BlueButterfly111
Autistic and Heartbroken
- Dec 26, 2024
- 283
I'm so fucking scared. I was supposed to ctb last week, but then I found out that my friend, who is also a woman wanted to sleep with me, which gave me reason to live. I was supposed to do it on the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw my boyfriend before he passed.
But then bad things started happening, my pcos started acting up, which is a hormonal imbalance that will make my period last and stop for months. It also makes my emotions go all over the place. This happened a few days before I was supposed to hang out with my friend. We wouldn't be able to have fun because I'm on my period.
So then I had to call my insurance company because the birth control shot is the only thing that stops my period. Turns out my insurance was canceled, and I also owed money from a previous appointment which I was unaware of. Then I had to call multiple places just begging for a solution, and telling them that I would even pay money. I finally found a place that would give me the shot for $200.
I went and got the shot and the lady had to stick me to draw my blood multiple times in multiple different places. She was also digging the needle around in my skin, which so torturous. But I was at the very least relieved that I at least was able to get the shot.
But then a few days ago, I started having really bad head pain that won't go away. It hurts so bad that I think it could be a medical emergency. I asked my friends, who I live with, to take me to the emergency room, they wouldn't. Then I asked my mom to take me to the emergency room, but she also wouldn't. She just told me to get some migraine medicine over the counter that's supposed to be really strong. I took it earlier and it didn't help, I think it might be a medical emergency.
My head hurts so bad and now my neck and collar bone is starting to hurt, and I can't do anything, haven't showered. I'm just sitting here crying, I want to take my Sn so bad but I have been crying because of my pcos and telling my friends that I live with, that I want to die, also I will throw up. I want to go do it at the park tomorrow, but I'm afraid that I will easily get caught and saved. I had saved up money before last week to get a hotel room and Uber, but I stupidly spent it when I thought that I would stay alive to have that experience with my friend.
My head hurts so bad, I can't make it through another night like this, or even tonight. I want to go do it at the park tomorrow but I can't even go to the park because my friends are watching me like a hawk. I can try to do it when one of my friends leave but I don't think it will be enough time to die. Also, don't want them to have to find me but I'm desperate.
Just when I finally had some hope, there goes the issues again, I was stupid to think that things would change. I don't know if I'm gonna make it because I'm scared something will happen to me because of this chronic pain. I wanted to make a goodbye post before I ctb, but I don't know if that's even gonna be possible.
I also realized that I really am scared to die but I have no choice. I really wanted to live and have sex with my friend. I still talk to her every day, and she messages me every day, I really liked her. I can't stand this head and neck pain. I could barely even type this message out.
But then bad things started happening, my pcos started acting up, which is a hormonal imbalance that will make my period last and stop for months. It also makes my emotions go all over the place. This happened a few days before I was supposed to hang out with my friend. We wouldn't be able to have fun because I'm on my period.
So then I had to call my insurance company because the birth control shot is the only thing that stops my period. Turns out my insurance was canceled, and I also owed money from a previous appointment which I was unaware of. Then I had to call multiple places just begging for a solution, and telling them that I would even pay money. I finally found a place that would give me the shot for $200.
I went and got the shot and the lady had to stick me to draw my blood multiple times in multiple different places. She was also digging the needle around in my skin, which so torturous. But I was at the very least relieved that I at least was able to get the shot.
But then a few days ago, I started having really bad head pain that won't go away. It hurts so bad that I think it could be a medical emergency. I asked my friends, who I live with, to take me to the emergency room, they wouldn't. Then I asked my mom to take me to the emergency room, but she also wouldn't. She just told me to get some migraine medicine over the counter that's supposed to be really strong. I took it earlier and it didn't help, I think it might be a medical emergency.
My head hurts so bad and now my neck and collar bone is starting to hurt, and I can't do anything, haven't showered. I'm just sitting here crying, I want to take my Sn so bad but I have been crying because of my pcos and telling my friends that I live with, that I want to die, also I will throw up. I want to go do it at the park tomorrow, but I'm afraid that I will easily get caught and saved. I had saved up money before last week to get a hotel room and Uber, but I stupidly spent it when I thought that I would stay alive to have that experience with my friend.
My head hurts so bad, I can't make it through another night like this, or even tonight. I want to go do it at the park tomorrow but I can't even go to the park because my friends are watching me like a hawk. I can try to do it when one of my friends leave but I don't think it will be enough time to die. Also, don't want them to have to find me but I'm desperate.
Just when I finally had some hope, there goes the issues again, I was stupid to think that things would change. I don't know if I'm gonna make it because I'm scared something will happen to me because of this chronic pain. I wanted to make a goodbye post before I ctb, but I don't know if that's even gonna be possible.
I also realized that I really am scared to die but I have no choice. I really wanted to live and have sex with my friend. I still talk to her every day, and she messages me every day, I really liked her. I can't stand this head and neck pain. I could barely even type this message out.
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