Just stop pretending you knew how it feels to be depressed and to be in the shoes of me

[noname223]

My psyche is flip flopping. I am going from being determined to kill myself within the next 6 months to outgoing, funny, charismatic and on the outside happy.
Bipolar is such a strong illness. It is insane how powerful this illness is. It is a living torture chamber if you have a severe form like me.
I am currently hypomanic. But I have insane mood swings.

I met a college friend. Maybe I am sensitive but today and in the past he talked shit about mental illness. His reaction to my suicidality was a complete and utter joke. He called me on the phone to debate suicide when I just gave him the information that I am suicidal.

We avoided the topic mental illness mostly. But the times he talked about it made my blood boil.

Yeah he knows depression from his time as a teenager. (as if) He got rid of his depression by playing video games. And he always assumed that my depression was caused by the weather.

I hate it when people are that toxic. He does not know dick what is going on inside of me. He asked me how I felt and I told him I am quite depressed. He told me he is really surprised by that. On the outside I seem to be so different.

I have mostly male friends but I never experienced women being toxic about it. However, I barely knew women. But I had very privileged friends he told me they know how I feel and what is going on inside of me. Well these people did not last long as my friends. I also have good friends who are not that presumptuous. But I tend to get rid of friends who talk shit about mental illness. However, I want that my college friends stays my friend. He is a good person but in this instance not empathetic at all.

 

[Ozzyno]

Don't even waste time on people. The only thing one can do is killing himself. If you wait for them to understand or treating you well good luck. Even if they do it will be temporary because they want something back, they don't give a fuck about you. No one will ever give a fuck about you.

 

[noname223]

Don't even waste time on people. The only thing one can do is killing himself. If you wait for them to understand or treating you well good luck. Even if they do it will be temporary because they want something back, they don't give a fuck about you. No one will ever give a fuck about you.

Tbh I think this statement is a little bit too pessimistic about other people. I have good genuine friends who care. But many people you meet suck that's right. Especially, on the topic mental illness.

 

[Ozzyno]

Tbh I think this statement is a little bit too pessmistic about other people. I have good genuine friends who care. But many people you meet suck that's right. Especially, on the topic mental illness.

Good for you. I'm tired of being stepped on. You were probably luckier than me. I will be superior to all of the dirty animals I've met in my life and tell you that I really hope you will find whatever will make you happy with your life, I've lost any hope for that, I'm just living to not give my mother my debt.

 

[maniac116]

I'm sorry you feel that way & hope you are able to feel better about life soon

 

[Higurashi415]

I'm sorry for the way you feel.
I don't think it's possible to feel someone else's pain in general, but I think it's even more true in the case of mental illness.
I'll take depression as an example: most people think being depressed is the feeling you get when you break up with your partner, or your dog dies, or a loved one dies. Grief, or something like that.
It's not like that at all; there are no words to describe what's beyond the spectrum of emotions for the majority of people.


(sorry if it's not understandable, I'm very down atm)

 

[devilsdevil]

It's ok if people don't understand us. Iam tired of explaining to people.
And also tired of pretending to be fine..friends are of great help, but only for a short period of time. They see us ad mental burden, and all their positive affirmations or forcing us to be happy doesn't make any sense. Its not their problem . Its just that they can never understand how I feel on the gravity of my depression. Only physical illness makes sense to people. Mental sickness is always an over due burden for everyone. Iam helpless. I am too tired trying to cure my depression. Nothing helps. The only thought that exists in my world is this question " why do i still exist" ??
It's ok if people don't understand us. Iam tired of explaining to people.
And also tired of pretending to be fine..friends are of great help, but only for a short period of time. They see us ad mental burden, and all their positive affirmations or forcing us to be happy doesn't make any sense. Its not their problem . Its just that they can never understand how I feel on the gravity of my depression. Only physical illness makes sense to people. Mental sickness is always an over due burden for everyone. Iam helpless. I am too tired trying to cure my depression. Nothing helps. The only thought that exists in my world is this question " why do i still exist"