Maormer
Member
- May 21, 2024
- 21
7 years ago I tried to CTB, I wont go too much into detail but the method was hanging. Ever since then I've been plagued by a sort of tactile flashback (idk if that's even a thing). My neck throbs and aches at the points where the rope was the tightest and I start to feel like Im chocking, I start to feel panic rise inside of me but there doesn't seem to be a way to get rid of it once it starts. If i try to touch my neck to soothe the pain it just reignites the memories of my attempts and suddenly I'm 16 again. The feeling can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours and it doesn't always seem to have a clear trigger. Some of the triggers i can manage, I've learned not to wear certain clothes and to avoid rope. But others are things are as simple as touch. I remember one night I was cuddling with my ex and his hand got too close and I had a panic attack and had to hide in the bathroom. I hate it so much. I don't want to go back there, I dont want to remember those nights! Its been seven fucking years, why cant my body just forget?! I dont know what to do, I don't even know what I'm experiencing. Has anyone else dealt with something similar, how do you fix it, can it be fixed?
