Venting Is this really it?

[SomedayorNexttime]

Someone replied something under one of my posts.

"Im gonna be honest man, at the end of the day you only get one life and once you die its over."

This reply along with a couple other things have stuck with me as I question what life is.

I have held beliefs before that one day I'd have the things I wished for, and I thought I could have pride in myself, and I thought things would always work out. I've shared some spiritual curiosity in past posts. However, after a couple years, my belief in hope and better days dwindled and died. I've come to learn that there isn't any magic in the universe and things don't always get better, and I've come to accept that there may not be anything higher looking out for me, if there is anything higher at all.

Yet, all I can ask is, "Is this it?"
Is this shitty world and pathetic life I live all there is? There isn't any hope of a better life or some spiritual secret that can make things better? If so, that means that I, as an individual, am just the outcome of a long line of victimized and unwell people with nothing to be proud of who got lucky enough to live a bit further from hardship. And it's one of the worst feelings in the world, because you look around and see that this isn't the norm. How are there so many people who have truly full lives, good mental health, good backgrounds with families that they're close to, and countries that they can go back home to? And I have all the opposite, on top of being a waste of skin and bone? I was hoping at the very least that this could all be explained as "karmic debt" or "a curse", but that's apparently delusional and shoddy when I bring it up.

I've listened to people say online to create your own meaning in this terrible world, but I find that a bit insulting. I don't want to be the kind of person that has such a sad life that I have to practice finding meaning in only small things, like good food or flowers, all because I can't do better than that. It makes me sick that I have to practice loving small things in my life. To me, it means my life in its truth is not one that can make me authentically happy and I have to train myself to like it. That's a big deal, as life is not supposed to make you feel dread or shame every moment you wake up.

So I ask again, maybe just a final time, is this genuinely it? Am I objectively just on a planet overrun with chaos? Am I objectively just the outcome of a long lineage of suffering people, resulting in unchecked mental illness and no resources? An outcome who lived in delusions to feel better about being alive, and now is about to suffer in poverty as a result of the current economic situation and an incapacity to make it anywhere in life? Is that just my story, and when I CTB, that's it? Lights out, no coming back, no do-overs or next lives or heavens or hells or anything? I just live and die a failure and loser, and if I didn't do life right, I can't retry?

Tell me what you guys think. If you think this isn't all there is, then what is true? And if you think this is all there is, what am I supposed to do when I don't care about my life and what it'll turn into? Because I really don't think I want to stay here anymore, I have no future and this time, there may really be nothing I can do about it. :(

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I unfortunately too believe that this is it, there's no do-overs, heaven or hell etc. But at the same time there's just so many things we still don't understand that at the end of the day who knows. Also I feel like a nihilistic approach to life doesn't have to mean depression. It can be liberating as well.

One thing I wanted to add is that I kind of find myself repeating a lot on this forum but: most things in life is a very subjective experience. You write small things like good food or flowers. Now I completely understand why you wrote small things but those same things can be the biggest things for some people. So you can find something that others may find a small thing but for you it can be the most important part of your life and that is totally valid.

 

[avalokitesvara]

I haven't got any answers for you. I'm drawing the same conclusions. Disabusing myself of the same illusions and delusions. I feel I'm at the end of the line with no more hope, no more beliefs, no more strategies. No hope. No reprieve. Anywhere I go and anything I do, there will still be this piece of shit world and this pointless selfhood. At this point if it wasn't for the existence of my family and their feelings, I'd kill myself today.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really hope this is all there is. What if the afterlife is like this again or, something worse? Even if it's something better, can you imagine anything being good for eternity?

As for this life. It's tricky really. When I was younger, I suppose I went through a stage of hoping and looking for some great truth- in philosophy, religion or whatever else, that would make me more comfortable with life.

I suppose I've come to the conclusion that it's almost like a game. There are rules everywhere. The main one being that you need to earn money in order to live. My challenge was then to do that in the least painless way possible.

Are there any things you want to achieve in life? Any ambitions or things you want to be good at? I followed that path and, it helped me, really up until only a few years ago.

Of course, it is dependent on certain things. Whether you have enough health to pursue whatever it is. Whether you can receive financial backing, if you can't earn it.

I think life can be more than it is at the moment. But, it requires you to know what you want and to put in (likely lots) if effort to achieve it.

But yeah, being forced to appreciate the small stuff isn't all that helpful if we hate or resent life overall.

 

[UnusedGate]

The way I see it is this: Life is unfair. For there to be winners there have to be losers. For every rich and famous celebrity who's living (objectively) on of the best lives a person can, there's thousands of people like us suffering , and it was all up to chance (determinism). The same can be said for the average person who's happy in their lives.We could have been in their position and they could have been in ours, we just got really unlucky. I mean, look at just a normal bell curve, there's gonna be people at the bottom, and if you follow a deterministic view of life, we just got unlucky to be in the bottom.