Venting It's tiring to keep finding new ways to cope with life.

[Namelesa]

For me if I find a new way to cope or make a life a little easier, it will become less effective over time until where it either feels like I am just bottling up my negative emotions for the time being and when I stop doing it I am just as upset as before or does literally nothing for me anymore.

I try to do meditation but it becomes less effective every time I do it even with different videos. I try to distract myself with game development but it is getting more and more difficult to work on it as I am just using the same techniques and skills over and over again. I try to play new games to excite myself but if I play them too much they will end quicker and I have to find another one that is different and innovative enough so I don't get bored. Cutting felt so good when I started doing it but it is giving me less and less relieve each time now so I am doing it less as I see less point in doing it. I am sick and tired of having to constantly search for ways to cope with this existence.

It feels like as I go through life and anything I do that is enjoyable gets more and more repetitive and exhausting. I also don't have much freedom with going outside cus of being trapped at home by parents so the only things I can access is stuff online, my computer or anything in the house. How the fluff do people get anywhere near to the age of 80 without wanting to die from boredom and doing repetitive tasks? This already makes me not want to live but add that with having to avoid triggers that could cause extreme mental pain on top of this makes life a hellish experience. It feels like the things that make life bad keep getting worse and the things making life good become less positive.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I understand how you feel when you say you've tried to find different ways to cope and it's not working. Life is a challenge and it seems we can't escape it. It's just an awful feeling to keep waking up with the same feelings we had the day before. The cycle continues. It seems there is no alternative but to only wish for death. You're not alone. Hopefully our buses will be coming soon. I hope your day gets a little better and you get a chance to smile.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also feel so tired of suffering in this existence, I find it terrifying how a human can suffer for so long, the thought of suffering for more decades is unbearable to me, I'll personally always find it a burden to exist, I understand feeling so tired of it all, to me existing is very undesirable. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Game developing huh? That sounds interesting, what kind of game are you working on? Are you currently a student or a developer? There are many types of games, but I think being able to create 3d models would be a great skill to have... Mostly cause you could design models for 3d printers.

 

[Namelesa]

Game developing huh? That sounds interesting, what kind of game are you working on? Are you currently a student or a developer? There are many types of games, but I think being able to create 3d models would be a great skill to have... Mostly cause you could design models for 3d printers.

I don't want to mention about more details of it here in public cus I don't want to connect this account with my developer identity as I will be hated and/or get cancelled for being pro-choice. I did do the course in college but didn't learn much from it as I already had prior experience in doing it myself as a hobby. I only went to college cus I of being obligated by law to stay in education until your 18 in my country.

I am trying to continue making a game which is more than half-way done at the moment but its getting more hard, boring and repetitive doing it. If I am getting bored at something like game development which requires a big variety of different creative skills to make visual, audio and interactive elements then what isn't going to bore me? It feels like anything I do to cope with life will eventually become non-exciting and pointless to do.

 

[escape_from_hell]

How the fluff do people get anywhere near to the age of 80 without wanting to die from boredom and doing repetitive tasks? This already makes me not want to live but add that with having to avoid triggers that could cause extreme mental pain on top of this makes life a hellish experience. It feels like the things that make life bad keep getting worse and the things making life good become less positive.

For a standard human every day is a new chapter, brimming with tons of excitement and promise. A day of work is a chance to socialize and spend time making the world a better place in a productive, awe-struck state of mind.
When most people hit 80 they aren't even 1/trillionth the way done with all the awesome stuff life has in store, each day having infinite potential.

I don't know what secret sauce is missing because we all have our own problems but for me a glaring issue is being unlovable, unwelcome, unwanted in every imaginable context which means no place or situation feels at ease or like home or filled with the loving essence of life as a human.

For your case, it sounds like maybe you are super intelligent and talented such that nothing has the strength to bind you to it for long as you figure it all out and are ready to move on quickly? Do you find challenges super engaging and interested? Maybe you've gotta go for an all-out life as a super-spy type of thing to keep it interesting.
Or maybe a simple RX to help you focus/engaged? Like ADHD meds my help or something (I'm not saying you have that and an impossibly high% of people claim to have ADHD now so I have no idea what it even means, but maybe stimulating meds help is what I'm saying).

 

[Namelesa]

For a standard human every day is a new chapter, brimming with tons of excitement and promise. A day of work is a chance to socialize and spend time making the world a better place in a productive, awe-struck state of mind.
When most people hit 80 they aren't even 1/trillionth the way done with all the awesome stuff life has in store, each day having infinite potential.

How the fluff do most people feel that way? They are literally doing some of the same tasks every day, how do they not get bored? I feel so broken compared to the average person. How has someone who is 80 think they haven't had enough with life I don't know but more power to them. I wish I could feel that way or be able to more easily kill myself but its hard for me to do either cus of being trapped home by parents.

I don't know what secret sauce is missing because we all have our own problems but for me a glaring issue is being unlovable, unwelcome, unwanted in every imaginable context which means no place or situation feels at ease or like home or filled with the loving essence of life as a human.

I mostly starting feeling this way since the break up of my first relationship as that made me feel such positive emotions that I now feel worse that I don't have that kind of thing anymore. I wish I stayed by myself as I felt like I was managing life at that point in my life quite fine as I escaped school and was able to focus of my game development but since that break up I haven't been the same. Before that relationship I thought interacting and having relationships with people was considered overrated and people were too obsessed about it b I would say I have gotten over that break up at this point, its just my desire to be close to someone has increased tenfold since that experience. I have tried to get into another relationship but that didn't work cus of me being too mentally ill which caused me to go through more suffering so I don't want to risk getting in another one as the same problems will probably happen again.

For your case, it sounds like maybe you are super intelligent and talented such that nothing has the strength to bind you to it for long as you figure it all out and are ready to move on quickly? Do you find challenges super engaging and interested? Maybe you've gotta go for an all-out life as a super-spy type of thing to keep it interesting.
Or maybe a simple RX to help you focus/engaged? Like ADHD meds my help or something (I'm not saying you have that and an impossibly high% of people claim to have ADHD now so I have no idea what it even means, but maybe stimulating meds help is what I'm saying).

I can find challenging things to engage me such as difficult video games but they also need to not be repetitive as well for me to get enjoyment out of it. I got bored of playing something like Dead Cells when I was trying to beat it on its hardest difficulty as I had to keep playing long strands of content I already did and I didn't think the rougue-like elements gave enough variation to it at that point. I got bored of Elden Ring cus I was fighting mostly the same enemies over and over again. I don't think I would want to do something so important as spy work as that probably has huge repercussions for failure which would make me feel anxious and pressured which would worsen how I feel. Also I definitely won't be able to get the qualifications for that as I can't handle much education or work environments.

I didn't really see myself has having ADHD as I have been able to focus on a particular task for long periods of time and often can stick to doing something without being distracted but the ability to be able to focus is getting more and more difficult as time goes by now. I thought that it was just depression making it worse and not a different undiagnosed disorder.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am trying to continue making a game which is more than half-way done at the moment but its getting more hard, boring and repetitive doing it. If I am getting bored at something like game development which requires a big variety of different creative skills to make visual, audio and interactive elements then what isn't going to bore me? It feels like anything I do to cope with life will eventually become non-exciting and pointless to do.

Okay, great. If you think wanna do something else also? Also, having a own house is a nessecity for an artist to becoming the most authentic and successful version of oneself- because you need the privileges to do (and live there) as you please. ;)

 

[Namelesa]

Okay, great. If you think wanna do something else also? Also, having a own house is a nessecity for an artist to becoming the most authentic and successful version of oneself- because you need the privileges to do (and live there) there as you please. ;)

I literally don't know what else I would want to do (well there's one thing but I don't think that it is appropriate to mention here) I can't get my own house or place to live cus I won't be able to handle any job or get enough money in any other way. My family literally traps me home cus so I can't go somewhere I can kill myself. I feel like I can't do much either with recovery or with ctb.

 

[divinemistress36]

Life is just chasing down dopamine highs its lame

 

[Mirrory Me]

I literally don't know what else I would want to do (well there's one thing but I don't think that it is appropriate to mention here) I can't get my own house or place to live cus I won't be able to handle any job or get enough money in any other way. My family literally traps me home cus so I can't go somewhere I can kill myself. I feel like I can't do much either with recovery or with ctb.

Well there could be a couple of ways to go about it:

1) Get funding trough social work or other.

Depends on where you live, you could manage to get by those (some contries have student loans and other options).

2) Savings and learning to save money.

If you start saving money, or making budget investments (DIY, diet, cheaper stuff at online, ect) it could make it easier for managing the living in the long run. In my experience, it's defenetly worth to start spliting the money in different gategories each time you get income.

3 Planing and starting your own bussiness.

Thinking there's lot's of opportunities to make your own business online (if you have something to sell)- some which basicly requires work, but could become a practical income if planned and managed well. There's lot's of guides online who give tips and information about it.

If you can work around these, then perhaps you find a way to make more stable approach to independent living.

 

[Namelesa]

Well there could be a couple of ways to go about it:

1) Get funding trough social work or other.

Depends on where you live, you could manage to get by those (some contries have student loans and other options).

2) Savings and learning to save money.

If you start saving money, or making budget investments (DIY, diet, cheaper stuff at online, ect) it could make it easier for managing the living in the long run. In my experience, it's defenetly worth to start spliting the money in different gategories each time you get income.

3 Planing and starting your own bussiness.

Thinking there's lot's of opportunities to make your own business online (if you have something to sell)- some which basicly requires work, but could become a practical income if planned and managed well. There's lot's of guides online who give tips and information about it.

If you can work around these, then perhaps you find a way to make more stable approach to independent living.

I am still limited in terms of work that requires me to go outside. I literally can't go outside on my own cus my parents don't want me to even have a chance at running away somewhere to kill myself. Even if I wasn't going to kill myself my parents would not trust me to go out on my own. I tried calling the police once about them trapping me but they allowed my parents to keep doing that as to "keep me safe."

I live with my parents and none of the money that is in my bank isn't used by them. I don't ask my parents to buy much for me throughout the year so they use their own money to buy the stuff I want so I am literally with saving 100% of the money I am getting. I can't access my money anyways as they don't give me access to my card or my bank details.

An online business is honestly my only option for getting money. I am most likely going to sell some of my plushies as honestly I have way too many of them and don't have much attachment to some of them, I will probably be keeping most of them still as they give me a lot of comfort and my room feel more comfy. I will obviously have the option to sell my game which I will mostly likely do when that is finished but the earliest that is going to be done is in 2027. I have also had ideas of doing (NSFW) online sex work but I would have a big problem with my family not be okay in allowing me to do that. Remember I don't even have access to my own bank money so I have to ask permission from them. I do think I could enjoy that type of work if I was able to do it tho.

I really don't think I am able to get my own place even if I had the money cus of my family literally trapping me. Honestly the money isn't the main problem here, its my parents restricting my freedom to go outside on my own and accessing my money. At the moment I just finding it hard to cope with living like this at the moment and I either need to find some long term way to cope with this, somehow escape my family or kill myself with the limited methods I can access.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am still limited in terms of work that requires me to go outside. I literally can't go outside on my own cus my parents don't want me to even have a chance at running away somewhere to kill myself. Even if I wasn't going to kill myself my parents would not trust me to go out on my own. I tried calling the police once about them trapping me but they allowed my parents to keep doing that as to "keep me safe."

I live with my parents and none of the money that is in my bank isn't used by them. I don't ask my parents to buy much for me throughout the year so they use their own money to buy the stuff I want so I am literally with saving 100% of the money I am getting. I can't access my money anyways as they don't give me access to my card or my bank details.

I see, hopefully you find a way to reason to them- I think you need more freedom as a growing adult, but hold on a sec...

An online business is honestly my only option for getting money. I am most likely going to sell some of my plushies as honestly I have way too many of them and don't have much attachment to some of them, I will probably be keeping most of them still as they give me a lot of comfort and my room feel more comfy. I will obviously have the option to sell my game which I will mostly likely do when that is finished but the earliest that is going to be done is in 2027. I have also had ideas of doing (NSFW) online sex work but I would have a big problem with my family not be okay in allowing me to do that. Remember I don't even have access to my own bank money so I have to ask permission from them. I do think I could enjoy that type of work if I was able to do it tho.

I really don't think I am able to get my own place even if I had the money cus of my family literally trapping me. Honestly the money isn't the main problem here, its my parents restricting my freedom to go outside on my own and accessing my money. At the moment I just finding it hard to cope with living like this at the moment and I either need to find some long term way to cope with this, somehow escape my family or kill myself with the limited methods I can access.

I get that, you could see that it as somewhat ideal or desirable but do you wanna do that for a living? What does it require you to do, or to make what? There could be lots of work or admirers- but you think they only look at you certain way, like the want ask something from you.

 

[Namelesa]

I see, hopefully you find a way to reason to them- I think you need more freedom as a growing adult, but hold on a sec...

I get that, you could see that it as somewhat ideal or desirable but do you wanna do that for a living? What does it require you to do, or to make what? There could be lots of work or admirers- but you think they only look at you certain way, like the want ask something from you.

Sadly I don't think they are going to give me that freedom anytime soon cus of suicidalness. I find it so hard to hide it cus of how emotional I am.

(NSFW) To be honest I would fine with doing this kind of work. I have made porn before and have talked and sexted in online sex chatrooms and loved the attention I was getting. I don't feel bad from being seen as a sex object but instead empowered as I feel like I am valuable in how people find me attractive and want to masturbate watching me. I like following whatever commands people giving me. The only thing that makes me anxious of continuing to do this is I don't want disappoint people and worry about getting into long term commitments with anyone or doing things I might not like (which is very few things to be fair) cus of how submissive I am. Sadly I don't think I could have the option of being able to make money with this sort of thing to begin with as with what i said before, I can't even ask my bank details would have to ask permission from my parents and I know they don't like the idea of me doing this as I said about doing this in the past. Also for some reason my mum thinks its illegal for me to get money off online sex work even tho it is obviously legal in our country as there is plenty of being doing this kind of work in the UK.