Help It's hard being weird and when people say mean things...

[LittleJem]

Hi everyone

I don't know where to go with this. It's not a big story, it's just that I have so often been the weird one, the odd one out in my life. I am beginning to wonder if I have some female autism that makes others find me weird, or did it come from my upbringing where I wasn't socialised and I was scared all the time - that also makes it hard to connect with people. As ever, I am struggling with my mental health and to get through the day at work. Most days, I have to get stoned, then I can just about function. I'm kind of just doing what I need to do to survive, and scratch the surface and am falling apart.

Where I am staying, there was a pianist playing on a boat - it was a kind of socially distanced concert. Afterwards, this girl I barely know comes up to me when I was with my boyfriend and tells me how she feels sorry for the boats I walk past because I'm always talking so loudly on the phone. She said she could do my job for me because she hears all my conversations. I hardly know her and it was the first thing she said to me - no how are you, no questions, just this in my face feedback when I'm just trying to hold myself together all the time. She said, she felt sorry for one particular boat because they have a little one. and it's often early when I'm on the phone. This is definitely a lie because all my work meetings are at 10 am or 11 am, and most little 4-year-olds are awake much earlier than that. I have some hearing issues, so I can be a bit loud, but it's not some kind of deliberate thing. I go outside on my phone because my boyfriend likes to stay up all night and sleep during the day.

Now I'm really upset. I have spent so much of my life feeling like the odd one out, and it's so hard to handle my every-day crumbling mental health, without more on top of it.
I didn't have any wit to defend myself yesterday or to point out that the conversations were at 10 or 11 am.

I know it's childish, but a lot of me just wants to find out where she lives, and always have my conversations outside her boat and do it earlier in the morning. I also would just really like to push her in the river. She gets to be one of the 'happy' 'normal' people and some arbiter of behaviour - and she gets to be so direct and unpleasant to my face, and I don't know what to do with it.

I know she won't' think any more about what she has said - but it has ruined my weekend. I have lost my marriage, friends, work, months of my life thanks to mental illness and my mind is fragile. She just said it with no kindness at all. My mum has never given me any parental guidance, and I just feel I am always coping with everything from a place of not knowing how to cope with it, and without much support.

Any thoughts appreciated
I just want to add, after this bitch said this stuff to me, she then skipped off happily and said she was off to watch a movie.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Gosh, it almost sound like a Twilight Zone episode. The older I've gotten, the more I appreciate my role of weirdo. Having said that, after a conversation from a girl basically baiting you and analyzing your behavior, I can see how much this would bother you. But you said something very wise in your story - the conversation and rudeness will be forgotten by her, but your brain will play the situation over and over in your head. So you need to find a way to blow her off, mentally right now since she's not in front of you. When you see her again, if you feel obligated to defend your actions, I'd let her know where you're coming from. Too many times we assume we know what's going on with a situation, and most of the time we are wrong. The other thing is to not give her the power to mess with your feelings. This is a tough one. You sound like you might be a pleaser (as am I). In your head, you know how to deal with this, but your emotional self is winning the battle. If you need to conduct meetings outside on your phone, then do it. If you can find a place where you won't be disturbed, even better. Biggest thing - try to embrace who you are. Your uniqueness is a wonderful trait to have.

 

[Disintegration]

Hi everyone

I don't know where to go with this. It's not a big story, it's just that I have so often been the weird one, the odd one out in my life. I am beginning to wonder if I have some female autism that makes others find me weird, or did it come from my upbringing where I wasn't socialised and I was scared all the time - that also makes it hard to connect with people. As ever, I am struggling with my mental health and to get through the day at work. Most days, I have to get stoned, then I can just about function. I'm kind of just doing what I need to do to survive, and scratch the surface and am falling apart.

Where I am staying, there was a pianist playing on a boat - it was a kind of socially distanced concert. Afterwards, this girl I barely know comes up to me when I was with my boyfriend and tells me how she feels sorry for the boats I walk past because I'm always talking so loudly on the phone. She said she could do my job for me because she hears all my conversations. I hardly know her and it was the first thing she said to me - no how are you, no questions, just this in my face feedback when I'm just trying to hold myself together all the time. She said, she felt sorry for one particular boat because they have a little one. and it's often early when I'm on the phone. This is definitely a lie because all my work meetings are at 10 am or 11 am, and most little 4-year-olds are awake much earlier than that. I have some hearing issues, so I can be a bit loud, but it's not some kind of deliberate thing. I go outside on my phone because my boyfriend likes to stay up all night and sleep during the day.

Now I'm really upset. I have spent so much of my life feeling like the odd one out, and it's so hard to handle my every-day crumbling mental health, without more on top of it.
I didn't have any wit to defend myself yesterday or to point out that the conversations were at 10 or 11 am.

I know it's childish, but a lot of me just wants to find out where she lives, and always have my conversations outside her boat and do it earlier in the morning. I also would just really like to push her in the river. She gets to be one of the 'happy' 'normal' people and some arbiter of behaviour - and she gets to be so direct and unpleasant to my face, and I don't know what to do with it.

I know she won't' think any more about what she has said - but it has ruined my weekend. I have lost my marriage, friends, work, months of my life thanks to mental illness and my mind is fragile. She just said it with no kindness at all. My mum has never given me any parental guidance, and I just feel I am always coping with everything from a place of not knowing how to cope with it, and without much support.

Any thoughts appreciated
I just want to add, after this bitch said this stuff to me, she then skipped off happily and said she was off to watch a movie.

Try to send the energy back to her.

If you're religious or spiritual call on supernatural beings to help you send her energy back. If you know her name say it, or if not, just focus on what she looked like, who she was, etc... say... I d like to send ( whoever) energy back to them, whatever is present that is not for my highest and best good... any shadow , residue, debris, tails, anything that is not for my highest and best good...I send her energy back to her, with light and love.. I'm a sovereign being and your energy has no place here with me... and forcefully tell it to leave and imagine it leaving your body and mind. It works... I do it all the time, you should feel lighter and it shouldn't bother you anymore. If it comes back.. do it again. It really helps to ask for help from spiritual realms. Maybe you think I'm nuts, give it try, what do you have to lose.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That girl:







Her potential future obituary:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/savage-obituary.40687/post-748073

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've always been seem as weird, spent my life trying to fit in and look where it got me. Here!
Now I'm proud of it. Anyone that doesn't like it can fuck off.
You don't sound weird to me, but hey, we all fit somewhere under the normal curve. The company is better up either end anyway.
As for that other girl, yeah, go and make a call outside her place, just as a special present for her.

 

[Quarky00]

I'm so sorry that you've lost so much , labeled weird , and harassed by that woman in such a nasty bitchy way . That said , being on the receiving end of people talking loudly and experiencing severe anxiety , I think that's a specific thing one should be considerate about .

Please don't go and talk loudly on her boat because that's what a neighbour did to me once . It gave me a full on panic attack , insomnia , and a trauma burnt in my brain forever . That woman isn't me , and my neighbour isn't you :) I asked people kindly explaining I have pain etc , did not make up stories or said "I can do your work" . So you are right she was nasty . But be aware this can be a problem for some . Alternatively you can ask the couple with the baby if it disturbs them , say you're sorry (even if you don't) , smile at them (even if it's hard) . I know you are not asking for a "solution" but shouting out your pain . But I'm just reminded that it's always better to build bridges (although harder) .

Also , people who smile and go see movies are not happy or normal . Many have serious troubles and issues . Appearance can be misleading ;)

I do understand your anger . Yep .

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words.

I ended up emailing her to say that I'd been seriously ill for a year, and hadn't meant to make the noise, but could she 'be kind' in future. She apologised, which was great.- so I don't currently have a vendetta with anyone near where I live. She has been friendly to me since.

I think it's because she isn't a mean person - she just didn't think. I know the situation would have been different if she was a mean person and did it deliberately.

As for being weird - I'm kind of better at doing it than I used to be. I do think the world is scary when you are weird, but perhaps it is scary for everyone, and normal people have to act normal, but maybe they are not that normal either.

Whenever my boyfriend says I am normal, he knows I think it is the best thing ever! ;)