Venting jealousy

[social amoeba]

i cant handle it. when i see people get what i want, or if i feel threatened by them, i just want them dead. i want them to suffer. i want to see them fail. and i know its horrible but i cant help it. it feels so unfair. its such a strong feeling that i dont know how to handle. im scared im a narc. any tips on how to ground myself or stop my brain from spiralling when this shit happens?

 

[logi3535]

unfortunately the best you can do i think is to try and distract yourself :( games, movies, friends, anything, i get really envious seeing other peoples success too, notably how some people can just stay happy doing what they want like a job or a hobby, but i can't stick with anything

 

[CTBsteve]

I relate with this a lot I get jealous over other people then I feel like shit for being jealous. I think it's a normal feeling idk I'm mentally ill though

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I guess think to the times you have suffered and you don't know why. It's pretty bad. You probably don't really want to wish that on people. Maybe wish them a lesser harm, like they lose their favorite pair of socks or something

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'm a hater supreme, and I don't feel guilty about it at all. I think jealousy and envy are perfectly natural human behaviors. That's why I would just simply rather be dead and not have to suffer through any unlikeable human behaviors at all.

 

[dumbnhappy]

I dont think a narc would feel bad, even a self aware one. I think when life is shit you naturally wish you were someone who had it easier

 

[social amoeba]

I'm a hater supreme, and I don't feel guilty about it at all. I think jealousy and envy are perfectly natural human behaviors. That's why I would just simply rather be dead and not have to suffer through any unlikeable human behaviors at all.

that last line hits home

 

[Surai]

I get jealuos of those born into a hand that treats them like royalty and ease. Where I see the peace is so easy for them to access because of all given to them or set as a podium built before they came into existence by their parents

 

[SilentSadness]

It is understandable to be jealous of others when you are in a terrible situation. Maybe it would help to remind yourself that pretty much everyone experiences intense suffering which could never be made up for by the things they have. As for narcissism, the best way to avoid that is to think about your actions which are narcissistic and stop doing them.

 

[me_when_:D]

I dealt with this kind of stuff (half-successfully).
I traded jealousy for self-hatred.
Any time I saw people having things I don't, I was blaming myself for not having that.
In case I couldn't convince myself of my fault, I would try to think I am entitled to nothing,
and remind myself of orphans and the homeless.

It did motivate me to improve in some ways.
But I still ended up here

 

[l1felover]

I dealt with this kind of stuff (half-successfully).
I traded jealousy for self-hatred.
Any time I saw people having things I don't, I was blaming myself for not having that.
In case I couldn't convince myself of my fault, I would try to think I am entitled to nothing,
and remind myself of orphans and the homeless.

It did motivate me to improve in some ways.
But I still ended up here

its kinda scary that this is exactly what i did (and still doing). word for word. makes you wonder how common a coping mechanism it is.

 

[me_when_:D]

its kinda scary that this is exactly what i did (and still doing). word for word. makes you wonder how common a coping mechanism it is.

What were the trade-offs/side effects for you?
Did you regret doing it?

 

[l1felover]

What were the trade-offs/side effects for you?
Did you regret doing it?

The side effects are I hate myself and compare myself to everyone who has better circumstances than me, and then feel guilty and call myself a pussy because there are people who have it way worse than me. In some ways, it makes me feel better knowing that I was born with relatively good circumstances. But it doesn't make me feel good enough at all. I'm also ridden with guilt, and self-hatred with guilt makes me want to punish myself in obscure ways. I don't sh very often, but I do self sabotage a lot. Or at least I think I do. I don't even feel like what I go through is valid at all.
A big thing is I hear other people talk about what they go through and I feel like what I go through is so insignificant, and in order to make myself feel better and feel validated, I need to struggle too. It was so weird and foreign hearing people around me be so concerned about my actions and my struggles, because I had eroded myself down to the point where my struggles didn't matter, so when people at the hospital or at therapy would hear my thoughts and how I felt about myself, they sympathized with me. And even then, with people's validity and sympathy, I still hate myself. People can't make you feel better. In the moment, it might feel good to hear someone express concern for your last cbt attempt or sh, but at the end of the day, it won't make you feel better. It will just make you want it more. Because it's the only thing that made you feel better in that moment. It sucks.
I don't think I'm mentally ill at all. I don't take the pills I'm prescribed. I put them in a bag incase I feel like ending my life in that moment. I don't suffer, but I deserve to, because I'm a horrible person. That's that. I don't regret it, and if I did, I could simply take the help that I'm offered.

 

[me_when_:D]

A big thing is I hear other people talk about what they go through and I feel like what I go through is so insignificant, and in order to make myself feel better and feel validated, I need to struggle too. It was so weird and foreign hearing people around me be so concerned about my actions and my struggles, because I had eroded myself down to the point where my struggles didn't matter, so when people at the hospital or at therapy would hear my thoughts and how I felt about myself, they sympathized with me. And even then, with people's validity and sympathy, I still hate myself. People can't make you feel better. In the moment, it might feel good to hear someone express concern for your last cbt attempt or sh, but at the end of the day, it won't make you feel better. It will just make you want it more. Because it's the only thing that made you feel better in that moment. It sucks.

Haha, yes. So real.
I had exactly the same experience.
I don't know how and why, but eventually I stopped getting jealous.
I also kinda feel peaceful, I accepted my suffering, It doesn't matter to me, so why care.
CTB felt like the natural choice and not a big deal. If only I haven't got a friend that got too bonded to me

 

[l1felover]

Haha, yes. So real.
I had exactly the same experience.
I don't know how and why, but eventually I stopped getting jealous.
I also kinda feel peaceful, I accepted my suffering, It doesn't matter to me, so why care.
CTB felt like the natural choice and not a big deal. If only I haven't got a friend that got too bonded to me

I definitely feel a lot better now than I did before, but that doesn't mean I don't think I'm a bad person who deserves to suffer, probably because I just think like that logically.
I have family and friends who love me, and from what I'm told they would be torn if I killed myself. Most my friends are mentally ill, and I have two siblings who are as well, and have told me that they would attempt If I succeeded in ctb.