Story It got the better of me today

[CozyTime]

The thoughts and memories got the better of me today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time but its due as its that time of the year.

I remember her excitement at the end of the summer because she loved autumn, the colors, the weather, to never feel too cold or too warm, having a good excuse to watch her favorite movies.
She always said she wanted to pass on a rainy day in september and she did, she lied to me but I never felt betrayed by her. The trauma she lived through was something I could never understand.

I also remember how I couldn't look in her mothers eyes during the funeral, I felt so ashamed at not having been able to stop her from taking her life. Her mother just hugged me and let me cry into her arms on her own daughters funeral.

Her mother passed a bit over a year ago, close to the date her daughter did. I took a loan to put the gravestone next to hers, it removed my savings but atleast they rest together.

Now I'm stuck with a mix of the most wonderful and the worst memories of my life every september. We were just children when it all occured now I'm 25 and scared the wonderful will eventually fade from my memory.

How grateful I am to have been accepted, appreciated and loved by two amazing people. How awful I feel knowing the only other person who knew her is also dead. No one else remembers her like me so I hope you don't mind my sharing here.

I hope this september day finds you better, recovery takes time but I hold unyielding faith in all of you.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Hi CozyTime, I hope you are well, so sorry for the pain that you suffer, I lost my ex-girlfriend last friday 6th, broke my heart, still breaking my heart, she was still my friend, and we still lived together, we're both disabled, she was even more physically disabled than me, my mental health was worse than hers, a bit of a strange one, we both looking after each other, life is so painful. She was only 48. Far too young to die.

My September will always be painful from now on.

 

[Adûnâi]

I also remember how I couldn't look in her mothers eyes during the funeral, I felt so ashamed at not having been able to stop her from taking her life. Her mother just hugged me and let me cry into her arms on her own daughters funeral.

At least it was real, IRL.

We were just children when it all occured now I'm 25 and scared the wonderful will eventually fade from my memory.

I can sympathise very well, it's my fear as well. And kind of a tiny reason for suicide in its own right. Forgetting. I hate the passage of time, it's death in its own right. And remembering is resurrection? For a brief moment.

I haven't felt this bad in a long time but its due as its that time of the year.

But at least it brings up the memories sharper than usual?

I love the autumn, too. And my recent story is somewhat very vaguely similar, but I only talked to her for 2 months, and never even saw her face, so it's more like a faint, fake imitation (of the cool stories real cool kids have). But isn't it all in our heads anyway? Stories.

 

[etoilecupid]

The thoughts and memories got the better of me today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time but its due as its that time of the year.

I remember her excitement at the end of the summer because she loved autumn, the colors, the weather, to never feel too cold or too warm, having a good excuse to watch her favorite movies.
She always said she wanted to pass on a rainy day in september and she did, she lied to me but I never felt betrayed by her. The trauma she lived through was something I could never understand.

I also remember how I couldn't look in her mothers eyes during the funeral, I felt so ashamed at not having been able to stop her from taking her life. Her mother just hugged me and let me cry into her arms on her own daughters funeral.

Her mother passed a bit over a year ago, close to the date her daughter did. I took a loan to put the gravestone next to hers, it removed my savings but atleast they rest together.

Now I'm stuck with a mix of the most wonderful and the worst memories of my life every september. We were just children when it all occured now I'm 25 and scared the wonderful will eventually fade from my memory.

How grateful I am to have been accepted, appreciated and loved by two amazing people. How awful I feel knowing the only other person who knew her is also dead. No one else remembers her like me so I hope you don't mind my sharing here.

I hope this september day finds you better, recovery takes time but I hold unyielding faith in all of you.

gosh, this brought tears to my eyes

 

[CozyTime]

Hi CozyTime, I hope you are well, so sorry for the pain that you suffer, I lost my ex-girlfriend last friday 6th, broke my heart, still breaking my heart, she was still my friend, and we still lived together, we're both disabled, she was even more physically disabled than me, my mental health was worse than hers, a bit of a strange one, we both looking after each other, life is so painful. She was only 48. Far too young to die.

My September will always be painful from now on.

Thank you my friend, I hope you are well too.

I understand the pain you are going through and will hold you in my thoughts, I'm sorry that you're going through it as well. If you wish to speak to me about it you are welcome to write to me.

TON is a great band and what a fitting song.

At least it was real, IRL.


I can sympathise very well, it's my fear as well. And kind of a tiny reason for suicide in its own right. Forgetting. I hate the passage of time, it's death in its own right. And remembering is resurrection? For a brief moment.


But at least it brings up the memories sharper than usual?

I love the autumn, too. And my recent story is somewhat very vaguely similar, but I only talked to her for 2 months, and never even saw her face, so it's more like a faint, fake imitation (of the cool stories real cool kids have). But isn't it all in our heads anyway? Stories.

You are right the passing of time can be a form of death in itself, it is certainly an interesting concept to think about.

For most things in life time is necessary but there never passes a day where I don't wish I could pause it even if just to experience the same joy for a fleeting moment.

gosh, this brought tears to my eyes

I am sorry for bringing them to you but I also deeply appreciate that you read it.

It is oddly comforting knowing I wasn't alone in crying even if it wasn't at the sametime, does that make sense?

Hope you are well.