It's ok....to do nothing

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I have been reaching out to some colleges recently. Texting here and there, and they have been very kind. I haven't hung out with anyone yet, as most are out of state atm. I've been looking at myself. Beating myself up for not doing...anything. Not working out, learning anew language like I wanted to, etc. I have been playing Pokemon for hours and....that's ok

I idon't have to do anything. I can relax and take it easy. Till school starts I have time to chill.Better spend it wisely lol

I have also managed to redirect my anger constructively. I was pretty angry my dad, who in many ways wasn't a good dad. But, he loves me. And so instead of lashing out I took it out in writing and talked to him instead. It felt better

I still think about CTB everyday, and trauma hits me all the time.

Oh well.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

It's good that some of them are there to help. Kindness can really make all the difference in this world after all. It's okay to just pause and try to find time for your thoughts, hear your inner dialogue and how your mind reacts to your surrounding. But I beat myself over how useless I feel at times, so perhaps I can relate to that. Speaking of working out, I did some training for a month and stopped. The emotional stuff is pushing me back at times, bad. Either way, nothing to worry about. It seems like your father is a good person, despite what he may have done at times. I feel towards mine in a similar manner, wish he did more at times, but then I realize how difficult being a dad could be. It's hard I guess. Sadly the CTB thoughts, it has been one thing I can never get rid of as well. Rather than that, happy to hear about some of those positive outcomes you mentioned. :)

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

It's good that some of them are there to help. Kindness can really make all the difference in this world after all. It's okay to just pause and try to find time for your thoughts, hear your inner dialogue and how your mind reacts to your surrounding. But I beat myself over how useless I feel at times, so perhaps I can relate to that. Speaking of working out, I did some training for a month and stopped. The emotional stuff is pushing me back at times, bad. Either way, nothing to worry about. It seems like your father is a good person, despite what he may have done at times. I feel towards mine in a similar manner, wish he did more at times, but then I realize how difficult being a dad could be. It's hard I guess. Sadly the CTB thoughts, it has been one thing I can never get rid of as well. Rather than that, happy to hear about some of those positive outcomes you mentioned. :)

Thank you :). Yeah my dad has had to be a single parent since our mom died of cancer. He's been so miserable even before she died. I always knew how she hurt me, but she used to abuse him as well before I was even born.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Thank you :). Yeah my dad has had to be a single parent since our mom died of cancer. He's been so miserable even before she died. I always knew how she hurt me, but she used to abuse him as well before I was even born.

No worries! Ah, I see. :) He seems like a honorable person, one who would sacrifice a lot to be there for his children. And hey, I am sorry that your mother did that before her passing. I do not wish something like cancer on anyone, but she still should not have abused him and you.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Oh yeah. She was a walking ball of anger.