KillingPain267
Enlightened
- Apr 15, 2024
- 1,468
People don't listen to what I can offer in knowledge about science, philosophy or even just fun experiences but would rather hear themselves speak. So I've internalized it and don't contribute to conversations anymore. And then I'm blamed for being too quiet. That's why I developed social anxiety. Even my family (who I can at least still open up to) just fall asleep when I talk to them about things that interest me (science, philosophy, psychology etc.).
The love I had to offer to my spouse was not enough either, and got rejected after 8 years of marriage. So I sure as hell don't even want to try to offer my love to someone else. It's useless.
The work skills I offer, or potentially have, were also rejected by over 500 applications. So I've internalized it as a very low motivation. The first 100 applications, I was motivated to improve my presentation, but after 300 it became ludicrous and absurd so I just sent out mass produced standard applications to all jobs.
And I've noticed that when I offer help to someone as a kind every day gesture they look at me weird or rarely say thank you. So now I don't bother when someone looks like they are in need. I barely even feel empathy anymore. I've been trained to not bother.
So I am now officially done offering myself to the world. I now know 100% that I don't belong here. Don't even bother reading this, I have nothing to offer you.
The love I had to offer to my spouse was not enough either, and got rejected after 8 years of marriage. So I sure as hell don't even want to try to offer my love to someone else. It's useless.
The work skills I offer, or potentially have, were also rejected by over 500 applications. So I've internalized it as a very low motivation. The first 100 applications, I was motivated to improve my presentation, but after 300 it became ludicrous and absurd so I just sent out mass produced standard applications to all jobs.
And I've noticed that when I offer help to someone as a kind every day gesture they look at me weird or rarely say thank you. So now I don't bother when someone looks like they are in need. I barely even feel empathy anymore. I've been trained to not bother.
So I am now officially done offering myself to the world. I now know 100% that I don't belong here. Don't even bother reading this, I have nothing to offer you.