing, they pretend to be happy, but are actually not, there are more suicidal people than ever. But on the surface everyone seems to be happy all the time. I bet in south korea its even worse.

 

[HGL91]

In my country is like the new epidemic, every thing that they do they have to film it or take a photo, post happy quotes, some even brag saying that if someone complain about it is because it "repel bad vibes" (some weird new code) or you have a "gray aura", "not the same energy".
I suspect that way of taking things is increasing suicides, you can see it in Japan about how the culture force them to show the happy mask.

Right? And everyone loves to overuse the word 'toxic'. "That person isn't smiling! They're toxic and I'm cutting them out of my life!" "That person is crying because they're mom died! I'm removing that toxicity from my life." Basically, human interaction is 'toxic' now.

That's scary to know it's spreading to other countries.