Venting It's hard going outside

[trying ungracefully]

A big part of my recovery is needing to fight the anxiety of leaving the house, I barely went out for a couple years. Not leaving made me so depressed and suicidal because I saw no hope in getting better and it's not fun only living life in the house, car, and maybe going to the forest. Manic/psychosis episodes last year really turned things around for me and I've been trying so hard.

Today I went to a job interview and it went well but all I can think about is the fact that I need to go outside of my house, take a 40 minute bus ride, and work in a social setting and learn new skills if I get the job. Same with the other jobs I am applying to. I don't like being social too much, it drains me so much and I would have to put on a different face for customers too. It all seems overwhelming no matter how important I know it is for me to get a job.

I still don't really leave the house I don't think I went anywhere other than the car and two interviews for a while. I don't know if I will ever get over it and it scares me because I want to go places and have fun and not worry about how I am being perceived or if people are watching me.

I really wish I didn't think about going outside like most people and it was just a normal and regular thing. I cried yesterday because it sucks only going outside for about 1 hour by car. I'm not even the one driving. I am trying to gain independence and freedom so bad by leaving the house again, it is so hard.

 

[alwaysalone]

I'm so sorry. I can only tell you in my experience going out in small doses does help to reacquaint you with social situations. Go to the gas station buy a pack of gum. Or the grocery store and get a loaf if bread. That helped me a lot.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I hate going out too. I was actually perfectly fine with the covid lockdowns. Due to responsibilities and desperation for paying bills, I go to work and just try to not think about how uncomfortable I am. I have groceries, etc, delivered as much as possible and avoid meeting the delivery person. That's pretty impressive that you went out to a job interview.

 

[theboy]

I understand you perfectly

 

[SpinandPainr]

I'm so sorry. I can only tell you in my experience going out in small doses does help to reacquaint you with social situations. Go to the gas station buy a pack of gum. Or the grocery store and get a loaf if bread. That helped me a lot.

I just want to second this. I also practiced small talk whenever there weren't lines. so like at target complimenting eye makeup or something and having a bite sized convo

 

[Doll Steak]

Yeah I relate, for years it was just work and home, nothing more, only recently have I tried getting out more but it feels strange. I was planning to go out today, maybe just a walk in the park but I just ended up spending the entire day inside listening to music, I feel regret, but there's always tomorrow...

 

[trying ungracefully]

Yeah I relate, for years it was just work and home, nothing more, only recently have I tried getting out more but it feels strange. I was planning to go out today, maybe just a walk in the park but I just ended up spending the entire day inside listening to music, I feel regret, but there's always tomorrow...

Yeah there's always regret with not going out. I feel so lazy especially watching my younger brother get a job while I am still trying to apply for my first real job. I just have to take it one step at a time, even sitting in my yard can be a win. It's just sad to me that I have to put in this effort.

 

[kitkat9234]

I hate going outside as well. Mostly because I am so obese and disgusting and socially awkward. Luckily I can work from home part time but it's awful when I have to go into the office. I can't even look myself in the mirror I'm so grotesque let alone talk with people at my job. It's embarrassing how much I let myself go. I wish I could go back to when I was attractive. I fucking hate this and wish I could end it all. Ugh.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

Leaving the house is scary, and quite frankly, I've been struggling with this lately too. All my friends are busy and I know no one who lives in my town. I think that having a balcony helps me a tiny bit, but it'd certainly be easier to leave the house just for a bit if I didn't live in an apartment. I don't know why is it so awful to get outside but I hate it sm.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I hate going outside as well. Mostly because I am so obese and disgusting and socially awkward. Luckily I can work from home part time but it's awful when I have to go into the office. I can't even look myself in the mirror I'm so grotesque let alone talk with people at my job. It's embarrassing how much I let myself go. I wish I could go back to when I was attractive. I fucking hate this and wish I could end it all. Ugh.

I was just telling my therapist when I saw her last that part of what makes me so uncomfortable with going out is that I am overweight. I know people see me as fat and my own brother talks shit about fat people. It just makes me disgusted with myself and I hate that people see my body as disgusting and undesirable for the most part. I am going to actually see if I can get on a weight loss medication to help me, besides physical health I really need it for my mental health.

 

[kitkat9234]

I was just telling my therapist when I saw her last that part of what makes me so uncomfortable with going out is that I am overweight. I know people see me as fat and my own brother talks shit about fat people. It just makes me disgusted with myself and I hate that people see my body as disgusting and undesirable for the most part. I am going to actually see if I can get on a weight loss medication to help me, besides physical health I really need it for my mental health.

I tried looking up weight loss medications and they are so expensive. Plus would have to inject myself which I don't think I could do. I wish I could get off these psych medications they made me gain so much weight. I literally look pregnant with twins and nothing fits. I wish I was skinny. Ugh. Good luck to you.

 

[TBONTB]

I was just telling my therapist when I saw her last that part of what makes me so uncomfortable with going out is that I am overweight. I know people see me as fat and my own brother talks shit about fat people. It just makes me disgusted with myself and I hate that people see my body as disgusting and undesirable for the most part. I am going to actually see if I can get on a weight loss medication to help me, besides physical health I really need it for my mental health.

I hope you can feel less shame. I love, love, love my fat daughter and think she is very beautiful. I hate knowing she might feel this way. I hope you can pretend you are your own mother and give yourself love in your big body. Sending hugs

 

[getoutgirl]

I feel you so bad :(
I have a love/hate relationship with isolation and seclusion. In time it eats you up from the inside and makes you want to die daily, but it offers a warm sense of comfort against the anxiety and dread of the outside. And if you can't handle that one some days, well who can blame ya for relying on the other. Living out requires a lot of acting and enduring being socially perceived. Most of the attack happens inside your head but still, it is very real in that way.
I really wish you luck and all the best facing this, I'm sure in time and with practice and endurance it will get easier. I have no doubt in that.


A quick thing if anyone can relate tho. Does anyone else realize how TALL shit is after you've spent a lot of time without leaving the house??
Like whenever I've spent over a month inside, and suddenly come out. Everything is so. Tall. You forget how tall stuff is. Inside the house the ceiling is there, reliable, stare-able, a friend. But the sky and buildings feel like such a weird contrast. The first couple of minutes when I finally go outside I usually spend looking slightly upwards all the time like some rodent looking out for hawks or smth. Just mareveling at the property of tallness
k thats my weirdo rant of the day.
goodluck to all you house dwellers <3

 

[usernamesarehard]

I kind of feel this, but only for going to places I don't HAVE to. I have no problem going to work, the bank, the grocery store. But going to the park just to enjoy nature? The bar to socialize? To some event I signed up to get out of the house? Yeeeaaah, no. Not happening. Not unless I'm going to hang out with someone I know. Then I feel less anxious about going out.

Wishing you the best, I truly can't imagine being so anxious I couldn't go to work. I think I would ctb if I got to that point. I don't love work, but it gives me something to do and people to interact with, so that's something.

 

[enduringwinter]

Ew yeah thats normal, you dont hate going outside buddy you hate going to job interviews (and other fucked up unpleasant stuff). I've always believed it's health related, the exhaustion is not mental but physical, shit drains everybody but some of us are naturally weaker. Don't have any advice sorry, only thing that worked for me was living in a warmer place and having people cook and clean for me. Then suddenly I was always outside and doing stuff.

 

[bankai]

I was just telling my therapist when I saw her last that part of what makes me so uncomfortable with going out is that I am overweight. I know people see me as fat and my own brother talks shit about fat people. It just makes me disgusted with myself and I hate that people see my body as disgusting and undesirable for the most part. I am going to actually see if I can get on a weight loss medication to help me, besides physical health I really need it for my mental health.

I tried looking up weight loss medications and they are so expensive. Plus would have to inject myself which I don't think I could do. I wish I could get off these psych medications they made me gain so much weight. I literally look pregnant with twins and nothing fits. I wish I was skinny. Ugh. Good luck to you.

If you're talking about stuff like Ozempic, not only are they very expensive, but they also have pretty bad side effects.It works through hormonal control.I'm not sure how good it is for you long term. Also, you might gain back the weight once you go off it.

Nowadays I am trying OMAD,one meal a day. Maybe you can give that a shot. I have my meal in the middle of the day. A coffee for breakfast. That's it. It really helps with portion control since you're only having one meal. You have to keep your protein reasonably high though, otherwise you will end up losing quite a bit of muscle.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Ew yeah thats normal, you dont hate going outside buddy you hate going to job interviews (and other fucked up unpleasant stuff). I've always believed it's health related, the exhaustion is not mental but physical, shit drains everybody but some of us are naturally weaker. Don't have any advice sorry, only thing that worked for me was living in a warmer place and having people cook and clean for me. Then suddenly I was always outside and doing stuff.

Nah the fun stuff gets ruined too, it is the reason my boyfriend and I don't go on dates. I am just afraid of judgement and people looking at me and I imagine what they are thinking about me.