Is making an argument in favor of antinatalism associated with being a virgin and/or disliking sex?

[noname223]

Some weeks ago I opened up in my self-help group that I sympathize with antinatalism. I used the term reproduce often. Some of them know I never was a relationship. I think some people considered this philosophy cringe.

I am sort of paranoid. I think most people barely think about me or my sex life. Someone in this group who is heavy into drugs wants to be friend with me. He was a little bit aggressive and annoying. I said the truth that I am scared as shit about drugs and that taking drugs is a red flag for me. It got heated. He told me no alcohol, no drugs you probably also don't have/like sex or something like that. I told him I have no issue with sex. I wonder how he came up with that. And whether my sympathy for antinatalism nudged him into this direction. But we both calmed down afterwards. Maybe he thought it because I take antipsychotics. He does not know I never was in a relationship.

I think one guy thought I might be jealous of his one-night stand he is in an open relationship. Now I had the feeling he might think I dislike sex. Lol. After my thoughts on antinatalism. But I cannot read the head of these people.

We also talked about oversharing in this group. And there was something I said. Especially, the things you feel ashamed for is for many people a non-issue. I felt embarrassed after talking about my love delusions. Or that I never was in a relationship. (This could change soon.) But I think oneself is too unimportant in the lives of others so that they waste their energy to think about you. Most people don't give a shit about you.

There was one person in the group who knew I never was in a relationship and I think they considered it a little bit cringe. Afterwards I told them on a dating app I had an opportunity for a one-night stand with a good looking woman. And they was really stunned I turned that woman down. I don't dislike sex though.

I think I am not the kind of guy for a one-night stand especially not for my first time. And I also don't want to have sex with another woman when I am in a relationship. I am sort of traditional and a little bit conservative on this issue. Which is ironic because antinatalism is not really conservative.

I think giving zero fucks is the right attitude in this instance. But I would not debate antinatalism with anyone. I am not fully convinced on it anyway.

 

[derpyderpins]

Having had a lot of conversations with antinatalists here, I'll say where the biggest disagreement tends to come is the potential upside of the good parts of life. It's always this equation of the good v. bad, and they think it's obvious that the bad is more, and therefore conclude that bringing someone to life is bad. To me, having been both very down and very up, I can say with confidence that the good can outweigh the bad by being so powerful.

So, it could be said that if one doesn't get the full experience out of the good parts of life (and I am a firm advocate that there is far more joy beyond sex, from having an intimate connection with someone you love) that one would be more likely to adopt the view that there isn't enough good to justify life. A lot of people who would call me a sheep or whatever for thinking how I do haven't had the experiences I've had.

In fairness, people who have not had it rough may not be able to understand the bad side as well as someone who has.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Tbh I had never even considered this before. But no, I don't think there's an association, except maybe a spurious one where people who are more likely to become antinatalists are also more likely to possess certain personality traits, like a tendency to overanalyze/overthink, that makes careless sex unappealing. Even that I would doubt though.

 

[noname223]

Tbh I had never even considered this before. But no, I don't think there's an association, except maybe a spurious one where people who are more likely to become antinatalists are also more likely to possess certain personality traits, like a tendency to overanalyze/overthink, that make careless sex unappealing. Even that I would doubt though.

Yeah I am sort of paranoid this evening. This is severe overthinking.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Most people who are antinatalists, at least from my experience, do not have a dislike for sex and are usually not virgins. Antinatalism seems to be closely associated with things, like past trauma and concerns around the current and future state of the world, rather than whether or not someone is a virgin or dislikes sex. Antinatalist views seem to tie more into the use of birth control, abortion, and sterilization. Negative attitudes towards sex mostly appear when talking about it about procreation. I've only come across a minority of antinatalists who straight-up dislike sex as a whole and who happen to want to start celibate.

Again, this is purely based on my own experiences with them, so that may be reflective of other people's experiences with that group.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Yeah I am sort of paranoid this evening. This is severe overthinking.

Is it because of the woman you started seeing? How are things going with her?

 

[noname223]

Is it because of the woman you started seeing? How are things going with her?

Bro you even know my lore. Lol. Or have you concluded that because of my love delusions?

She wants a relationship with me. And might meet at her place soon. I am pretty scared to get paranoid or hypomanic. The only issue I have with her is that her need for interactions with me is quite low. But I might develop feelings for her. Our dates and phone calls got better with time.

Thanks for showing interest. I have admitted some secrets to her thus far and she had no problems with them. I told her I am bipolar and never was in a relationship thus far.

I was paranoid because of the self-help group and this heated debate on drugs.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can see there being some kind of correlation but almost all of the discourse I've seen on both topics comes from this website and I can't say that's actually reflective of everything. It could be true for some people but I don't have anything more useful to say than that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I felt like there might be more of a connection between people not wanting children themselves and antinatilism. I ran a poll recently...

Of the antinatilists here, how many actually wanted children? Poll

I'm curious. Of those of us who are antinatalist now- have you actually wanted children in the past?

sanctioned-suicide.net

Not so sure if it connects to sex though. I think I misread the question though... You're not so much asking whether there is a genuine connection between the two? More- that outsiders might connect the two?

Maybe. It's not seen as 'normal'. I've been gently grilled in the past as to why I didn't have or want children. I thought it was weird I was having to defend the position. But then, I thought- how on earth do I answer this without insulting or worrying them? As in- I'm an antinatilist and don't think it's fair to bring children into this shit show. Or, I tell them I'd fear my children would end up as unhappy as I am. Neither seemed wise, so I went with- I never found Mr. Right. (Also true.)

But yeah, I'm sure people do view me as some sad, pathetic virgin. I don't massively care though. I may well have had more orgasms than them! Lol. Sorry- pretty NSFW.

 

[astr4]

uh i don't think most humans nowadays are having sex solely for reproductive purposes, so i can't really see a correlation there. maybe in a more conservative country that would be the case? but from what i see in my age bracket 20-30, people are just fucking!

 

[Deleted member 8119]

Having had a lot of conversations with antinatalists here, I'll say where the biggest disagreement tends to come is the potential upside of the good parts of life. It's always this equation of the good v. bad, and they think it's obvious that the bad is more, and therefore conclude that bringing someone to life is bad. To me, having been both very down and very up, I can say with confidence that the good can outweigh the bad by being so powerful.

Some. Others think about the impact of others or society as a whole. I was doing decent when I turned one for solely social reasons, before realizing how completely alone I was on that and what people there really were, unaware I was joining a literal fucking cult. As for today I don't want to be at all related to this people. It's literally like inceldom. It's fine to feel alone or think low on others life, but if you have decency you don't associate yourself with those terms because the meaning completely changed over time. (You should do a thread about anti-natalism at some point, your threads are fire.)(Also having felt both sides too I can confidently say it's not worth it + life does have more bads + for some won't even get better + all the shit a society needs to survive including "developed" nations LOL!!!)

Anyway sorry for the rant. On topic: idk if virginity shapes their views, but I'm sure as hell (and @derpyderpins has some right here) that depression does. More than half would've never considered it they were content. It's proven that people project af, on every field and every belief, but here is more notable because some may not even experience the good parts and know in first person how it feels.

 

[derpyderpins]

Some. Others think about the impact of others or society as a whole. I was doing decent when I turned one for solely social reasons, before realizing how completely alone I was on that and what people there really were, unaware I was joining a literal fucking cult. As for today I don't want to be at all related to this people. It's literally like inceldom. It's fine to feel alone or think low on others life, but if you have decency you don't associate yourself with those terms because the meaning completely changed over time.

There is a lot of cult-like behavior. You can watch someone go from being a little down and having some questions about life to being completely engrossed in the negativity very quickly.

(You should do a thread about anti-natalism at some point, your threads are fire.)

Awe, shucks. Thanks. I've posted about it a lot in others' threads, so it would really be a compilation of things I've said.

(Also having felt both sides too I can confidently say it's not worth it + life does have more bads + for some won't even get better + all the shit a society needs to survive including "developed" nations LOL!!!)

Well the key word in what I said is "can." It "can" be worth it. If at least one person has found it to be worth it, then it is possible for a human to find it to be worth it. This is very important for the discussion because it changes the argument drastically. If having a life where the good outweighs the bad is impossible, we are focusing on things like purpose and religion and subjective factors like opportunity to experience things. Stuff that can be more easily hand-waved. If it is possible for someone to find life worth it, now we're talking numbers. What percent and so on.

Anyway sorry for the rant. On topic: idk if virginity shapes their views, but I'm sure as hell (and @derpyderpins has some right here) that depression does. More than half would've never considered it they were content. It's proven that people project af, on every field and every belief, but here is more notable because some may not even experience the good parts and know in first person how it feels.

Yeah, absolutely. I think that if there's a correlation with virginity it is likely a correlation with a basket of related factors. Depression can sustain virginity if you can't approach anyone, and virginity (lack of intimacy, specifically) can exacerbate depression. Anti-social personality disorders are probably in there as well.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Bro you even know my lore. Lol. Or have you concluded that because of my love delusions?

I make a point of clicking on your posts whenever I see them, even if I don't end up responding; I like keeping tabs on our little gang of regular users lol.

She wants a relationship with me. And might meet at her place soon. I am pretty scared to get paranoid or hypomanic. The only issue I have with her is that her need for interactions with me is quite low. But I might develop feelings for her. Our dates and phone calls got better with time.

Thanks for showing interest. I have admitted some secrets to her thus far and she had no problems with them. I told her I am bipolar and never was in a relationship thus far.

I was paranoid because of the self-help group and this heated debate on drugs.

Sounds like a pretty good start to me, hope it works out. Her need for interaction with you might just need some time to develop.