Is unfulfilled love alone a plausible reason to end one’s life?

[invokat222]

For me personally, it is actually not. No human being can be worth me killing myself. I thought that for a long time.

One and a half year ago, I registered here already and didn't see a reason to live anymore what changed when I met the girl a have a crush on. After and after she gave me the feeling the life would make sense again. And that was a lie because now when I feel declined by her everything comes back again, that I am lonely, I have nobody, all the painful years I had to go trough. During the time I was good with her I only could ignore all my problems.

But still, I have to think and cry because of her the whole day even if she is not the reason for my suicidal thoughts. Or maybe she is, I don't understand it, honestly

 

[zentiiicharcoal]

I think it's a combination of things that led to why that person was so important to you. At least in my case. But with the added circumstance of truly needing them to get through something terrible sucks. My whole life has crashed and she cant even give me the slightest consideration or time of day.

 

[Oneiron]

I think its a very valid reason. Being in love is kind of the goal of every human as a species and the strongest desire one can have. The pain that results from it if unfulfilled can be unable to handle

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Love is a very powerful motivator, both good and bad, and it's part of how you make sense of this world. When someone shatters that sense and corrupts that motivation, it can really break you depending on who you are: your background, your sensitivity, your personality, your dreams. It's why it can be a potential source of immense emotional damage and when it accumulates only for negative traumatic experiences to repeat themselves in your life...well, yes, it becomes a reason to lose all hope and to feel such pain that you no longer want to get back up and keep fighting. And when you lose that will to live, because you're unfulfilled as a loving human being, life becomes just a chore you think it's plausible to end at any time.

 

[Reflection]

I used to think it was quite dumb and ridiculous for a person to end their life over someone, until I got a taste of what it feels like and it broke me. now I understand that people do it not because that person was worth killing themselves over , but to end the pain that may have been inflicted by them. Maybe if you wait it out enough the pain will go away, and you'll find someone else...but to me that wouldn't change anything, I hate how people are seen as mere options that can be replaced, to me love and relationships aren't just like jobs where you could just fulfill functions and get something in exchange.

 

[invokat222]

Love is a very powerful motivator, both good and bad, and it's part of how you make sense of this world. When someone shatters that sense and corrupts that motivation, it can really break you depending on who you are: your background, your sensitivity, your personality, your dreams. It's why it can be a potential source of immense emotional damage and when it accumulates only for negative traumatic experiences to repeat themselves in your life...well, yes, it becomes a reason to lose all hope and to feel such pain that you no longer want to get back up and keep fighting. And when you lose that will to live, because you're unfulfilled as a loving human being, life becomes just a chore you think it's plausible to end at any time.

Yes. The act of being declined by her was the bringing to awareness how solitary I actually am: There has never been love between us and it was only my fantasy to experience real sympathy and affection from her until now. Everything was a projection, and a lie, even our friendship. But she hates me although I gave my best. Even the reason to keep fighting and to try hard in life I had from the point I met her, was a tissue of lies.

Thank you very much for your explanation. It was quite helpful and made further self-reflections possible for me.

 

[Reflection]

I think it's a combination of things that led to why that person was so important to you. At least in my case. But with the added circumstance of truly needing them to get through something terrible sucks. My whole life has crashed and she cant even give me the slightest consideration or time of day.

Once they leave the best thing you can do is suffer alone, you can't even expect them to consider any of the good things in the past because they won't care at all, it's truly shitty but unfortunately that's how the world works. I hope things get better for you.

 

[invokat222]

I used to think it was quite dumb and ridiculous for a person to end their life over someone, until I got a taste of what it feels like and it broke me. now I understand that people do it not because that person was worth killing themselves over , but to end the pain that may have been inflicted by them. Maybe if you wait it out enough the pain will go away, and you'll find someone else...but to me that wouldn't change anything, I hate how people are seen as mere options that can be replaced, to me love and relationships aren't just like jobs where you could just fulfill functions and get something in exchange.

I see. Indeed, the more time you spend with the loved person and the more expectations you gain from it – the stronger gets the pain you experience at the end and I cannot even estimate how infinite the emotional damage can be when you reach a point you have been in a long-term relationship since I just have a crush and projected my needs and dreams on a person what, however, was enough to re-traumatize me.

 

[platypus77]

To me, based on my personal values.

If the sadness comes from the fear of being alone, it would not be a valid reason because I can find another.

In my life this kind of pain was healed by time or by replacing it, so it's a fixable issue (again, me).

On the flip side I believe love (not only the romantic kind) is the only thing that's worth more than life itself. As I would give my life to save one that I love.

 

[grapevoid]

This would be really situational but in my own opinion, for me, absolutely not. There is so much love in the world. If you're having an exceptionally hard time over an ended love it's probably a good sign to focus on your own self worth and self image. The ending of a relationship is usually painful, but other people will appreciate what someone else took for granted in you. And someone's inability to see what you bring to the table does not mean it doesn't exist.

Nonetheless, codependency is a real problem that many people face. The feelings are real and painful. Not to mention throwing in abandonment issues etc. it's all so complicated but I wish everyone the ability to one day be able to say - You not being able to see the worth in me is a YOU problem and I won't let you make it a ME problem.

 

[colour]

I think that it can be a contributing reason, but only in the sense that it makes other, latent, suicidal thoughts more immediate. The reason that doctors try not to prescribe antidepressants to teenagers is because the first couple of weeks will make you feel worse, and teenagers (being teenagers) can be overly impulsive and act on those short-term feelings. I see heartbreak in a similar way.

Unfulfilled love is something that everyone goes through, and is something that will heal over time. It's important to know that, one day, you'll realise that you've gone a while without thinking about them at all. Looking forward is difficult, given the site that we're talking on, but, in this specific instance, it does get better.

I will say, though, that if it was just a crush (i.e. not a relationship), then you need to put yourself out there in order to meet new people. There are eight billion of them; I'm sure you'll like more than one.

 

[twilightSparriw]

This would be really situational but in my own opinion, for me, absolutely not. There is so much love in the world. If you're having an exceptionally hard time over an ended love it's probably a good sign to focus on your own self worth and self image. The ending of a relationship is usually painful, but other people will appreciate what someone else took for granted in you. And someone's inability to see what you bring to the table does not mean it doesn't exist.

Nonetheless, codependency is a real problem that many people face. The feelings are real and painful. Not to mention throwing in abandonment issues etc. it's all so complicated but I wish everyone the ability to one day be able to say - You not being able to see the worth in me is a YOU problem and I won't let you make it a ME problem.

This overwhelmingly well written peace of whisdom i genuinely printed out and put on a piece of wall i pass daily…. Thank you

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I used to think it was quite dumb and ridiculous for a person to end their life over someone, until I got a taste of what it feels like and it broke me. now I understand that people do it not because that person was worth killing themselves over , but to end the pain that may have been inflicted by them. Maybe if you wait it out enough the pain will go away, and you'll find someone else...but to me that wouldn't change anything, I hate how people are seen as mere options that can be replaced, to me love and relationships aren't just like jobs where you could just fulfill functions and get something in exchange.

Beautifully put, I really resonated with you. It's so demoralizing seeing such reasonable and sensitive people carrying all the hurt when selfish and cruel people just get to be happy with the harm they've caused.

It's exactly the way you mention: nothing will change. And what really broke me was exactly that, being replaced as an option, discarded for other as a cigarette butt, and for the second time in my life.

I'm here if you ever wanna talk.

 

[David753]

Нет

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Maybe if you wait it out enough the pain will go away, and you'll find someone else...but to me that wouldn't change anything, I hate how people are seen as mere options that can be replaced, to me love and relationships aren't just like jobs where you could just fulfill functions and get something in exchange.

I also hate the mixed messaging we get about this. When you're trying to get over someone, it's "there was nothing special about that person or your connection with them, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you can find someone else." But when you're suicidal and affirm these claims about your own self, suddenly it's "nooooo you can't CTB, you're so special and irreplaceable!" They can't both be true, so which is it?

 

[Reflection]

I also hate the mixed messaging we get about this. When you're trying to get over someone, it's "there was nothing special about that person or your connection with them, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you can find someone else." But when you're suicidal and affirm these claims about your own self, suddenly it's "nooooo you can't CTB, you're so special and irreplaceable!" They can't both be true, so which is it?

People will say anything that matches the situation, not necessarily what's true. In the same way, if someone loses their significant other to death and keeps on loving them then they think it's bittersweet, but if it's due to breakup or divorce then that means they're "obsessed and lack self esteem".

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

People will say anything that matches the situation, not necessarily what's true. In the same way, if someone loses their significant other to death and keeps on loving them then they think it's bittersweet, but if it's due to breakup or divorce then that means they're "obsessed and lack self esteem".

It's part of the expansion of therapy culture, where every problem is suddenly rooted in your own inadequacy (and therefore subject to being "worked on"). It's not that you're just deeply in love with another human being -- you just haven't undergone enough "self-improvement."