Help its officially been 7 years since i first attempted and i still cant get rid of the physically feeling of rope around my neck

[Maormer]

7 years ago I tried to CTB, I wont go too much into detail but the method was hanging. Ever since then I've been plagued by a sort of tactile flashback (idk if that's even a thing). My neck throbs and aches at the points where the rope was the tightest and I start to feel like Im chocking, I start to feel panic rise inside of me but there doesn't seem to be a way to get rid of it once it starts. If i try to touch my neck to soothe the pain it just reignites the memories of my attempts and suddenly I'm 16 again. The feeling can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours and it doesn't always seem to have a clear trigger. Some of the triggers i can manage, I've learned not to wear certain clothes and to avoid rope. But others are things are as simple as touch. I remember one night I was cuddling with my ex and his hand got too close and I had a panic attack and had to hide in the bathroom. I hate it so much. I don't want to go back there, I dont want to remember those nights! Its been seven fucking years, why cant my body just forget?! I dont know what to do, I don't even know what I'm experiencing. Has anyone else dealt with something similar, how do you fix it, can it be fixed?

 

[squidsponge]

I'm really sorry. Ptsd is really really complex to fight and is an uphill battle. Sometimes it's best to just let the thoughts thaw even though it freezes you.
I have similar flashes from my partial attempt almost like they are urging me that place again.

 

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

It definitely sounds like PTSD. I'm not a doctor, but the criteria for PTSD doesn't specify that the trauma can't be self-inflicted, which I feel like can be a hang-up for those that have survived attempts to get past (the idea that because their trauma was self inflicted that it doesn't qualify as a PTSD diagnosis). I'd strongly recommend seeking help from a psychiatrist and a therapist to work through these memories and emotions that are associated with it.

PTSD can be helped, symptoms can possibly be alleviated with the right medication/treatment and I hope it works for you. Sometimes just talking about the traumatic experience can help (especially with a loved one like an SO or even a trusted friend), but I'd recommend against it until you get therapy because it can obviously be very triggering. Again, I'm not a doctor or a mental health professional, just a gal with PTSD too. I hope things get better and you find peace from your past.

 

[F@#$]

Cool picture