Venting It’s only getting worse

[Itsme19]

I'm finally in my final year of uni after so many setbacks and I'm trying to be happy about it. Even showing up to most of my classes and I'm actually a little proud of myself. But tonight I went out to the bars with some friends and it was going well at first, then I just started to feel completely out of place, felt people hated me, felt humiliated bc a crush of mine wouldn't even acknowledge me, and relatively things aren't even that bad but I felt like absolute shit. Felt like my friends only bring me with them out of some unspoken obligation and they'd have way more fun if I was never there in the first place. Idk why it was too much for me this time, soon as I came home I just absolutely broke down, self harmed for the first time in my bathroom floor bawling my eyes out and it felt like close to nothing. Idk why things seem to get a bit better only to end up so much worse, I feel so weak and stupid and there's no one I can reach out to and tell and quite frankly I don't think I wanna tell anyone bc they'll probably brush me off anyway. I can't wait till I have what I need so I can ctb finally.

 

[bipolar22]

Sorry thats sounds like a bad night for you. It hurts when friends dont seem to appreciate you and youre crush not showing interest must be even more painful when youre friends are there to witness it aswell. Youre devastating feelings are valid. I dont knownyoure history and dont wanna imply anything but maybe its possible you were reading too much into little social cues. Especially when booze is in the mix things can seem more impactful than they might be. Referring to your friends not wanting you along that is. Have they stated something like that before? Or is it just a feeling? And about your crush ignoring you that's tough of course. It happens often but that doesnt make it less painful. Do you have maybe anything you like to do to take your mind off a bit? Like watching a TV show you like. Just a suggestion. If youre feeling too down and just wanna vent some more we are here for it aswell. Hope the bad feelings settle at least somewhat soon for you.