Discussion Is there anything you think could make you no longer suicidal?

[charaunderground]

I deal with maladaptive daydreaming. AKA I am daydreaming almost constantly regardless of consequences, usually spacing or sometimes (in a minor way) acting out the daydreams. This is the one thing that keeps me from doing some really stupid and ineffective CTB method out of impulse, because even if real life sucks, I can always retreat inwards.

At one point I thought if my daydreams were real (or my daydream-self was real), I'd never be suicidal, but I've noticed that a good chunk of my daydreams anymore involve killing myself (and when not, it's usually there in a fastasy, immortal, not-really-dead-forever way), so...that's a bust I guess.

I also considered before if I won the lottery somehow I might be less suicidal, but it's been background noise in my brain for so long I'm not sure it's a thing that would ever just go away, no matter how "good" I had it.

 

[Adûnâi]

Is daydreaming related to meditation? Just today I've spent 35 min visualising going outside for the first time in years, and it felt great. But I came back depressed as usual, so it didn't work?

Of course, in my case, the reason for my future suicide is the lack of sex. Which would be easily fixed if I were non-European. But it's over for me in this nationality. Unless robowaifus come in the 2030s. But it's so far away...

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

To make me not suicidal? Not possible. Or maybe it just doesn't feel possible. But if I was loved by someone romantically who cared and let me care for them, I don't think I would be considering CTB so actively. It's not possible unfortunately. But I too daydream about it lol

 

[brickedup]

someone who would genuinely love me and have enough money to support both of us. money is literally everything in this world but i don't think i can live without love either

 

[VoidBlessed]

I'm not sure if such a thing is possible, but I would have to forget the worst thing I've ever known. When I learned it, I and my whole world shattered into millions of tiny pieces and I've been in tatters ever since. It's all I still think about. If it were gone, maybe I'd still have a chance.

 

[shrizoid]

If I had more friends and people around me yeah

 

[MrSuicide]

A different body, a different life, a different world, being normal, being confident, and being rich would probably do it.

I haven't been evaluated or anything, I'm not even sure if maladaptive daydreaming is being diagnosed yet, but I used to struggle with something similar. I would pace around and listen to the same portion of the same song over and over while daydreaming for hours. When I was younger they were very fantastical, me turning into a dragon and saving my school from enemies. As I grew older it was me, taller, stronger, basically a completely different person than what I looked like in reality, imagining a better life I couldn't have.

In recent years it's harder to distract myself from the reality. I can't do it as much anymore. It's a nice coping mechanism until you start wasting your days… pacing, spinning, and daydreaming. It can get really repetitive. Maybe that's just me.

 

[AnonymousTomato]

Well, I'm suicidal for two reasons: political climate, and mental disorder (MDD).

I think living in a country where I was safe and had a shot at a good life - where I wasn't hated, wasn't waking up every morning wondering if my rights were taken away overnight, that'd take care of the most serious reason. I think I could be alright then.

The MDD is almost easy to handle in comparison. There are days where it gets bad, days where it gets close. But the coping skills I've developed work most of the time. I don't know if my life could ever be what I want it to be, with MDD here, but I could make it good I think. If MDD were cured, but the political situation were the same, it wouldn't matter. I'd still be suicidal. But I think being safe and loved, even with MDD, that'd be a life that's livable.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Yes, if I get to live my dream and fulfil my destiny then I won't be actively suicidal anymore. Suicide will always be on my mind and who knows what might happen in the future. I think I probably will die that way eventually, I don't want to linger through a slow illness or horrible old age if I get that far. Hopefully I get to live my life before either of those occur, but if not I'm out. I'm not consenting to living in any other way.

 

[lnlybnny]

Yes, but it's a complete utopia

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

This is going to be a weird reason, but for me it would be if AI stopped existing. I was able to get through life until recently despite having no friends, future, and being stuck in a bad political climate because I could dream every day about writing my own stories, drawing my own art, and making a career out of it. No matter how bad the world got, I always thought that humans could tell each other stories that made each other laugh or cry and escape from reality. But with AI, those dreams are done for. In a capitalist world, who cares about what makes us human if you can make more money?

I can't really comment on the daydreaming, I haven't been able to lately. Every time I daydreamed, it was about something that I could write about, but now I can't bring myself to anymore.

 

[illvoid]

A cure for my schizophrenia (I would literally try shock therapy at this point if it worked), a house with no mold or bugs, the self-control required to take anxiety meds with abusing them, and one chance to fix my past mistakes. Would also be nice to be accepted by society but I don't like people much either way.

 

[outrider567]

With my longtime girlfriend still dead, there is nothing in this entire world that would make me less suicidal--Its been almost three years, I still miss her like crazy, just today I had a breakdown when I went into a store that we used to go to all the time, hadn't been in that store since she died

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yeah, a romantic relationship is literally the only reason I'm going to CTB. Too bad it's so unattainable for me that I'm probably more likely to win three lottery jackpots in a row than to even go on one single successful date.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think there is anything realistically now. I'm not even sure that the unrealistic things would help- like, be in love (mutually) or, win the lottery, or climb higher in my career. Each one, I can think of negatives for. I don't think they'd fundamentally change who I was or, how I felt. I could almost see myself yearning for this time where I could be miserable with impunity.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Nope, there's nothing that could make me think that a later death is better than an earlier death

 

[phantomime]

being 100% healed and normal, no mental illness, no disability, no chronic illness, because then i wouldn't look as bad as i do and i would function enough to work a job and then i could live a happy life, not being sick and having money to enjoy fun things is the only thing i want in the world. it's not even much to ask for, it's not that expensive to buy the toys and games i want, but i barely have money to have a place to live and food, and due to all my issues i can't get a job, not even a shit one, so much less a decent one to afford my dreams

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

The only thing that would bring me out of my rut is an impossibility unfortunately... no matter how much I wish things were different. It sucks being mentally ill.

 

[uselessflesh]

probably the stupidest thing ever but if my favorite character were real and with me i don't think i'd feel miserable ever again. i basically live within my maladaptive daydreaming reality for this reason. as for more tangible possibilities, i'd like for my avpd and ocd to go away because the symptoms i never asked for make my life nightmarish

 

[Noob]

Right now, money. It would help with most of my problems and i could be more carefree.

 

[ringo99]

About half a million dollars. I could retire with that amount in my country immediately. But it wouldn't stop my plan to ctb only postpone them to when I turned 50. My life is too messed up for money alone to fix. Living beyond 50 would be meaningless for me. It'd be filled with crippling loneliness and a host of health problems

 

[FuneralCry]

Never as all I see as desirable is non-existence, I'd always prefer to cease existing no matter what, the thought of suffering until old age is horrifying to me, personally I just want peace instead, I only wish to never exist again where I cannot suffer in any way, to me existence itself is a terrible mistake that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for. I've always and only ever wished for non-existence and I find it a burden to exist in general, it terrifies me how a human can exist for so long in this reality where there is no limit as to how much agony they can feel, all I wish for is to just die in peace and forget about it all, to be permanently unconscious with this existence no longer my problem is all I see as ideal, I've never had any interest in suffering in this existence and I'm not meant for it as well.

 

[Weird.loser]

I wouldnt be suicidal if i had the right people around me i also maladaptive daydream all the time lol

 

[mattoman]

Different people around me, different job, different financial situation, basicallt different life and no addictions.

 

[TheHolySword]

No. There's nothing in this world that can save me from this thought. I knew the perfect girl. She was one of the best things to ever happen to me. She was everything I ever wanted. And it still wasn't enough.

 

[sonzar]

I dunno before i felt actually suicidal, i was like "i wanna die" kinda vibe at that time if my partner would have talked to me and my parents didnt bother me much and be angry at me much then maybe i would have moved outa that stage but even tho now im talking to my partner i still feel like i wanna die because of the small things whcih bother me but those same things didnt bother me in my "i wanna die" pharse so i dont think theres anything that can make me or give me the will to live

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

Being able to have my own apartment with my cat and escape my abusers, Being able to have a stable job and a stable place to stay, being able to eat and shower everyday and having someone by my side who cares about me enough to accept me and stay with me, i wish money wasn't an issue for me, I wish I wasn't autistic and depressed, i wish i was a functional human being

 

[Tuonetar_]

If I were transported somewhere far away where no one knew my name or face, and I could live alone in a small house or apartment with no financial responsibilities or expectations to regularly socialize in-person with others, then that would delay me for a good chunk of time. But I want to die on my own terms no matter what.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

With a lifetime's worth of money I'd be fine. Spending my remaining years on bullshit just so I can keep eating while I age and decay sounds a lot worse than death.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

If I could undo the biggest mistake of my life.