CouldaHvBeenARock
Farewell, My Concubine
- Nov 16, 2023
- 144
It has already been one year since my first attempt (partial hanging) and due to a faulty email I got "rescued". Left the apartment building I was in and had to move in with my parents who are trash. They then called the hospital for an involuntary stating I was violent to the doctor but I was able to turn in voluntary(I was in there for general admission for like the rest of the year) Then in January during a food poisoning episode my doctor abandoned me and my parents tied me up like a goat and took me to another hospital 3 hours away (my siblings were on my side at this point- we arent close either) was stuck there for like 3 weeks and then I was released.
Then I came back for a re-evaluation and had a huge fight with my mother who didn't even listen to me when I told her I wasn't feeling well to make the 3-hour trip. I was put back into the hospital and diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder because I don't get along with my parents(I do have Endometriosis, Persistent depressive disorder, and General anxiety disorder coming in 5 years now). I remember I stopped talking to the doctor and my lack of cooperation meant I extended my stay. At this point, my siblings turned on me too blaming me for the situation. And I think cause the money was getting tight I got released after 4 weeks. I remember my doc wanting to release me early but my parents would just say things like I am going to burn their house down or sth like that.
After getting released, that was the last straw for me and I stopped talking to my parents, I still don't talk to them, maybe text them once in a while for money. They have ensured that there is always someone around me which has foiled many of my planned attempts. Right now I am back in school living with my cousin and I just feel like a zombie. I am in a school I hate, doing a course I had initially dropped out of for like 6 years just watching time pass by. I don't have any friends in school they are younger than me and a bit antisocial and when I found schoolmates I could talk to I realized they were Trump supporters, so big difference in values there
I still wish I was dead though but my ideation has decreased or school is a good enough distraction. I am just waiting for an opportunity to leave. After I joined school my doctor went MIA on me, I don't know why, I am not particularly looking for another one, I personally hate doctors. Anyway that has been my year
Then I came back for a re-evaluation and had a huge fight with my mother who didn't even listen to me when I told her I wasn't feeling well to make the 3-hour trip. I was put back into the hospital and diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder because I don't get along with my parents(I do have Endometriosis, Persistent depressive disorder, and General anxiety disorder coming in 5 years now). I remember I stopped talking to the doctor and my lack of cooperation meant I extended my stay. At this point, my siblings turned on me too blaming me for the situation. And I think cause the money was getting tight I got released after 4 weeks. I remember my doc wanting to release me early but my parents would just say things like I am going to burn their house down or sth like that.
After getting released, that was the last straw for me and I stopped talking to my parents, I still don't talk to them, maybe text them once in a while for money. They have ensured that there is always someone around me which has foiled many of my planned attempts. Right now I am back in school living with my cousin and I just feel like a zombie. I am in a school I hate, doing a course I had initially dropped out of for like 6 years just watching time pass by. I don't have any friends in school they are younger than me and a bit antisocial and when I found schoolmates I could talk to I realized they were Trump supporters, so big difference in values there
I still wish I was dead though but my ideation has decreased or school is a good enough distraction. I am just waiting for an opportunity to leave. After I joined school my doctor went MIA on me, I don't know why, I am not particularly looking for another one, I personally hate doctors. Anyway that has been my year
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I just keep myself disgustingly busy. I sign up for lots of classes and volunteering and thing like that. Though this does allow for really low lows when I'm afforded a minute of silence. I've gotten pretty close just because I was bored hahah. I hope ur next year is better and that your here to see it!! If ure getting a little better there is still hope. Depression is a slow journey.
