I’ve been thinking...

[Mia Wallace]

Does anyone here want to just give it one last go at life? I've sat here more suicidal than ever before and am thinking what do I have to lose at this point? Kinda like the quote "it's not until you lost everything that you are free to do anything" Maybe once I can get myself some proper sleep and get my anxiety under control which has led to a host of other problems...really give it my all at everything whole heartedly and change things around. Give myself proper nutrition, exercise, meditate and drink more water and steer clear of booze or anything unhealthy. Try to read self help books and get back into hobbies that used to make me me. Thanks for letting me rant. I just am so all over the place right now and I remember being truly happy before even through I don't remember the feeling...I know that I was. That's what gives me a glimmer of hope although it does bring me comfort to know if I can't get myself back I can resort to ending things but in that mindset I don't think I could ever fully recover. Thoughts?

 

[so tired or manic]

a day at a time. some of those days are very suicidal. it's about getting through those days and finding the silver linings that make it possible. I feel like one of these days I'll run out of silver linings and that's okay too. then I'll be ready.

 

[Mia Wallace]

a day at a time. some of those days are very suicidal. it's about getting through those days and finding the silver linings that make it possible. I feel like one of these days I'll run out of silver linings and that's okay too. then I'll be ready.

Hugs to you. I get it. So much.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I get it. I'm there now. Or, I could be if I let myself think like that again.

I have a second job interview tomorrow. I could get hopeful for the new job, keep looking for a therapist (two have backed out so far this month), put myself head-first into my trauma group, phone my social safety net and lean on them... and hope for another go at life. Again... but I'm afraid it would just be temporary again and the next fall would be even lower than this one. And, for this one, the stuff's in the mail...

Hope is a gamble

 

[timf]

Hope placed on a person, place, or thing may be more vulnerable to disappointment. Hope placed on the knowledge of what is possible can sustain one through transient lapses. Experiemntation is critical to discovering what works and what doesn't. Each "victory" becomes something to keep in the toolbox of life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Last year in September I was going to hang myself. I had a good rope and I'd selected the tree in the field behind my house.
I walked out there in the rain and when I got to the tree,I found someone had already tied a noose to the branch. I kid you not. I stood there in the rain and the cold and looked at the noose dangling there mocking me.
And I started laughing.
I stood in the rain and laughed my broken heart out.
Then I went back to my house and swept up the broken bits of my shit life as best I could and carried on.
No drama.
The tree and the noose are still there. I pass it every day and chuckle to myself. The universe is mocking.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I'm always trying to get better. Sometimes working on getting better just isn't possible. But for me, when I can get enough rest and quiet I start to stabilize and I start trying again. Cautiously. I'll keep on trying until I can't anymore. If I keep falling down I'll quit at some point. Everytime I crash ctb gets a little bit closer.

The concept of hope is meaningless to me. Just depends on your circumstances I guess. I just don't get it. Things will get better or they won't. Hoping won't change that. I just keep trying.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I do get feelings like this. For me the problem is that I can't seem to gather momentum; when I do make an achievement I still feel sad and don't feel motivated to try more. I think this could easily be depression or some shit so maybe it can be addressed with meds. I will see.