Venting Is that really all there is to it?

[GoSan1]

Skip Green Text if you don't wanna see venting and see the main post.

I am sorry for these venting posts, I keep telling myself that my last post would be the last one, just to come back here. Something keeps bringing me back to this forum. It might be the community, the acceptance of suicidality, or the fact that I think I'll be a good human if I selfishly synthesize with all in the same situation. But I do feel sorry for all of us, it's an internal inflict...

Either way, the reason I'm posting this is because I'm going back to the garbage human I was before, doing things I don't even like which I then regret doing, just to do it again. I mean, I did it 5 minutes ago in Valorant, and I still don't know why I'm playing when it gets me this mad. Maybe because only that can distract me? But where does the anger come from? Ah either way, here's the main post:

I can't get over this idea of life. So let's combine science and religion as well as spirituality in one post. Let's say we were created out of luck by a big bang, Biology did its thing, and boom, humans. You're telling me that depression, which existed for how many and many millennia was something the body was never able to adapt to? That's like winning the lottery, just to then not be able to buy any anything with it.

That's one of many reasons why I don't believe in science, but I have also lost most of my faith, like how are we expected to be good and all when our lives are so terribly wrong. I know I'm a dogshit human piece of trash, but it's not like I want to be. Heck, I want to be one cute man, but nah, mentality said "Nuh uh!". So why would God and Jesus if they truly exist, do such a horrible thing? Then there's this idea of spirits and other gods, but the same thing applies differently. I could drag this on for much longer, but I don't wanna waste anyone's energy and time, since I know how hard it is to read long texts when you lack motivation and everything...

So is that it? Straight up just no escape, you're seen as "sick" or have something called "bipolar disorder" which I btw hate from my guts. Like that word alone gets me so angry, you're telling me there's this debuff-like thing that just destroys your whole life? And for god's sake the stories I have read on here, abuse up to straight rape. Like how, why is that even possible? Free Will sure seems weak when another Free Will can restrict yours in seconds. If that's all there is to it, then I get the ending of "Platinum End" which people hated so much, the Author is a genius, since I would do the same thing. (Care, Platinum End spoiler) Just end it all.

I really do hope we all find our dreams and wishes, and more then just that. Even if we do bad things, hurt others and all, it's not like we were given a choice with this...

If you have read all of this, thank you. That is something I'd be really grateful for.

 

[LukaParrot]

Depression is a very bad illness, in past years... the unique way people found to live / deal with that was drinking and doings drugs.

Even people that reach the "sky" like Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe.... in my opinion suffered with depression.

Today we made some progress, like psychologists, psychiatrists, drugs that can help you. It's hard to find the right doctor and the right drug that works for you, keep trying a little more.

Wishing you better days.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your situation.

I also wonder how depression and other mental illnesses fit in with evolution. The general trend you would think would be that attributes that benefit a species succeed best.

The 'problem' I suppose is, mental illness and depression doesn't necessarily kill. And, not always before people reproduce. In a way, I suppose you could see treatments that repress the symptoms and aim to enable people to live 'normal' lives may actually mean that they do pass their genes on. I imagine a fair bit of it- just the susceptibility to it is genetic. I also imagine our unnatural lifestyles and the amount of pollution we absord can't help.

But, we've tended to bypass the natural order. Nature is more brutal when it comes to 'weeding out' creatures who can't cope. If an animal stops eating, it likely dies. If a human does and people become aware, they will likely intervene to 'save' them. I'm obviously not saying we shouldn't! It seems like the moral thing to do- to support those who are struggling and who may otherwise, die. But, overall it means that we've effectively bypassed natural selection or, maybe we've created our own version. Maybe it isn't the strongest or fittest that get to reproduce but, maybe other things come in to play- finances etc.

Sometimes I do wonder if it's some sort of natural population control too. Many of us here are antinatilist and want to die before our natural time. Both things totally opposite to our natural programming. But- maybe it benefits the species as a whole. There are far too many of us for this earth to support us.

I've also heard other theories that the word depressed can be broken in to 'deep rest'. Some argue it's our bodies way of forcing us to rest. I don't see how that could account for things like bipolar though- which I believe is characterised by both manic and depressive phases.

 

[GoSan1]

Depression is a very bad illness, in past years... the unique way people found to live / deal with that was drinking and doings drugs.

Even people that reach the "sky" like Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe.... in my opinion suffered with depression.

Today we made some progress, like psychologists, psychiatrists, drugs that can help you. It's hard to find the right doctor and the right drug that works for you, keep trying a little more.

Wishing you better days.

To call depression an illness feels wrong to me, its nothing that can be healed and swayed off that easily. The progress is nothing in the eyes of it.

I'm so sorry for your situation.

I also wonder how depression and other mental illnesses fit in with evolution. The general trend you would think would be that attributes that benefit a species succeed best.

The 'problem' I suppose is, mental illness and depression doesn't necessarily kill. And, not always before people reproduce. In a way, I suppose you could see treatments that repress the symptoms and aim to enable people to live 'normal' lives may actually mean that they do pass their genes on. I imagine a fair bit of it- just the susceptibility to it is genetic. I also imagine our unnatural lifestyles and the amount of pollution we absord can't help.

But, we've tended to bypass the natural order. Nature is more brutal when it comes to 'weeding out' creatures who can't cope. If an animal stops eating, it likely dies. If a human does and people become aware, they will likely intervene to 'save' them. I'm obviously not saying we shouldn't! It seems like the moral thing to do- to support those who are struggling and who may otherwise, die. But, overall it means that we've effectively bypassed natural selection or, maybe we've created our own version. Maybe it isn't the strongest or fittest that get to reproduce but, maybe other things come in to play- finances etc.

Sometimes I do wonder if it's some sort of natural population control too. Many of us here are antinatilist and want to die before our natural time. Both things totally opposite to our natural programming. But- maybe it benefits the species as a whole. There are far too many of us for this earth to support us.

I've also heard other theories that the word depressed can be broken in to 'deep rest'. Some argue it's our bodies way of forcing us to rest. I don't see how that could account for things like bipolar though- which I believe is characterised by both manic and depressive phases.

That theory sounds interesting, I would maybe extend it to the existence of a soul that is the essence of a body that is tired, and without it, the body struggles to keep itself functioning normally. It's a thought process like this that make me believe in something else then plain science made by humans...

 

[WhyWasIBorn]

Please excuse any blunt honesty; this isn't the recovery section so assume more sharpness with my reply.

As someone who was religious most of my life and after being diagnosed with Bipolar some years ago I have since have shifted to atheism and agnosticism. I do ask myself a lot what exactly is making my heart continue to beat - but then I can think about my father who passed from heart failure in his 40's, and comprehend it's also the number one cause of death globally. We know electrolytes continue to make the heart beat properly, we can study how exactly they react directly with the heartbeat, etc. Why does a wolf tear open a baby bunny while it's still alive? Why does a child suffer their entire lives with painful cancer inside of a hospital without experiencing fun outdoors, friends, or just basic health while stuck inside that room attached to a beeping machine until they're dead? is it really because it was meant to be? "free-will", or a "lesson"? When these Gods claim they can split the sea or turn water into wine, they also should be able to stop a vehicle from running over and killing dozens of people.

This is more relevant with things that are happening in regards to religious extremism and terrorist attacks. There was a recent similar thread I made a reply to here:
"In my opinion; for most all people existence is only meaningful when they are fulfilling the societal expectations others can see, or comfort in religious beliefs of greater purpose and a better afterlife. Most people on here are different in that sense, that we've already broken through the faux veil that covers our eyes each day when we're told this is a gift and leaving it is selfish. Very rarely are people living in the present, grounded, and not stuck in wage-slave mode or trying to impress others. Though I believe this is only a result of our advanced emotional ape brains fighting against the animalistic instincts we have, to convince ourselves that there is a greater purpose to all the suffering most every human has to endure in this life. I believe this is why people still choose to bring children into this world, and the Antinatalist part of me doesn't blame them completely for it because it's Brain vs Brain.

After being religious for a long period of my life and seeing the true unnecessarily unfair suffering on this earth, it's shown me there isn't really anything more to it expect than what we make of it, and the environment we are surrounded by. Having religious breakthroughs during full Bipolar psychosis sober, like breaking into people's homes and telling them I'm literally Jesus Christ, then being tackled to the ground by police to be taken back to the same hospital I've been at many times before is just another way I know it's mind over matter in this existence... Just unnecessary trauma and embarrassment that I will never forget. In my eyes at this current moment, there is no proof of any higher power or greater force other than the greedy, selfish, barbaric, and emotionally driven species that most of us are.

I was convinced that this could actually be like the Truman Show, where there might be another species currently viewing all of us in a sort of reality-tv dystopian 24/7 broadcast... but then I think about the politicians and rich elites currently in power making our lives terrible in the same ways all while laughing to the bank, and realize we are inherently living it already."

I believe happiness is subjective and heavily reliant on perspective, including the wants and needs someone desires in their own lives and how realistic they are for the conditions they are born into. I am still in search of this balance myself.

 

[Lo$t95]

I feel like being depressed is a perfectly natural reaction to the objectively repulsive state of the world we live in.

Sometimes people are just born to lose at life and never had an honest chance at happiness.

Anybody who ever told you life would be fair lied to you. It is what it is…

 

[GoSan1]

Please excuse any blunt honesty; this isn't the recovery section so assume more sharpness with my reply.

As someone who was religious most of my life and after being diagnosed with Bipolar some years ago I have since have shifted to atheism and agnosticism. I do ask myself a lot what exactly is making my heart continue to beat - but then I can think about my father who passed from heart failure in his 40's, and comprehend it's also the number one cause of death globally. We know electrolytes continue to make the heart beat properly, we can study how exactly they react directly with the heartbeat, etc. Why does a wolf tear open a baby bunny while it's still alive? Why does a child suffer their entire lives with painful cancer inside of a hospital without experiencing fun outdoors, friends, or just basic health while stuck inside that room attached to a beeping machine until they're dead? is it really because it was meant to be? "free-will", or a "lesson"? When these Gods claim they can split the sea or turn water into wine, they also should be able to stop a vehicle from running over and killing dozens of people.

This is more relevant with things that are happening in regards to religious extremism and terrorist attacks. There was a recent similar thread I made a reply to here:
"In my opinion; for most all people existence is only meaningful when they are fulfilling the societal expectations others can see, or comfort in religious beliefs of greater purpose and a better afterlife. Most people on here are different in that sense, that we've already broken through the faux veil that covers our eyes each day when we're told this is a gift and leaving it is selfish. Very rarely are people living in the present, grounded, and not stuck in wage-slave mode or trying to impress others. Though I believe this is only a result of our advanced emotional ape brains fighting against the animalistic instincts we have, to convince ourselves that there is a greater purpose to all the suffering most every human has to endure in this life. I believe this is why people still choose to bring children into this world, and the Antinatalist part of me doesn't blame them completely for it because it's Brain vs Brain.

After being religious for a long period of my life and seeing the true unnecessarily unfair suffering on this earth, it's shown me there isn't really anything more to it expect than what we make of it, and the environment we are surrounded by. Having religious breakthroughs during full Bipolar psychosis sober, like breaking into people's homes and telling them I'm literally Jesus Christ, then being tackled to the ground by police to be taken back to the same hospital I've been at many times before is just another way I know it's mind over matter in this existence... Just unnecessary trauma and embarrassment that I will never forget. In my eyes at this current moment, there is no proof of any higher power or greater force other than the greedy, selfish, barbaric, and emotionally driven species that most of us are.

I was convinced that this could actually be like the Truman Show, where there might be another species currently viewing all of us in a sort of reality-tv dystopian 24/7 broadcast... but then I think about the politicians and rich elites currently in power making our lives terrible in the same ways all while laughing to the bank, and realize we are inherently living it already."

I believe happiness is subjective and heavily reliant on perspective, including the wants and needs someone desires in their own lives and how realistic they are for the conditions they are born into. I am still in search of this balance myself.

Be as sharp as you want. The blade of truth is less painful than the sweet lies after all.

When these Gods claim they can split the sea or turn water into wine, they also should be able to stop a vehicle from running over and killing dozens of people.

I get that, why would God let people turn evil, to begin with? The biggest example I know of is myself. I am growing so toxic and full of hatred when I want to be the complete opposite! Is it our fault, if so how far can a test of this go? Free Will cannot be an excuse for everything to turn to chaos. But the main deal breaker is the explanation of the devil being in control of this world. But then I wouldn't understand why let that happen to begin with... Man, I hate hopelessness...

Overall, maybe I simply refuse to believe it is all just some Biological Mess that is happening on this ball...

I feel like being depressed is a perfectly natural reaction to the objectively repulsive state of the world we live in.

Sometimes people are just born to lose at life and never had an honest chance at happiness.

Anybody who ever told you life would be fair lied to you. It is what it is…

It is what is is, if that truly is all there is to it, then just shoot me in the head. I hate that mentality... (Nothing against you of course!)

 

[Lo$t95]

It is what is is, if that truly is all there is to it, then just shoot me in the head. I hate that mentality... (Nothing against you of course!)

Yeah I understand. Apathy isn't healthy but it's one of my coping mechanisms.

 

[GoSan1]

Yeah I understand. Apathy isn't healthy but it's one of my coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms are good to be able to survive, it's more of hating that the possibility of nothing might be all there is to it. :D

 

[Lo$t95]

Coping mechanisms are good to be able to survive, it's more of hating that the possibility of nothing might be all there is to it. :D

That's my conclusion tbh. You live and you die and everything in between is little more than noise.