Help Is it a good idea to stay with my mentally ill partner?

[microwaved_dawg]

For some background my partner has been through some pretty nasty trauma over the years and has been diagnosed with ocd and bpd, for the most part I've endured her constant anxiety attacks with extreme reactions even leading to vomiting. I understand her and try to support her and although I don't have a diagnosis I'm not the most stable nor resilient person out there (I think my mere presence in this forum shows it), and I honestly feel like being with her has taken a toll on me.

Our relationship is flawed as fuck, even with friends constantly telling us to break up. I honestly have a lot of trouble with who she is because of family ideals and trauma (apparently it is trauma and not just some dumb shit, but ok) mainly with her past of drug addiction and her tattoos which I can't see without feeling physically sick. For her part she lives constantly stressed because she thinks I'm going to cheat on her when I get fed up of her shit, just like her ex did and gets mad over the slightest things like a woman looking a me a bit too much for her liking when we were on the bus (I didn't even notice that woman).

For the most part It's been ok, but the last few months have been EXCRUCUIATING. After the sudden passing of two of my closest relatives, a lot of school ´projects and the ´poorest academic performance I've had to this day I became quite unstable. I was always on a hair trigger, constantly under tension and she was just the cherry on top. Combined with the constant arguing and her telling me that I should see a therapist and that I was just as sick as she led to my failed CTB and a crashout detailed in another one of my posts. The worst part is that after I failed she was the one that exposed me to both my parents and my friends (with whom I cut ties due to them hating me after the attempt).

I sometimes want to leave, but I can't and she is not able to leave either. I guess we are just two love starved freaks. My therapist told me to stay as far away from her as posible because that will only cause more harm than good, but I just can't help it. I would really appreciate it if you gave me some advise about this.

 

[yowai]

You need to set boundaries and maybe distance yourself emotionally if your partner affects your mental health that badly, build some support system outside of them and maybe when you get better you'll realize there's no need to cling to them anymore
When both people are fucked up being fucked up can become a comfort zone for them and they'll be just pulling each other down, one will enable another's unhealthy behaviours etc. You need to help yourself first to be able to help someone else. Just from reading your post your relationship seems terribly suffocating

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

You need to put your priorities in order here. Your health is important. How can you help her, if yours fails? Life is never easy, and I know from my last relationship, which really made me ill, you have to put yourself first, and work on from there. Can you get any help from someone?

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Definetly leave. Or at least read a book about trauma and relationships. I'm currently reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It explains that while all relationships have challenges here and there. They should never be a constant struggle. I'll add they should never threaten your physical safety either.

That's good on you to recognize your own faults. But that doesn't mean you deserve this nightmare. I would further read into what an abusive relationship is. If she goes as far as to accuse you of cheating more than once for no good reason, that would be abuse.

I honestly don't see how you, or she could heal while in a relationship with each other.

You need to put your priorities in order here. Your health is important. How can you help her, if yours fails? Life is never easy, and I know from my last relationship, which really made me ill, you have to put yourself first, and work on from there. Can you get any help from someone?

100% no doubt. Always put yourself first ESPECIALLY if you want to help others or be there for another. If you're not doing well enough yourself there is nothing you can do for another.