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TheHolySword

TheHolySword

empty heart
Nov 22, 2024
449
Hi! I apologize if this is not the proper place to do this but I've been here for a couple days now and I just wanted to make a thread introducing myself.

I found SaSu a couple weeks ago kind of by accident but also kind of on purpose. I was doom scrolling social media and I came across a news article from last year that was talking about multiple suicides by SN. I had never heard of SN so it immediately sparked my interest. The news article didn't mention SaSu by name but it did mention the supposed founders and a quick google search immediately led me here. I lurked for a bit before I decided to make my account and in that short time I found all the resources I needed for the SN method, and I am so grateful for that. But enough about just finding this place, I thought I might talk about me for a bit.

I'm a trans woman in her 20s, I could go on and on about how this alone has contributed to me wanting to ctb but I will say that I am happier knowing I'm a girl (I just wish the world would see me as one). I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 12 but have struggled with depression since before then. I have severe anxiety as well. I have been in therapy on and off ever since my initial diagnosis but it has never truly helped in any defining way. I have tried several medications but they always made things worse in one way or another. I have failed twice to ctb, though I was close the second time. I never knew any in depth methods but I have known for a long time that this is what I want. My life has been an empty, hollow experience filled with misery and pain and sadness that never ends and no one has ever truly seemed to understand that.

This year I sabotaged nearly everything in my life to help prepare me to ctb. I didn't have a plan or a date in mind, I just wanted to spare everyone I could from the pain of knowing me and losing me. I destroyed most of my friendships and I sabotaged my chance at happiness with a girl because living has become so unbearable. The truth is that I'm glad I found this place because it has given me everything I need to finally ctb and be at peace. It has also given me a community that understands and I have never felt so at home before.

I still do not have a date set but I have almost all the ingredients I need for SN. I won't be planning anything until May of next year at the very least. This is because my life insurance policy does not pay on suicides until after 2 years has passed, and that date will be in May. I know that it is still not guaranteed to pay out but it's my best chance at giving my little brother a better life. I always wanted him to have more and I can't ever give it to him, I want him to at least have the money to survive and try to find happiness. Anyway, wall of text over. I look forward to getting to know all of you more over these next 6 months or so while I wait to find my peace. Thank you for welcoming me ❤️

Please feel free to ask any questions about me or my life that you would like~
 
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dontlook

dontlook

watch out. the gap in the door
Nov 13, 2024
196
I'm sorry you're suffering but I'm glad you've found sasu helpful. It's nice having a place where we can all support each other 💟


I didn't realize that some life insurance policies covered suicide ever. Do you have any experience with this kind of thing that you could share?
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
39,130
I hope you find the peace you are searching for, best wishes.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,656
Welcome to SaSu! 🫂

I'm sorry you're suffering.
 
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TheHolySword

TheHolySword

empty heart
Nov 22, 2024
449
I'm sorry you're suffering but I'm glad you've found sasu helpful. It's nice having a place where we can all support each other 💟


I didn't realize that some life insurance policies covered suicide ever. Do you have any experience with this kind of thing that you could share?
I have pretty limited experience but I'll share all the things I know!

Not every life insurance will offer coverage for suicide, it depends on the company and policy. And if a life insurance does offer payout upon death due to suicide there's usually several stipulations, the most common ones being a minimum amount of time under coverage (this is usually 2 years but can be longer) or a decrease in payout.

I'm lucky enough to get my life insurance through my employer so I didn't have to go shopping for it but I did make sure to read through the policy very thoroughly and the only stipulation is to be under the same coverage for 2 years. I also pay extra for supplemental life insurance which is under the same guidelines. Now all that being said, insurance companies hate having to pay money, so most will do anything they can to find a reason not to pay or to pay as little as possible. I'm just really hoping they won't fuck my brother over, I want to leave him in a good spot without me
 
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dontlook

dontlook

watch out. the gap in the door
Nov 13, 2024
196
I have pretty limited experience but I'll share all the things I know!

Not every life insurance will offer coverage for suicide, it depends on the company and policy. And if a life insurance does offer payout upon death due to suicide there's usually several stipulations, the most common ones being a minimum amount of time under coverage (this is usually 2 years but can be longer) or a decrease in payout.

I'm lucky enough to get my life insurance through my employer so I didn't have to go shopping for it but I did make sure to read through the policy very thoroughly and the only stipulation is to be under the same coverage for 2 years. I also pay extra for supplemental life insurance which is under the same guidelines. Now all that being said, insurance companies hate having to pay money, so most will do anything they can to find a reason not to pay or to pay as little as possible. I'm just really hoping they won't fuck my brother over, I want to leave him in a good spot without me
I also have one through work so I'll have to read it over carefully. Thank you for the insight!
 
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mysideofthemountain

Member
Dec 7, 2024
44
Oh you've responded to a few of my posts. I didn't know you were relatively new too. Hello. It's nice to meet you. You've been so kind.
 
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been__ready

Member
Nov 25, 2024
97
It's been a pleasure interacting with you on this forum. I didn't come across this post until just now.. it's nice to know you a little better. I'm so sorry you have struggled, but like you I'm glad to have found this forum where we all feel understood.. I admire you looking out for your little brother even if that means delaying what would be freedom for you.. that's special.

thank you for sharing 🙏🏻 and thank you for your help on navigating this new chapter for us all… hopefully one of peace.
 

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