it's_a_little_cruel
New Member
- Oct 24, 2023
- 4
'If Jellicles can and Jellicles do, does that mean that Jellicles should?'
This is a quote that stuck with me over the years as i went on with my life as a hardworking academic. It is silly. A reference to 'Cats' The Musical, what is not silly about it? Yet still, it kept me thinking - so here's my two cents.
I believe that if anyone, literally anyone capable of basic reasoning and has free will, is also capable of accomplishing whatever they set their mind on, if they work hard enough. But does that mean that they should?
The Jellicle Cats are able to do a vast series of things - singing, dancing, charming other cats into their group, casting out those who oppose their ideology (Grizabella), accending to another, better, Jellicle-given life that has cultist sacrificial ritual subtext. But does that mean that they should do all those things? If one stands capable to act in a way or other, needeth one? In all reason and calculations? That is my question.
I hate to pull from one's own personal life, but for myself, i've always been capable and considered as such. A capable student, a capable worker, a capable sister, a capable daughter, yet - what is one's drive to pursue these esteemed titles? Don't read me wrong, i am no sociopath, but effectively, what are actually the inner workings of the mind that lead it to want to live up to such heights? Well, going back on my personal example - I want to be a capable daughter so that I can support my family.
Seems simple enough, yes? No overly-complex mental gymnastics here, but - just for the sake of the argument i am about to make, keep my statement in mind.
Here, we have the premise - 'I want to support my family.'
Then, we follow with the reasoning of this statement - 'Because i love and respect my family.'
We must also take into account the question that ties these two statements together - the question is 'Why?'
To make my argument and simultaniously answer the question i posed at the begging, we must use this magic word that breeds reason - 'Why?' So here we begin:
Why do I love and respect my family? - Because they love and respect me.
Why do they love and respect me? - Because i am 'blood from their blood and flesh from their flesh.' Simply put, because we are family, and family, from its inherited sense of our involuntarally-instantenious human perception - we automatically associate the word 'family' with being loved and respected, while also carrying genetic ties. So, taking this into account, i wouldn't call my family 'family' if:
-I didn't love or respect them
and/or
-They didn't love or respect me.
The latter can be taken as a push of the dominos, as naturally, if Person A start out by respecting Person B, but then later found out that Person B does not respect them, as in fact they think very miserably of Person A, so, by reasonable reaction, by now being familiar of this newfound displeasing information, Person A now shares those same sentiments towards Person B.
In conclusion, now both Person A and B share a distaste for each other. This mutual dislike was caused by Person A learning that Person B has a distaste for them before the former had a distaste for latter, so in the premise, the hate or simple lack of respect was one-sided, but at the end this one-sided lack of respect caused it to be mutual.
So, then let's take the example of 'family' for a spin. Jill and Jane are twin sisters, they are tied genetically. Jill and Jane are identical in appearence, but they are very different in the aspects of personality - they dress differently - Jill likes more casual, cartoon-inspired tee's, while Jane preffers formal wear, such as long plaid skirts and knitted sweater vests, and they have diffrent jobs aswell - Jill works as an animator for PSA commercials and Jane is a music tutor that also has a side-gig as a comedian every Saturday at their town's local comedy club.
Over all, they are very different, but they also have some things in common - for example, all throughout their school and young-adult years they even both used to watch One Piece and indulged in online forums and discussed about it regularly (forgive my dated example of media, it's just a tool i'll make use of later).
Jill and Jane are alike and love each other very much. When Jill talks about her sister when she's with her friends at work, she says 'Well, Jane's my sister and i really care about her. Plus, she's just the funniest, she's the most hilarious sister one could ever ask for! I'm sorry i can't hang out much on the weekend, but i couldn't live wih myself if i even missed one of her stand-up's!'
Jane, also, every Sunday at church, once service is over and people gather to chat, Jane can't help but praise her sister. She says: 'Oh, Jill, bless her heart, that cheeky one, she's just the loveliest! Every time we're out in town and she hears someone sneeze, she can't help but yell ''Bless you!'' no matter how far away the person is! It's such a sweet thing, though some people tend to find it odd, it's just rooted deep in Jill's being, for her it's a reflex - she just can't help saying ''Bless you!'' each time she hears someone sneeze! I wish i gave my bless's so charitably!'
Things go well, good as they've always been, but then conflict arises. Jill goes online and sees that Jane has started to post some things criticizing the newest season of One Piece. Jill doesn't agree with these critisisms, in fact the newest season is her absolute favorite and sees her sister's remarks as being unreasonable. So the next day, after they get off work, Jill gives Jane a call. The exchange pleasentries, talk about work, their friends, the newest Netflix series that are about to come out, and naturally, the topic of One Piece comes up, and Jill doesn't falter to get straight to the point:
'Why didn't you like the newest season of One Piece, Jane?'
'Well, Jill, i just thought that the plotline was extrememely dull and the characters were acting very, well, out of character!'
'Well, Jane, i thought it was an amazing season! I'd argue even the best One Piece ever had to offer! I don't get how you can't see the genius of it!'
'And i don't get why you still like that silly show anymore! You should really stop watching those tacky little kids' shows, y'know? Also mom said that they had to put down Clifford. I got this new idea that instead of a fulll urn, we just get these little urn necklaces, mom'll mail it to you, you'll see. It's a Georgian thing, so you know it's hip!'
Jill hangs up the phone. She can't look at her twin sister the same anymore.
But Jane, on the other hand is none the wiser. For her, this was just a harmless interaction with her twin sister. But while she doesn't know it yet, she'll come to notice it. On Saturday, she's doing stand-up. Jill's nowhere amongst the crowd. Jane texts Jill
'Where were you?'
Jill texts back.
'Sorry, couldn't make it, i'm out at a bar with some of my coworkers.'
Jane is a bit disappointed, but doesn't think much of it after that. She still talks fondly about her sister whenever she's chatting with the people at her workplace or at church. The next Saturday rolls around and she's doing another stand-up routine. Once again, she still can't seem to spot Jill amongst those in the audience. After the show, Jane texts her:
'Hey, i couldn't spot you while i was onstage, i'm just being held up by the manager, after i'm off wanna go get some Italian?'
Jill takes a minute, but she texts back.
'My bad, couldn't make it, i'm out with some girls from work, it was really last minute, didn't have time to text you.'
'Oh, ok. Next Saturday then? Your little urn necklace wound up in my postbox so you have to come get it. It even has your name on it!'
'Yeah, sure, see ya then.'
Next day it's Sunday. Jane's at church. People are gathering for a smoke and a chat. Jane, as usual, joins the conversation, while puffing a few clouds. 'Oh, Jill, bless her heart, she's just so busy these days! I hope she's not meddling with the wrong crowd, wouldn't want another 'push-over freshman at St. Gregory's' experience for her too, ha-hah! Oh, but she's too smart for that! Did i mention she can recite the whole Periodic Table backwards?'
After the conversation dries up people finally start to go home. Jane stays behind, just for an extra smoke. Something's getting her awfully jittery, but she can't quite place her finger on why.
Next Saturday - Jane goes on stage. She's a little uncomfortable. Her punchlines feel forced. The crowd doesn't laugh as much as they would on most nights. Jill, predictibly is nowhere to be seen. As she leaves the venue, Jane gives Jill a call.
Jill doesn't pick up. Next day after church, Jane can't help but bad-mouth her. 'I mean, i just can't understand why she isn't talking to me anymore! She's so irresponsable that one!' She says inbetween puffs of smoke. She's on her fifth cigarette already. 'I make sure to text her and go to her silly cartoon presentations every quarter, yet she still can't make time to even call me? Bless. Her. Heart.'
Having had enough, Jane gets in her car and instead of driving home, she drives all the way to the opposite side of town in order to see Jill. She gets to her apartment, knocks and as soon as Jill opens the door, Jane doesn't miss a beat:
'Why aren't you talking to me? At least texting me? I haven't seen you in three whole weeks, what in the world is going on, Jill?'
Jill, shook from the sudden visit at first, regains her compossure and begins to speak.
'How many dogs did we have to cremate over the years, Jane?'
'Pardon?'
'How many dogs, Jane? And how many cats above that, huh? Not to mention the gerbels, guinea pigs, and that 6 foot long snake you came back with when you went with the PeaceCorps to Somalia that one time!'
'Technically, Roosevelt was a rock python-'
'That doesn't change the fact that Roosevelt sits in my living room, along with all of the other animals you gave mom over the years. And when they finally catch the bus, who do you always pass the ashes back to? Me, Jane, that's who!'
'Me, mom, dad and everybody else i know is a practicing Catholic, Jill, we can't just hold the ashes of friends long-gone in our own houses!'
'Oh, so, because i'm the Agnostic of the family, i gotta be the one with the urn collection, yeah? Everyday, i inhale Roosevelt dust, Jane! Roosevelt dust!'
'Well, you could've told me! Not avoided me like you did over these weeks, making me come straight at your door step just so i could get a word with you!
'Tch, like you would've listened - i have this exact conversation with you everytime you give me a new one for the collection - and you never listen! You know why? Because you have a problem, Jane. You know what normal people do with their dead pets? They bury them in the back yard. You make me hoard them. Mom even sent me both mine and your urn necklace and when i called her, she told me it's because you told her to!'
'Aww, don't take mom so seriously, she probably just made a mistake, she's 67, dementia's well on her way.'
'They literally had 'Jill' written on both of them. You fucking twat.'
Jill moved to close her door, but decided to get another word in:
'I'm sending you the urns. All of them. You deal with it, take them to your church, buy them a cemetary plot-'
'I tried, Jill, but that's only for people ashes! Preacher Russo won't allow me to buy a people plot for Roosevelt and the others!'
'Find a pet cemetery then! Or throw them in sea like a normal person.'
'A pet cemetery, Jill, seriously? You kow that there are barely a couple hundred in the whole country, where am i supposed to find on of those, huh?'
'Don't know, don't care, Jane, find somewhere, just not my house and if i see even one more urn come in my post again, i'm coming all the way over to your house and i'm spreading the ashes all over your front porch.'
Again, Jill began pushing the door closed, but stopped again, one final time.
'Also One Piece is the magnunopus of storytelling and animation and if you don't agree, you can suck it.'
Slam! The door closed in Jane's face.
Finis.
So, what's our moral from this overly-dragged out example? Well, we analyze Jane and Jill's dynamic. In the family setting, the members of the family usually start by being loving, respectful and even speak fondly of each other as they are tied by well, family ties. Siblings, to be more exact, grow up together and are familiar with each other and more often that not, manage to nourish a positive relationship into adulthood.
The peace is maintained, until a conflict arise, and a long-living conflict that built up over a long time that is. We can hold one party as the offender, in this case Jane, who makes her sister hoard all of their family's dead pets' ashes. Jill here, tried communicating to her sister that she does not like having to inhale the ashes dead pets in her own apartment. Jane makes the excuse that since Jill is only person from her circle that is not religious in any particular way, she should be the one to hold the urns.
Let's break down the story beats next - they both praise each other whenever they come up in conversation. After being notified that she'll be receiving an urn necklace, Jill stops attending Jane's stand-up's. This irks Jane. Though it is not shown, we can assume that when speaking to her collegues at work, Jill is either not talking about her sister anymore or she's ranting to them, which is natural to her new perception of Jane as an individual, though it is still clear that it was something that was built up, over years presumably. Jane too, starts ranting about Jill. Now they both speak badly about each other. We can see the whole process and the change that occured as the story progressed.
Now, finally we return to my previous stament. "I wouldn't call my family ' family' if they didn't love or respect me or i didn't love or respect them."
In this case, we see a lack of respect on Jane's part. Surely the statement above seems harsh - to not call your own family 'family' anymore, but if such issues were to arise time and time again, the sisterly connection would certainly be lost, and they would most likely go no-contact.
So now let's go back even further and atribute my previous statement with Jane and Jill. I said the following:
'I want to support my family. Why? Because i love and respect my family.'
Here, Jill wants to support her family, so to do that she keeps all the ashes of their family's dead pets. 'Why Jill specifically?' we might ask ourselves. Well, we have been given the information that Jill comes from a devoted Catholic family (by the Vatican State - one cannot keep the urn of ashes in one's home, neither can they be scattered at sea) and as she is presumably the only Agnostic person in her sister's social circle, she is the only capable one of holding the ashes. But we might also stop and ask ourselves - 'If Jane and the rest of their family are firm believers of Vatican law, then couldn't they just buy a burial ground for the urns, as is stated in Catholic command?' Well, we must remember that these are not any regular ashes - these are the ashes of their family's pets, and by US law dead people and dead animals are not allowed to co-mingle on the same burial grounds. So then, we follow with the next question - 'Why not bring the urns to a pet cemetery?' Well, that is in fact the most logical course of action, but i must point out that such cemeteries are quite rare to come by. To compare and prove my point, currently, in the US there are approximately 20,272 registered cemeteries, and this number does not account for hidden graveyards, pet cemeteries, or natural graves used by Native Americans. The number of total pet cemeteries however is estimated to be somewhere around 700, which would lead us to the conclusion that for roughly, for every 28 peoples' cemeteries, there is 1 pet cemetery. That is how rare they are. With this fact in mind, we can assume that Jill and Jane live in a pretty remote area and the closest pet cemetery would most likely be an out-of-pocket journey, not to mention the actual burial expenses, which presumably neither of them can afford.
So, by Jane's logic, Jill's apartment would be the next best place to keep the urns, as not only is it a much closer place, it also costs them nothing, as this affair counts a favour done by a family member Jane has a lot of trust in and also has a lot of respect for. But let's go back to Jill's perspective once more - Jill wants to support her family by keeping the urns because she loves and respects them. Jill might've happily agreed to keep the first urn, then the second, then the third, but gradually over the years, they start to crowd her apartment and she finds herself in a place of pressure where she can no longer say no. But eventually, she has her breaking point. It has been stated that Jill had expressed her discomfort to Jane multiple times, but Jane had presumably just brushed her off and continued sending her the urns. Jill starts to feel disrespected and in turn starts losing respect for Jane. To express said disrespect, asfter being informed of another urn to add to the collection, Jill stops showing up to Jane's stand-up shows.
We then return to the concept of capability - Jill can go to Jane's stand-up shows every weekend, she even misses hang-outs with her coworkers in order to show her support for her sister. But that does not entail that she is obligated to do so. The only reason she was attending Jane's stand-ups every Saturday night is because she knew that they had an equal amount of love and respect for one another. But after said respect was lost, Jill no longer feels the need to show support for Jane anymore, as she feels disrespected in return.
Jill, as an Agnostic, can in fact keep the urns in her apartment. That doesn't mean she should be obligated to do so. Jill can still live in her apatment, even with urns crowding up her livingroom, yet that still doesn't make it any more of a suitable living space.
Here we come to the conclusion: Jill can, Jill does, but doesn't mean that Jill should. It seems quite cruel of Jill, to vanish from her sister's life in such a way, but it's the only thing that, at least in Jill's logic, would get Jane to listen and stop making her keep all the urns.
A story well-crafted. Well, at least as good as i was able to make it in order to carry my point across. 'If one can, that doesn't mean one should' especially if the consequences of doing said thing leads to an undesireable outcome. One is perfectly justified to decline doing said thing.
And here, i'm afraid, the discussion turns back to myself. As i said, i am a capable person. I am a capable worker, a capable family member, which is what permanently stops me from going through with it. You all know what i mean. I can do it, but i don't know if i should, espcecially if it leads to an undesireble outcome for my family. A surprise suicide is exactly the trauma and financial burden they deperately need right now (sarcasm). It seems selfish. It should be easy, i just go and don't care about any of it. I just want it all to go away. Because i hurt. Every damn day. Every night i'm alone i cry and sob myself to sleep. I can barely stand to leave the house, yet i cannot function mentally when i'm alone. I cannot hangout with my colleagues outside of work. At work i'm very sociable, i'm extroverted, i joke around, but last time at my previous job i tried hanging out with some coworkers outside of work and i ended up breaking down and sobbing loudly in public. I don't know why it happend. I remember feeling extremelly overwhelmed. I'm afraid i'll repeat that again. I don't want to, but i still hurt.
I love politics, but they stress the hell out of me. I know that i have a bright future ahead of me as a politician. I know i can do it. I know i will do it. But should i? If i know that it will be the death of me?
(This post was posted accidentally in its unfinished stage, i apologize for that, this is the full post)
This is a quote that stuck with me over the years as i went on with my life as a hardworking academic. It is silly. A reference to 'Cats' The Musical, what is not silly about it? Yet still, it kept me thinking - so here's my two cents.
I believe that if anyone, literally anyone capable of basic reasoning and has free will, is also capable of accomplishing whatever they set their mind on, if they work hard enough. But does that mean that they should?
The Jellicle Cats are able to do a vast series of things - singing, dancing, charming other cats into their group, casting out those who oppose their ideology (Grizabella), accending to another, better, Jellicle-given life that has cultist sacrificial ritual subtext. But does that mean that they should do all those things? If one stands capable to act in a way or other, needeth one? In all reason and calculations? That is my question.
I hate to pull from one's own personal life, but for myself, i've always been capable and considered as such. A capable student, a capable worker, a capable sister, a capable daughter, yet - what is one's drive to pursue these esteemed titles? Don't read me wrong, i am no sociopath, but effectively, what are actually the inner workings of the mind that lead it to want to live up to such heights? Well, going back on my personal example - I want to be a capable daughter so that I can support my family.
Seems simple enough, yes? No overly-complex mental gymnastics here, but - just for the sake of the argument i am about to make, keep my statement in mind.
Here, we have the premise - 'I want to support my family.'
Then, we follow with the reasoning of this statement - 'Because i love and respect my family.'
We must also take into account the question that ties these two statements together - the question is 'Why?'
To make my argument and simultaniously answer the question i posed at the begging, we must use this magic word that breeds reason - 'Why?' So here we begin:
Why do I love and respect my family? - Because they love and respect me.
Why do they love and respect me? - Because i am 'blood from their blood and flesh from their flesh.' Simply put, because we are family, and family, from its inherited sense of our involuntarally-instantenious human perception - we automatically associate the word 'family' with being loved and respected, while also carrying genetic ties. So, taking this into account, i wouldn't call my family 'family' if:
-I didn't love or respect them
and/or
-They didn't love or respect me.
The latter can be taken as a push of the dominos, as naturally, if Person A start out by respecting Person B, but then later found out that Person B does not respect them, as in fact they think very miserably of Person A, so, by reasonable reaction, by now being familiar of this newfound displeasing information, Person A now shares those same sentiments towards Person B.
In conclusion, now both Person A and B share a distaste for each other. This mutual dislike was caused by Person A learning that Person B has a distaste for them before the former had a distaste for latter, so in the premise, the hate or simple lack of respect was one-sided, but at the end this one-sided lack of respect caused it to be mutual.
So, then let's take the example of 'family' for a spin. Jill and Jane are twin sisters, they are tied genetically. Jill and Jane are identical in appearence, but they are very different in the aspects of personality - they dress differently - Jill likes more casual, cartoon-inspired tee's, while Jane preffers formal wear, such as long plaid skirts and knitted sweater vests, and they have diffrent jobs aswell - Jill works as an animator for PSA commercials and Jane is a music tutor that also has a side-gig as a comedian every Saturday at their town's local comedy club.
Over all, they are very different, but they also have some things in common - for example, all throughout their school and young-adult years they even both used to watch One Piece and indulged in online forums and discussed about it regularly (forgive my dated example of media, it's just a tool i'll make use of later).
Jill and Jane are alike and love each other very much. When Jill talks about her sister when she's with her friends at work, she says 'Well, Jane's my sister and i really care about her. Plus, she's just the funniest, she's the most hilarious sister one could ever ask for! I'm sorry i can't hang out much on the weekend, but i couldn't live wih myself if i even missed one of her stand-up's!'
Jane, also, every Sunday at church, once service is over and people gather to chat, Jane can't help but praise her sister. She says: 'Oh, Jill, bless her heart, that cheeky one, she's just the loveliest! Every time we're out in town and she hears someone sneeze, she can't help but yell ''Bless you!'' no matter how far away the person is! It's such a sweet thing, though some people tend to find it odd, it's just rooted deep in Jill's being, for her it's a reflex - she just can't help saying ''Bless you!'' each time she hears someone sneeze! I wish i gave my bless's so charitably!'
Things go well, good as they've always been, but then conflict arises. Jill goes online and sees that Jane has started to post some things criticizing the newest season of One Piece. Jill doesn't agree with these critisisms, in fact the newest season is her absolute favorite and sees her sister's remarks as being unreasonable. So the next day, after they get off work, Jill gives Jane a call. The exchange pleasentries, talk about work, their friends, the newest Netflix series that are about to come out, and naturally, the topic of One Piece comes up, and Jill doesn't falter to get straight to the point:
'Why didn't you like the newest season of One Piece, Jane?'
'Well, Jill, i just thought that the plotline was extrememely dull and the characters were acting very, well, out of character!'
'Well, Jane, i thought it was an amazing season! I'd argue even the best One Piece ever had to offer! I don't get how you can't see the genius of it!'
'And i don't get why you still like that silly show anymore! You should really stop watching those tacky little kids' shows, y'know? Also mom said that they had to put down Clifford. I got this new idea that instead of a fulll urn, we just get these little urn necklaces, mom'll mail it to you, you'll see. It's a Georgian thing, so you know it's hip!'
Jill hangs up the phone. She can't look at her twin sister the same anymore.
But Jane, on the other hand is none the wiser. For her, this was just a harmless interaction with her twin sister. But while she doesn't know it yet, she'll come to notice it. On Saturday, she's doing stand-up. Jill's nowhere amongst the crowd. Jane texts Jill
'Where were you?'
Jill texts back.
'Sorry, couldn't make it, i'm out at a bar with some of my coworkers.'
Jane is a bit disappointed, but doesn't think much of it after that. She still talks fondly about her sister whenever she's chatting with the people at her workplace or at church. The next Saturday rolls around and she's doing another stand-up routine. Once again, she still can't seem to spot Jill amongst those in the audience. After the show, Jane texts her:
'Hey, i couldn't spot you while i was onstage, i'm just being held up by the manager, after i'm off wanna go get some Italian?'
Jill takes a minute, but she texts back.
'My bad, couldn't make it, i'm out with some girls from work, it was really last minute, didn't have time to text you.'
'Oh, ok. Next Saturday then? Your little urn necklace wound up in my postbox so you have to come get it. It even has your name on it!'
'Yeah, sure, see ya then.'
Next day it's Sunday. Jane's at church. People are gathering for a smoke and a chat. Jane, as usual, joins the conversation, while puffing a few clouds. 'Oh, Jill, bless her heart, she's just so busy these days! I hope she's not meddling with the wrong crowd, wouldn't want another 'push-over freshman at St. Gregory's' experience for her too, ha-hah! Oh, but she's too smart for that! Did i mention she can recite the whole Periodic Table backwards?'
After the conversation dries up people finally start to go home. Jane stays behind, just for an extra smoke. Something's getting her awfully jittery, but she can't quite place her finger on why.
Next Saturday - Jane goes on stage. She's a little uncomfortable. Her punchlines feel forced. The crowd doesn't laugh as much as they would on most nights. Jill, predictibly is nowhere to be seen. As she leaves the venue, Jane gives Jill a call.
Jill doesn't pick up. Next day after church, Jane can't help but bad-mouth her. 'I mean, i just can't understand why she isn't talking to me anymore! She's so irresponsable that one!' She says inbetween puffs of smoke. She's on her fifth cigarette already. 'I make sure to text her and go to her silly cartoon presentations every quarter, yet she still can't make time to even call me? Bless. Her. Heart.'
Having had enough, Jane gets in her car and instead of driving home, she drives all the way to the opposite side of town in order to see Jill. She gets to her apartment, knocks and as soon as Jill opens the door, Jane doesn't miss a beat:
'Why aren't you talking to me? At least texting me? I haven't seen you in three whole weeks, what in the world is going on, Jill?'
Jill, shook from the sudden visit at first, regains her compossure and begins to speak.
'How many dogs did we have to cremate over the years, Jane?'
'Pardon?'
'How many dogs, Jane? And how many cats above that, huh? Not to mention the gerbels, guinea pigs, and that 6 foot long snake you came back with when you went with the PeaceCorps to Somalia that one time!'
'Technically, Roosevelt was a rock python-'
'That doesn't change the fact that Roosevelt sits in my living room, along with all of the other animals you gave mom over the years. And when they finally catch the bus, who do you always pass the ashes back to? Me, Jane, that's who!'
'Me, mom, dad and everybody else i know is a practicing Catholic, Jill, we can't just hold the ashes of friends long-gone in our own houses!'
'Oh, so, because i'm the Agnostic of the family, i gotta be the one with the urn collection, yeah? Everyday, i inhale Roosevelt dust, Jane! Roosevelt dust!'
'Well, you could've told me! Not avoided me like you did over these weeks, making me come straight at your door step just so i could get a word with you!
'Tch, like you would've listened - i have this exact conversation with you everytime you give me a new one for the collection - and you never listen! You know why? Because you have a problem, Jane. You know what normal people do with their dead pets? They bury them in the back yard. You make me hoard them. Mom even sent me both mine and your urn necklace and when i called her, she told me it's because you told her to!'
'Aww, don't take mom so seriously, she probably just made a mistake, she's 67, dementia's well on her way.'
'They literally had 'Jill' written on both of them. You fucking twat.'
Jill moved to close her door, but decided to get another word in:
'I'm sending you the urns. All of them. You deal with it, take them to your church, buy them a cemetary plot-'
'I tried, Jill, but that's only for people ashes! Preacher Russo won't allow me to buy a people plot for Roosevelt and the others!'
'Find a pet cemetery then! Or throw them in sea like a normal person.'
'A pet cemetery, Jill, seriously? You kow that there are barely a couple hundred in the whole country, where am i supposed to find on of those, huh?'
'Don't know, don't care, Jane, find somewhere, just not my house and if i see even one more urn come in my post again, i'm coming all the way over to your house and i'm spreading the ashes all over your front porch.'
Again, Jill began pushing the door closed, but stopped again, one final time.
'Also One Piece is the magnunopus of storytelling and animation and if you don't agree, you can suck it.'
Slam! The door closed in Jane's face.
Finis.
So, what's our moral from this overly-dragged out example? Well, we analyze Jane and Jill's dynamic. In the family setting, the members of the family usually start by being loving, respectful and even speak fondly of each other as they are tied by well, family ties. Siblings, to be more exact, grow up together and are familiar with each other and more often that not, manage to nourish a positive relationship into adulthood.
The peace is maintained, until a conflict arise, and a long-living conflict that built up over a long time that is. We can hold one party as the offender, in this case Jane, who makes her sister hoard all of their family's dead pets' ashes. Jill here, tried communicating to her sister that she does not like having to inhale the ashes dead pets in her own apartment. Jane makes the excuse that since Jill is only person from her circle that is not religious in any particular way, she should be the one to hold the urns.
Let's break down the story beats next - they both praise each other whenever they come up in conversation. After being notified that she'll be receiving an urn necklace, Jill stops attending Jane's stand-up's. This irks Jane. Though it is not shown, we can assume that when speaking to her collegues at work, Jill is either not talking about her sister anymore or she's ranting to them, which is natural to her new perception of Jane as an individual, though it is still clear that it was something that was built up, over years presumably. Jane too, starts ranting about Jill. Now they both speak badly about each other. We can see the whole process and the change that occured as the story progressed.
Now, finally we return to my previous stament. "I wouldn't call my family ' family' if they didn't love or respect me or i didn't love or respect them."
In this case, we see a lack of respect on Jane's part. Surely the statement above seems harsh - to not call your own family 'family' anymore, but if such issues were to arise time and time again, the sisterly connection would certainly be lost, and they would most likely go no-contact.
So now let's go back even further and atribute my previous statement with Jane and Jill. I said the following:
'I want to support my family. Why? Because i love and respect my family.'
Here, Jill wants to support her family, so to do that she keeps all the ashes of their family's dead pets. 'Why Jill specifically?' we might ask ourselves. Well, we have been given the information that Jill comes from a devoted Catholic family (by the Vatican State - one cannot keep the urn of ashes in one's home, neither can they be scattered at sea) and as she is presumably the only Agnostic person in her sister's social circle, she is the only capable one of holding the ashes. But we might also stop and ask ourselves - 'If Jane and the rest of their family are firm believers of Vatican law, then couldn't they just buy a burial ground for the urns, as is stated in Catholic command?' Well, we must remember that these are not any regular ashes - these are the ashes of their family's pets, and by US law dead people and dead animals are not allowed to co-mingle on the same burial grounds. So then, we follow with the next question - 'Why not bring the urns to a pet cemetery?' Well, that is in fact the most logical course of action, but i must point out that such cemeteries are quite rare to come by. To compare and prove my point, currently, in the US there are approximately 20,272 registered cemeteries, and this number does not account for hidden graveyards, pet cemeteries, or natural graves used by Native Americans. The number of total pet cemeteries however is estimated to be somewhere around 700, which would lead us to the conclusion that for roughly, for every 28 peoples' cemeteries, there is 1 pet cemetery. That is how rare they are. With this fact in mind, we can assume that Jill and Jane live in a pretty remote area and the closest pet cemetery would most likely be an out-of-pocket journey, not to mention the actual burial expenses, which presumably neither of them can afford.
So, by Jane's logic, Jill's apartment would be the next best place to keep the urns, as not only is it a much closer place, it also costs them nothing, as this affair counts a favour done by a family member Jane has a lot of trust in and also has a lot of respect for. But let's go back to Jill's perspective once more - Jill wants to support her family by keeping the urns because she loves and respects them. Jill might've happily agreed to keep the first urn, then the second, then the third, but gradually over the years, they start to crowd her apartment and she finds herself in a place of pressure where she can no longer say no. But eventually, she has her breaking point. It has been stated that Jill had expressed her discomfort to Jane multiple times, but Jane had presumably just brushed her off and continued sending her the urns. Jill starts to feel disrespected and in turn starts losing respect for Jane. To express said disrespect, asfter being informed of another urn to add to the collection, Jill stops showing up to Jane's stand-up shows.
We then return to the concept of capability - Jill can go to Jane's stand-up shows every weekend, she even misses hang-outs with her coworkers in order to show her support for her sister. But that does not entail that she is obligated to do so. The only reason she was attending Jane's stand-ups every Saturday night is because she knew that they had an equal amount of love and respect for one another. But after said respect was lost, Jill no longer feels the need to show support for Jane anymore, as she feels disrespected in return.
Jill, as an Agnostic, can in fact keep the urns in her apartment. That doesn't mean she should be obligated to do so. Jill can still live in her apatment, even with urns crowding up her livingroom, yet that still doesn't make it any more of a suitable living space.
Here we come to the conclusion: Jill can, Jill does, but doesn't mean that Jill should. It seems quite cruel of Jill, to vanish from her sister's life in such a way, but it's the only thing that, at least in Jill's logic, would get Jane to listen and stop making her keep all the urns.
A story well-crafted. Well, at least as good as i was able to make it in order to carry my point across. 'If one can, that doesn't mean one should' especially if the consequences of doing said thing leads to an undesireable outcome. One is perfectly justified to decline doing said thing.
And here, i'm afraid, the discussion turns back to myself. As i said, i am a capable person. I am a capable worker, a capable family member, which is what permanently stops me from going through with it. You all know what i mean. I can do it, but i don't know if i should, espcecially if it leads to an undesireble outcome for my family. A surprise suicide is exactly the trauma and financial burden they deperately need right now (sarcasm). It seems selfish. It should be easy, i just go and don't care about any of it. I just want it all to go away. Because i hurt. Every damn day. Every night i'm alone i cry and sob myself to sleep. I can barely stand to leave the house, yet i cannot function mentally when i'm alone. I cannot hangout with my colleagues outside of work. At work i'm very sociable, i'm extroverted, i joke around, but last time at my previous job i tried hanging out with some coworkers outside of work and i ended up breaking down and sobbing loudly in public. I don't know why it happend. I remember feeling extremelly overwhelmed. I'm afraid i'll repeat that again. I don't want to, but i still hurt.
I love politics, but they stress the hell out of me. I know that i have a bright future ahead of me as a politician. I know i can do it. I know i will do it. But should i? If i know that it will be the death of me?
(This post was posted accidentally in its unfinished stage, i apologize for that, this is the full post)
