One more cigarette to calm my nerves, I wanna watch the rain fall
I'm so scared, this will be my last post unless I survive or I do not die fast enough. I'm sitting outside smoking my last cigarette listening to the rain. The love of my life was supposed to come see me in the morning, I don't want him to lose someone else but I can't go on. If I survive this I think I will crumble.
God let it be quick, let it be peaceful, please don't let me be alone, I'm praying in front of the sn ready to go. Mama forgive me, my sister, please be okay, forgive me and let me die peacefully. Don't let it be cold. I'm scared of the cold.
I drank it. Oh god I drank it. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths in and out. I'll drink the second glass to be safe. I haven't vomited. I'll wait the three minutes see if I feel anything.
It's 5:11 now and I don't feel anything, was it not pure enough??? Did I not drink enough??? Was i always doomed to fail??? Oh god what do I do?? I'm gunna drink the second glass
After I drink this I'm going to lay down and go to sleep. If I don't die then I'll commit myself when I wake. I should have known I would fail my own Ctb, I failed everything else in life.
It's 5:16, I drank some of the second cup and I'm beginning to feel a little dizzy. I need to finish it. I don't have the strength to keep typing I just need to finish and go to whatever waits for me, if it's hospitalization or death, though only one outcome sounds appealing