Venting It's taken me decades to accept that I was supposed to fail at life. My life was never meant to be good.

[ChildrensITV]

This isn't to say I have given up fully, but in the last few weeks, I haven't tried to eek out of life what I was never supposed to get. I volunteer cuz I can't get a job and need something on my CV. I was already late for "work", cuz I prefer to stay up late and keep making the same mistakes, apparently, cuz I'm probably missing a chromosome. So I was running late for "work", and saw my bus go past in front of me. It is not a frequent bus. I got frustrated for a second - "I'm gonna be EVEN LATER" - then thought: "Fuck it. Turn back home. Call work and say you're not coming in today". Why stress myself? Either they will be okay with it or they will fire me. It's not as if having them on my CV has helped me so far anyway. It's better to have them on my CV than not, but I'm fucked either way.

Whether I'm volunteering or not, I'm FUCKED.

I used to go to the gym. My life is awful. But when life gets really bad, I can't be bothered to go. Every Monday, I tell myself: "New week, time to get back into it". Then I fail to go. "Tuesday, it's not too late to start this week, although Tuesday is a busier day". Then I fail to go. By Wednesday, I'm like: "Maybe I might go or maybe I won't ...oh, it's getting late... I will try again next week". But I'm old, ugly and balding anyway, so there is no rush. It's not really going to improve much anyway.

Whether I go or not, I'm FUCKED.

I want to get my career back on track cuz I need to buy things. I apply for jobs, get rejected. Sometimes I will be like: "It's been 3 days since I last applied for a job, what the fuck am I doing". But then I remember: Even if I had a job, my life would still be shit. I'd just be able to buy a few more distractions. And I'll probably be slow and shit at the job anyway and lose it.

Whether I try or not, I'm FUCKED.

My life was meant to be fucked. I get a job, I lose a job. I get a gf, I lose a gf. I am passionate about something, but I suck at it. I want to improve something, but I can't have or keep it. I kept saying to myself: "I need to get a grip on life. It's getting late". But recently, it dawned on me that the reason why my life keeps failing, is cuz it was never meant to be good. I was never meant to enjoy it. It was meant to fail. Those glimmers of hope I had - they weren't meant to happen, or if they were, it was only so they could be taken away from me. I was given hope so that there was something to snatch away from me.

Sometimes, when a lot of things fail at once, I'll just give up and sit down on a chair and reason: "My purpose is just to sit down until I get cancer. Anything else achieved is a bonus. I was never meant to amount to shit. I am just here to suffer, be a mocked laughingstock, and hate my existence. Not everyone is here for a good purpose. Some people are born to be a brutal dictator and kill many. Some are born just to watch others live life, to eat food, shit, masturbate, be bald, be slow, be low-IQ, be mocked, browse Reddit and scroll X."

I was born to be a background character. An extra. I'm "lowIQ-ethnic-man #4" during Act 485, Scene 1001 of some other guy's life. Maybe I was meant to die in a car-crash at 10, but I didn't go out that day and so the rest of my script is blank. That's why I can't get anything written on it. That's just the way it goes.

The only "good" thing about being a man/male is that, when your life sucks, there is no knightess in shining armour to help and save you. Get FUCKED. So I won't be having children and passing my shitty life onto anyone else. So at least I am containing the problem. And really, most of my problem is my genes, so it's GOOD that I can't be stupid enough to do such a thing.

Wrong IQ, looks, race, family, sex, biology, era, maybe even planet. I should have been an amoeba in 500 BC.

There is a certain relief in knowing that I am listening to the Universe now, instead of fighting so hard against it. You can't beat it anyway. All you can do is fight it unhappily. I've never been good at anything. No talent. No looks. No backbone. Nothing. But that's okay cuz one day, I will be dead.

 

[attheend13]

This isn't to say I have given up fully, but in the last few weeks, I haven't tried to eek out of life what I was never supposed to get. I volunteer cuz I can't get a job and need something on my CV. I was already late for "work", cuz I prefer to stay up late and keep making the same mistakes, apparently, cuz I'm probably missing a chromosome. So I was running late for "work", and saw my bus go past in front of me. It is not a frequent bus. I got frustrated for a second - "I'm gonna be EVEN LATER" - then thought: "Fuck it. Turn back home. Call work and say you're not coming in today". Why stress myself? Either they will be okay with it or they will fire me. It's not as if having them on my CV has helped me so far anyway. It's better to have them on my CV than not, but I'm fucked either way.

Whether I'm volunteering or not, I'm FUCKED.

I used to go to the gym. My life is awful. But when life gets really bad, I can't be bothered to go. Every Monday, I tell myself: "New week, time to get back into it". Then I fail to go. "Tuesday, it's not too late to start this week, although Tuesday is a busier day". Then I fail to go. By Wednesday, I'm like: "Maybe I might go or maybe I won't ...oh, it's getting late... I will try again next week". But I'm old, ugly and balding anyway, so there is no rush. It's not really going to improve much anyway.

Whether I go or not, I'm FUCKED.

I want to get my career back on track cuz I need to buy things. I apply for jobs, get rejected. Sometimes I will be like: "It's been 3 days since I last applied for a job, what the fuck am I doing". But then I remember: Even if I had a job, my life would still be shit. I'd just be able to buy a few more distractions. And I'll probably be slow and shit at the job anyway and lose it.

Whether I try or not, I'm FUCKED.

My life was meant to be fucked. I get a job, I lose a job. I get a gf, I lose a gf. I am passionate about something, but I suck at it. I want to improve something, but I can't have or keep it. I kept saying to myself: "I need to get a grip on life. It's getting late". But recently, it dawned on me that the reason why my life keeps failing, is cuz it was never meant to be good. I was never meant to enjoy it. It was meant to fail. Those glimmers of hope I had - they weren't meant to happen, or if they were, it was only so they could be taken away from me. I was given hope so that there was something to snatch away from me.

Sometimes, when a lot of things fail at once, I'll just give up and sit down on a chair and reason: "My purpose is just to sit down until I get cancer. Anything else achieved is a bonus. I was never meant to amount to shit. I am just here to suffer, be a mocked laughingstock, and hate my existence. Not everyone is here for a good purpose. Some people are born to be a brutal dictator and kill many. Some are born just to watch others live life, to eat food, shit, masturbate, be bald, be slow, be low-IQ, be mocked, browse Reddit and scroll X."

I was born to be a background character. An extra. I'm "lowIQ-ethnic-man #4" during Act 485, Scene 1001 of some other guy's life. Maybe I was meant to die in a car-crash at 10, but I didn't go out that day and so the rest of my script is blank. That's why I can't get anything written on it. That's just the way it goes.

The only "good" thing about being a man/male is that, when your life sucks, there is no knightess in shining armour to help and save you. Get FUCKED. So I won't be having children and passing my shitty life onto anyone else. So at least I am containing the problem. And really, most of my problem is my genes, so it's GOOD that I can't be stupid enough to do such a thing.

Wrong IQ, looks, race, family, sex, biology, era, maybe even planet. I should have been an amoeba in 500 BC.

There is a certain relief in knowing that I am listening to the Universe now, instead of fighting so hard against it. You can't beat it anyway. All you can do is fight it unhappily. I've never been good at anything. No talent. No looks. No backbone. Nothing. But that's okay cuz one day, I will be dead.

There's no knight in shining armor for me either. Male or female black white or brown, life is shit. There's no rescue in life that's for certain. I left home at 14 I made my peace with the fact that not one soul on this planet cares if I live. It motivated me for years because I knew that no matter what nobody cares. Now line you I'm finally listening to the universe. No more running no more justification or long teary nights. No more hiding my feelings my body my thoughts. I finally accept it. I set my date this morning and it feels so good. I have a few months now to try to make as much money as I can to leave my girls. But I won't do another year here. I've known my whole life I'm worthless because every person I'm close to has said so. Except my babies my beautiful lovely funny girls. They will hate me by July 2nd. That's the only thing that still hurts me.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Sometimes, when a lot of things fail at once, I'll just give up and sit down on a chair and reason: "My purpose is just to sit down until I get cancer. Anything else achieved is a bonus. I was never meant to amount to shit. I am just here to suffer, be a mocked laughingstock, and hate my existence. Not everyone is here for a good purpose. Some people are born to be a brutal dictator and kill many. Some are born just to watch others live life, to eat food, shit, masturbate, be bald, be slow, be low-IQ, be mocked, browse Reddit and scroll X."

I was born to be a background character. An extra. I'm "lowIQ-ethnic-man #4" during Act 485, Scene 1001 of some other guy's life. Maybe I was meant to die in a car-crash at 10, but I didn't go out that day and so the rest of my script is blank. That's why I can't get anything written on it. That's just the way it goes.

I already know it's no consolation but you aren't alone. However, we are all still alone even though we are not unique. The fact that we are not unique is just one more little nitty gritty detail for nature to torture us with.

It's true. If nature made this realm heaven for some and hell for others, was there rhyme or reason?

To add insult to injury our genetics programs us to feel GUILTY for being born shit. To feel like we need to "DO MORE" and many hylics in this evil multi-dimensional role playing game are chanting over and over: "You get out what you put in!" "You need to find your passion, your purpose!" "There is free will and you CHOSE this" etc.

There is probably more DIRECT observational evidence for "loosh theory" than any other phenomenon. UNLESS you were selected for "heaven mode" in which you are inhabiting seemingly the same physical universe, but are governed by different criteria. Then you are the reaping the benefits of the loosh farm. Motivational poster slogans describe their reality. Are there any modifiable parameters to change which 'conscious observer' is dealt the hell or heaven? Just luck probably, as far as we know anyway, because we know that law of nature are outside our current power. This might not be true for the heaven-mode subjective experiencers, whose experience may be something like "The Secret" and all of the huge, huge, huge, huge leaps in logic every science article tries to make between "quantum physics" to "it means anything is possible if you just put your free will to it yayyyy."

But if you are the dog shit, maybe you are the dog shit created by the other superior conscious free will quantum gods or whatever. The "gift" of qualia is purely for the entertainment of the lords. Like we are the side characters in "It's a Good Life" from the Twilight Zone.