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I think a lot of people wonder at some point what they would do with the last month/week/day of their life if they were about to die ... what people they would see, what activities, etc. ... but when you are depressed and going to commit suicide, this sort of thing isn't even appealing ... I have no checklist of enjoyable activities because there is no such list ... because if there was, then I wouldn't be committing suicide :(
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Robbyna, SomebodyBroken, coileanbeag and 16 others
I think a lot of people wonder at some point what they would do with the last month/week/day of their life if they were about to die ... what people they would see, what activities, etc. ... but when you are depressed and going to commit suicide, this sort of thing isn't even appealing ... I have no checklist of enjoyable activities because there is no such list ... because if there was, then I wouldn't be committing suicide :(
I think a lot of people wonder at some point what they would do with the last month/week/day of their life if they were about to die ... what people they would see, what activities, etc. ... but when you are depressed and going to commit suicide, this sort of thing isn't even appealing ... I have no checklist of enjoyable activities because there is no such list ... because if there was, then I wouldn't be committing suicide :(
I feel this way too. I'm too tired to have any sort of bucket list. I don't have any energy and nothing appeals to me anymore. The only thing I want to do is kick the bucket.
I only need to "clean up" a few things in my room. Basically making sure I don't leave any unwanted "stuff" before I leave the house and ctb somewhere faraway. Nothing excites me anymore. The only "bucket list" left is making sure my heart will be 100% ready and willing to face death with dignity.
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SomebodyBroken, throwaway777, dolphin and 1 other person
I think a lot of people wonder at some point what they would do with the last month/week/day of their life if they were about to die ... what people they would see, what activities, etc. ... but when you are depressed and going to commit suicide, this sort of thing isn't even appealing ... I have no checklist of enjoyable activities because there is no such list ... because if there was, then I wouldn't be committing suicide :(
I feel this way too. I'm too tired to have any sort of bucket list. I don't have any energy and nothing appeals to me anymore. The only thing I want to do is kick the bucket.
Yeah it's sad because on one hand you feel like "I can do anything!! I could go anywhere!!" .. total freedom ... but ... there's just no point once you are in this mental state
Yeah it's sad because on one hand you feel like "I can do anything!! I could go anywhere!!" .. total freedom ... but ... there's just no point once you are in this mental state
It sucks, because I would like to do things. I'm always bored, but I just can't be bothered anymore. Meanwhile, there are people who choose to do nothing and are content with it.
I think a lot of people wonder at some point what they would do with the last month/week/day of their life if they were about to die ... what people they would see, what activities, etc. ... but when you are depressed and going to commit suicide, this sort of thing isn't even appealing ... I have no checklist of enjoyable activities because there is no such list ... because if there was, then I wouldn't be committing suicide :(
Same I thought I am going to do something but everything is boring and I dont feel like giving an effort into anything. Everything is dull. Even if you give me millions of dollars right now I still wont feel a thing. It will still be extremely dull and I will still choose death.
Sometimes it is though. I get mad at people who are deliberately choosing to stay unhappy or depressed or whatever.
But people saying "you have nothing to be depressed about" can go to hell. I hate the fucking world, that shit doesn't change, that is something to be depressed about.
Sometimes it is though. I get mad at people who are deliberately choosing to stay unhappy or depressed or whatever.
But people saying "you have nothing to be depressed about" can go to hell. I hate the fucking world, that shit doesn't change, that is something to be depressed about.
If someone was making that choice, I don't see how they could be truly unhappy.
I think true unhappiness can't possibly be a conscious decision.
Even people with general depression who may not have a specific reason, certainly don't seem to have control over being unhappy.
How would you know it was a deliberate choice? Do they tell you so?
If they're saying that, then that's a different story.
But otherwise, I don't think anyone can say they know one way or another besides the person themselves.
Edit:
Do you discern a vital difference between telling someone they are choosing to be unhappy and telling them they don't have a good enough reason to be?
That would be key to me understanding what you mean.
For me I see them as basically the same unless I was straight up told by the person that they were choosing to be unhappy.
This is why I always say. I'd rather have situational depression then just plain old depression. If it's situational, you have a reason to keep fighting. General depression is a cunt of the highest degree. I'll be happy one moment and then all of a sudden it's just this wave of nothing. Every time I smile my mind screams at me that I'm not allowed to feel that way. It's crushing. To make it clear, I do have a direct reason to commit suicide but it cannot be fixed. It's apart of who I am. I am not speaking about issues like that or physical pain, I'm talking about things like GENUINE temporary issues
This is why I always say. I'd rather have situational depression then just plain old depression. If it's situational, you have a reason to keep fighting. General depression is a cunt of the highest degree. I'll be happy one moment and then all of a sudden it's just this wave of nothing. Every time I smile my mind screams at me that I'm not allowed to feel that way. It's crushing. To make it clear, I do have a direct reason to commit suicide but it cannot be fixed. It's apart of who I am. I am not speaking about issues like that or physical pain, I'm talking about things like GENUINE temporary issues
Yea if my issues weren't permanent, or there was a way to resolve them that didn't cost exuberant amounts of money, time, and high risk of making things worse, etc etc etc. Then that would be another thing entirely.
I'm not sure most people with situational depression would necessarily know it was temporary though. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes they don't. I guess one has to have a real grasp on how grim the future could be vs the likelihood of problems being solved.
You also aren't going to be getting out unscathed either way. Even if my hell was obliterated tomorrow, I would still never experience anything the same ever again. Major PTSD basically.
Although I do get spots of depression that is not for a reason, it is never alone and always coexists with the much bigger fish (for me) of situational depression. Unfortunately my situation is not temporary, and if it ever was, it is no longer. I'm between a rock and a hard place. Cornered. Trapped.
You said you have plain old depression and also a reason that is now a part of you, I'm curious if you "feel" them coexist? As two separate entities?
For me, the permanent situational one feels like it has a giant root that I can't dig up or burn out of the ground.. and the one without reason feels like a poisonous fog.
Yea if my issues weren't permanent, or there was a way to resolve them that didn't cost exuberant amounts of money, time, and high risk of making things worse, etc etc etc. Then that would be another thing entirely.
I'm not sure most people with situational depression would necessarily know it was temporary though. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes they don't. I guess one has to have a real grasp on how grim the future could be vs the likelihood of problems being solved.
You also aren't going to be getting out unscathed either way. Even if my hell was obliterated tomorrow, I would still never experience anything the same ever again. Major PTSD basically.
Although I do get spots of depression that is not for a reason, it is never alone and always coexists with the much bigger fish (for me) of situational depression. Unfortunately my situation is not temporary, and if it ever was, it is no longer. I'm between a rock and a hard place. Cornered. Trapped.
You said you have plain old depression and also a reason that is now a part of you, I'm curious if you "feel" them coexist? As two separate entities?
For me, the permanent situational one feels like it has a giant root that I can't dig up or burn out of the ground.. and the one without reason feels like a poisonous fog.
My reasoning for committing suicide comes from the core of who I am as a human being. It's a.... (personality)????? Trait that I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try. My being (self diagnosed) autistic as well doesn't help at all. I hurt everybodys feelings and I get complained about a lot because of it. I guess to answer your question, no, I don't view them as two different entities although I sure af wish I did. It might be easier to get rid of one of them lol.
I used to really enjoy books, movies, music, etc but lately the urgency to end my life has increased. I don't want to 'waste my time' right now on entertainment when this summer might be the best chance I get to successfully ctb. So I'm researching ctb methods like a maniac, reading up on as much as I possibly can.
I used to really enjoy books, movies, music, etc but lately the urgency to end my life has increased. I don't want to 'waste my time' right now on entertainment when this summer might be the best chance I get to successfully ctb. So I'm researching ctb methods like a maniac, reading up on as much as I possibly can.
Same. I am doing 2 things right now 1) preparing death and 2) being mindful that these are the last few months of my life so trying to do things like spend time with friends and family. You'd think that more time would be spent on the latter but really there is so much work involved in the former ... I have so many files, photos, journals etc. to clean up and I can't even take a break to do the "important" things in #2. This feels like a massive project lol.
I used to really enjoy books, movies, music, etc but lately the urgency to end my life has increased. I don't want to 'waste my time' right now on entertainment when this summer might be the best chance I get to successfully ctb. So I'm researching ctb methods like a maniac, reading up on as much as I possibly can.
These are the only things that keep me occupied. I wish I could do something different like travel or go to an amusement park, but my social anxiety makes it impossible to leave the house and I wouldn't have a good time anyways.
I feel this way too. I'm too tired to have any sort of bucket list. I don't have any energy and nothing appeals to me anymore. The only thing I want to do is kick the bucket.
I'm fortunate to be living through my (modest, really, but what I want to experience) bucket list right now. It's been brilliant so far, and 3 months to go.
I'm fortunate to be living through my (modest, really, but what I want to experience) bucket list right now. It's been brilliant so far, and 3 months to go.
I'm fortunate to be living through my (modest, really, but what I want to experience) bucket list right now. It's been brilliant so far, and 3 months to go.
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