Is it selfish pursue a relationship?

[CallmeWill4719]

When I constantly do not want to be here and my mental illness BS thinks the other person is better off and kind of wants to sabotage the relationship? So many days I just don't understand why this guy is into me and I just feel like I don't deserve him which I know is so dumb. Relationships are so scary but I've never had one and I'm really trying to make one work I just feel so selfish all the time for trying to do this in the first place when so many things set me off and I just want to die.

 

[me_when_:D]

When I constantly do not want to be here and my mental illness BS thinks the other person is better off and kind of wants to sabotage the relationship? So many days I just don't understand why this guy is into me and I just feel like I don't deserve him which I know is so dumb. Relationships are so scary but I've never had one and I'm really trying to make one work I just feel so selfish all the time for trying to do this in the first place when so many things set me off and I just want to die.

One thing I can say for sure, this is not black and white. Selfish or not.
It's more complex than that. Definition of selfishness is a bit abstract and hard to put into concrete borders.

If the guy knows you are thay way and is okay with it, then it's 110% not selfish.
But if the guy doesn't, then it becomes debatable (like 50/50). To me this isn't evil or bad or selfish

I often felt it was selfish for me to do good, because then people would start to like me and them seeing me suffer would make them sad. But it was clearly not selfish in hindsight

 

[3/4Dead]

Agreed that this is not a black and white issue + selfishness is abstract, yeah.

For some poeple it's too hard to watch the people they love and care about live through mental illness, and then for others its just another part of you as an individual. It's all relative, honestly. I dunno if I'd say its entirely "selfish" though. I've been avoiding relationships like the plauge, and all the people who I've considered dating i've come out the gate saying that I'm suicidal and intend to kill myself blah blah blah and the people who feel like they're in a good place to handle that stick around and those who aren't don't. Just gotta give people their autonomy