Venting just a shitty vent like usual

[eternaldeath]

this isn't the worst ive been but this is the most ive actually considered killing myself. like yeah, i come on here and talk about wanting to die, but im still here, aren't i? this time around i might actually get to doing it. i would stab myself in the jugular but i feel like that'd hurt too much and take too long, so im thinking of taking medication, or maybe finding a tall building to jump off. im also considering partial hanging, but my main concern is getting somewhere where no one can find me. i don't want anyone to find my body. ive already started the process of cutting off my friends. its not like i want to do that, its just better that way. i don't want to die if i have people around me. i used to hope for afterlife, but now i just hope that it's darkness and nothing else, as i could run away from my problems that way. i could run away from everything that way, and I wouldn't have the ability to think about it. just like going to bed without a dream except you don't wake up, just a moment of darkness that you can't place how long it's been. im not exactly sure when im gonna do this, probably before march though. It hurts to think about but I don't really have a future so it wouldnt even matter if i died anyway.

 

[The_Hunter]

this isn't the worst ive been but this is the most ive actually considered killing myself. like yeah, i come on here and talk about wanting to die, but im still here, aren't i?

I am sorry to hear that. What are some of the main reasons you feel like dying?

Suicidal ideations are always real and not 'fake' or anything that people might say (without knowing) about suicide;--I promise you that your [sound] presence here does not, in any way, delegitimize the reality of how intense your feelings truly are. As said lucidly in this piece from Metanoia:

"Suicidal thoughts: how serious is our condition?"

Many of us have been told, "Your problems aren't that bad. They don't add up to suicide," or, "If you only took 15 pills, you weren't really serious."

We have a condition that causes others to feel uncomfortable. They reduce their discomfort by using denial, belittlement and minimization on the seriousness of our situation. While most of this denial is due to their fear concerning the possibility our death, a part of it has another source. They may also have had or be afraid of having bad periods in their own lives, and their denial on our vulnerability to suicide helps them deny their own vulnerability.

Since we have also been taught the myths of suicide, and we are not immune to social pressure, and -- like anyone else -- we fear death, we often acquiesce in this process. We can think that unless we have shot ourselves squarely in the head, we must not have a very serious condition. In the face of all this pressure, it is hard for us acknowledge that our lives are in danger.

(...)

No one outside of us, nor we ourselves, can accurately determine our risk for dying by suicide. It cannot be determined on the basis of attempts we have or have not made, and it cannot be determined by totaling up the number of our warning sign conditions.

Consider two people who smoke the same number of cigarettes for the same number of years. At age 40 one of them gets cancer and dies. We are like the survivor. For each of us there is someone who had problems similar to ours who is now dead from suicide. Like the survivor, we have a life-endangering condition. The longer it lasts and the worse it gets, the greater the likelihood that we will die.

People who survive unhurt from horrible car accidents, get mild heart attacks, or are threatened by violence from others, are people who have been in serious life-threatening situations.

Our fear of death is just as real and legitimate as theirs. Fortunately, overcoming denial makes us stronger. It gives us a realistic view of our situation. It motivates us to do whatever it takes to get better and stay better.

By David L. Conroy, PhD. Reprinted with permission.

this time around i might actually get to doing it. i would stab myself in the jugular but i feel like that'd hurt too much and take too long,

Indeed... indeed that would be insanely painful. Please don't do that.

so im thinking of taking medication,

I also encourage you to avoid trying to die from medications; that will just enact even more pain upon yourself, and risk contracting serious diseases as well. (some medications can give you serious (some cases, even chronic!) liver problems, as well)

or maybe finding a tall building to jump off.

Well... first of all--the death enacted from jumping, is incredibly, incredibly brutal--and, has the dark detail of never being able to turn back during an attempt. If you have never read the poem The View from Halfway Down, I highly implore you to read this poem before thinking of jumping. This is the link where you can read it from.

im also considering partial hanging, but my main concern is getting somewhere where no one can find me. i don't want anyone to find my body.

ive already started the process of cutting off my friends. its not like i want to do that, its just better that way. i don't want to die if i have people around me.

How is it better? If the point of life truly is to feel good, why would one do things that go against that goal?

If you are truly comforted by your company, and assauged by their presence--then isn't their company something good, something that makes the suffering of life less burning for you?

I encourage you to reduce your own suffering as much as possible. It invokes sympathy within me to see someone work towards reducing their own happiness; I assure you that you are under no obligation to do anything, that you do not truly wish to.

Feel free to tell me more about how you feel about the dephasings you are currently experiencing in friendship as well, I want to hear your own perspective of this as well. Know that whatever you are feeling or what the case may be, that I am interested in seeing your own view of this, as well.

i used to hope for afterlife, but now i just hope that it's darkness and nothing else, as i could run away from my problems that way. i could run away from everything that way, and I wouldn't have the ability to think about it. just like going to bed without a dream except you don't wake up, just a moment of darkness that you can't place how long it's been. im not exactly sure when im gonna do this, probably before march though.

It hurts to think about

I understand. It really does hurt to think about. It is an extremely painful thing, and we are most honest to ourselves when we accept this reaction to ourselves, this shock and grief. Please enable yourself to explore and feel the entirety of your emotion, in every way--even the emotions you disagree with. I assure you such a method is the finest way for coming to conclusions you feel truly at peace with.

but I don't really have a future so it wouldnt even matter if i died anyway.

I am really sorry to hear that. Please feel free to tell me more about how you feel about your future as well, the despair and lack of chance you feel. These are real and legitimate emotions, that countless people throughout humanity's long history have felt--these feelings of desparation, of no hope--I encourage you to counsel with yourself, and be honest as can be--in such a life or death matter. Best wishes. My words with you.

 

[eternaldeath]

I am sorry to hear that. What are some of the main reasons you feel like dying?

Suicidal ideations are always real and not 'fake' or anything that people might say (without knowing) about suicide;--I promise you that your [sound] presence here does not, in any way, delegitimize the reality of how intense your feelings truly are. As said lucidly in this piece from Metanoia:



Indeed... indeed that would be insanely painful. Please don't do that.

I also encourage you to avoid trying to die from medications; that will just enact even more pain upon yourself, and risk contracting serious diseases as well. (some medications can give you serious (some cases, even chronic!) liver problems, as well)


Well... first of all--the death enacted from jumping, is incredibly, incredibly brutal--and, has the dark detail of never being able to turn back during an attempt. If you have never read the poem The View from Halfway Down, I highly implore you to read this poem before thinking of jumping. This is the link where you can read it from.


How is it better? If the point of life truly is to feel good, why would one do things that go against that goal?

If you are truly comforted by your company, and assauged by their presence--then isn't their company something good, something that makes the suffering of life less burning for you?

I encourage you to reduce your own suffering as much as possible. It invokes sympathy within me to see someone work towards reducing their own happiness; I assure you that you are under no obligation to do anything, that you do not truly wish to.

Feel free to tell me more about how you feel about the dephasings you are currently experiencing in friendship as well, I want to hear your own perspective of this as well. Know that whatever you are feeling or what the case may be, that I am interested in seeing your own view of this, as well.



I understand. It really does hurt to think about. It is an extremely painful thing, and we are most honest to ourselves when we accept this reaction to ourselves, this shock and grief. Please enable yourself to explore and feel the entirety of your emotion, in every way--even the emotions you disagree with. I assure you such a method is the finest way for coming to conclusions you feel truly at peace with.

I am really sorry to hear that. Please feel free to tell me more about how you feel about your future as well, the despair and lack of chance you feel. These are real and legitimate emotions, that countless people throughout humanity's long history have felt--these feelings of desparation, of no hope--I encourage you to counsel with yourself, and be honest as can be--in such a life or death matter. Best wishes. My words with you.

hi, im sorry i never replied. but im back again, like i said. you are a really kind soul, i really appreciate you commenting this stuff. i actually am familiar with the poem the view from halfway down, it comes from my favorite show. it hurts to reply to you as im still here to do that, but i am glad to. thanks for all of your words

 

[nom nom]

Man this is exactly how i feel, i have no future and i just run away from all my problems. Ive always hoped that there isn't an afterlife so i dont get to have another thought after i die. Hope i can kms soon.