Story just chickened out

[darkfoxgirl]

I decided I was gonna do it. picked up the gun loading it while my hands shook and aimed. then SI took over. I hate this so much.

 

[Pure]

Relatable, just cancelled my SN order and now I'm regretting it

 

[deathisnear]

I understand. I actually purchased a gun a while back, was supposed to use it and didn't on my original ctb date. Now it sits there for now, I want to use it so bad, but hopefully eventually I will get up the courage to use it. You're not alone.

 

[Meditation guide]

I decided I was gonna do it. picked up the gun loading it while my hands shook and aimed. then SI took over. I hate this so much.

I would do the same. I can't even look at my bottle of SN.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am about to get my N order and part of me wishes not to ever receive it

 

[darkfoxgirl]

I am about to get my N order and part of me wishes not to ever receive it

it really sucks wanting to but not at the same time

 

[overcomingfear]

interesting, i thought there would be no SI because shooting is instantaneous. i always thought i'd do it with no hesitation if i had a gun. not as easy perhaps heh

 

[darkfoxgirl]

interesting, i thought there would be no SI because shooting is instantaneous. i always thought i'd do it with no hesitation if i had a gun. not as easy perhaps heh

it's more of the fear of pulling the trigger. I'm sure if you just did it without thinking sure but I think to much I guess.

 

[overcomingfear]

it's more of the fear of pulling the trigger. I'm sure if you just did it without thinking sure but I think to much I guess.

is it possible to do it without thinking tho? it's scary to know if you shoot, everything ends. i remember in a thread someone linked a video where a guy shot himself with a shotgun with no hesitation, but he was angry. saw something on his computer, said something like alright thats it and boom

 

[Snake of Eden]

is it possible to do it without thinking tho? it's scary to know if you shoot, everything ends. i remember in a thread someone linked a video where a guy shot himself with a shotgun with no hesitation, but he was angry. saw something on his computer, said something like alright thats it and boom

Exactly. I think it should be done with not so much thinking and on an impulse but again do you really want to take irreversible step without pondering

 

[darkfoxgirl]

is it possible to do it without thinking tho? it's scary to know if you shoot, everything ends. i remember in a thread someone linked a video where a guy shot himself with a shotgun with no hesitation, but he was angry. saw something on his computer, said something like alright thats it and boom

I'm not sure maybe you just have to take the leap either way I didn't

 

[overcomingfear]

I'm not sure maybe you just have to take the leap either way I didn't

it's hard, it's ok. taking a real leap is harder i think haha, it's the method im going for. you have a cool avatar i like it

 

[darkfoxgirl]

it's hard, it's ok. taking a real leap is harder i think haha, it's the method im going for. you have a cool avatar i like it

lol thanks

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, it can be hard to take our lives because of the survival instinct, even know we may want to die, we are programmed to survive. I think for me someday I will reach the point of desperation and overcome it.

 

[darkfoxgirl]

Yes, it can be hard to take our lives because of the survival instinct, even know we may want to die, we are programmed to survive. I think for me someday I will reach the point of desperation and overcome it.

that's what I'm hoping for

 

[ScaredToLive]

Just got back from a huge drop bridge near where I live. Bottled it, obviously. The only good thing is I found a rope there that would be useful for hanging

 

[halcyon]

I understand. There's been many times where I was just on the brink of doing it, and I chickened out. There's nothing cowardly about it at all. Our brains are programmed to live, despite not wanting to. SI is a bitch.

Hope you're okay, OP. We're here with you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I decided I was gonna do it. picked up the gun loading it while my hands shook and aimed. then SI took over. I hate this so much.

Sorry S.I. took over but selfishly happy you are still here. It is a strange feeling wanting to CTB myself and not wanting others to do the same. I haven't been able to get past the S. I. either. Almost... 3 times and failed.
I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.
Take care.

 

[darkfoxgirl]

Just got back from a huge drop bridge near where I live. Bottled it, obviously. The only good thing is I found a rope there that would be useful for hanging

well maybe if you really wanted to you could use that

 

[VicMackey]

I decided I was gonna do it. picked up the gun loading it while my hands shook and aimed. then SI took over. I hate this so much.

There is no shame in that. SI is very powerful.
Based upon my experience only.......
2 ways to over come it
One would be impulse
2nd would be several days of planning and distancing yourself from the world and pushing yourself further into deoression.

 

[Jumping_realms]

There is no shame in that. SI is very powerful.
Based upon my experience only.......
2 ways to over come it
One would be impulse
2nd would be several days of planning and distancing yourself from the world and pushing yourself further into deoression.

You are really telling someone how to "overcome" SI?


You realize you are alive right now, correct?

 

[VicMackey]

You are really telling someone how to "overcome" SI?


You realize you are alive right now, correct?

Correct.
It brought me to drinking SN which didnt work. So i got to the point where i needed to be but the method failed.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Correct.
It brought me to drinking SN which didnt work. So i got to the point where i needed to be but the method failed.

Oh, you didn't mention a method or that you tried. That's crazy you survived SN. Were you found?

 

[VicMackey]

Nope. I woke up over 8 hours later

 

[cantseethelight]

Sorry S.I. took over but selfishly happy you are still here. It is a strange feeling wanting to CTB myself and not wanting others to do the same. I haven't been able to get past the S. I. either. Almost... 3 times and failed.
I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.
Take care.

What's your method? I'm exactly the same in terms of wanting to go but not wanting others to do the same..

Nope. I woke up over 8 hours later

Had you successfully tested it? Any idea why it didn't work?

 

[VicMackey]

What's your method? I'm exactly the same in terms of wanting to go but not wanting others to do the same..

Had you successfully tested it? Any idea why it didn't work?

I used 20g of SN from the jungle and 20g from US dometic supply. I took the first 20 with 50 ml of water. Waited about 15 to 20 minutes, felt sick and drowsy, then chugged the 2nd dose. I must fell asleep about 35 minutes after i started then passed out. I woke up over 8 hours later. Felt sick, headache, and went back to bed for another 8 or 10 and i was fine

 

[cantseethelight]

I used 20g of SN from the jungle and 20g from US dometic supply. I took the first 20 with 50 ml of water. Waited about 15 to 20 minutes, felt sick and drowsy, then chugged the 2nd dose. I must fell asleep about 35 minutes after i started then passed out. I woke up over 8 hours later. Felt sick, headache, and went back to bed for another 8 or 10 and i was fine

I can't tell if that's incredibly unlucky or lucky! Was that the Russian supplier of SN in a bottle?

I used 20g of SN from the jungle and 20g from US dometic supply. I took the first 20 with 50 ml of water. Waited about 15 to 20 minutes, felt sick and drowsy, then chugged the 2nd dose. I must fell asleep about 35 minutes after i started then passed out. I woke up over 8 hours later. Felt sick, headache, and went back to bed for another 8 or 10 and i was fine

Was it this one?
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-failed-sn-and-i-dont-even-know-why.65468/post-1217021 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-failed-sn-and-i-dont-even-know-why.65468/post-1217021

 

[VicMackey]

I can't tell if that's incredibly unlucky or lucky! Was that the Russian supplier of SN in a bottle?

Was it this one?
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-failed-sn-and-i-dont-even-know-why.65468/post-1217021 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-failed-sn-and-i-dont-even-know-why.65468/post-1217021

No. Neither were. One was from china and the othe made in usa

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

What's your method? I'm exactly the same in terms of wanting to go but not wanting others to do the same..

Had you successfully tested it? Any idea why it didn't work?

SN... Almost bought a gun... Chickened out of that as well. I felt like they could see right through me & I left.

 

[MartyByrde]

I used 20g of SN from the jungle and 20g from US dometic supply. I took the first 20 with 50 ml of water. Waited about 15 to 20 minutes, felt sick and drowsy, then chugged the 2nd dose. I must fell asleep about 35 minutes after i started then passed out. I woke up over 8 hours later. Felt sick, headache, and went back to bed for another 8 or 10 and i was fine

You've claimed to be a pharmacist. Why bother with SN when you have access to significantly more powerful drugs?