Just wishing I could end it

[CallmeWill4719]

My way of going out is by partial hanging. No idea if I could actually succeed because I feel like a failure right now and depression isn't helping. Hoping I man up someday, get drunk af and just do it. That feeling of loneliness and not being appreciated sucks.

Might just be my mental illness but man, feeling like nobody wants you at all in anyway just gets old. Doesn't help being betrayed all the time.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry for your suffering. Suicide really is the hardest thing that a person can do. Regardless of what you do, I hope you find peace soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish to cease existing as well, in fact never suffering in this existence ever again is all I personally hope for. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[kitkat9234]

I feel the same way. I have my method and I started to plan things out but I was too chicken shit and did not go through with it. I just had two days off of work where no one would be looking for me but I just could not go through with it. I kept thinking of what would happen if I was not successful, what happens after and then my poor daughter. hate myself.

 

[L'absent]

It must be terrible to feel all that pain. I hug you tightly and may your mind give you strength.

 

[cazza82]

My way of going out is by partial hanging. No idea if I could actually succeed because I feel like a failure right now and depression isn't helping. Hoping I man up someday, get drunk af and just do it. That feeling of loneliness and not being appreciated sucks.

Might just be my mental illness but man, feeling like nobody wants you at all in anyway just gets old. Doesn't help being betrayed all the time.

I got hammered on Friday I was so angry I couldn't get enough of the method I was going to use I was mad at the world at everybody I don't drink like at all so I thought if I get blotto drunk take loads of pills hopefully I won't wake up or I'll choke on my own vomit but nope I woke up ill the next day like really poorly that's when the vomiting started the alcohol did make me care a lot less but obviously never took enough I guess 2 of the sleeping pills also just knocked me out if I could of got what I was promised the correct amount I would of happily drank it and peacefully went on Friday now I've got to decide whether to go back to my councillor on Wednesday or not because now she's told my doctor I don't feel like I can be vulnerable and talk to her about my thoughts anymore in that room is the most vulnerable I've ever been it surprises me as I don't tell anyone anything I guess it's gotten that bad I needed to let it out

 

[CallmeWill4719]

I got hammered on Friday I was so angry I couldn't get enough of the method I was going to use I was mad at the world at everybody I don't drink like at all so I thought if I get blotto drunk take loads of pills hopefully I won't wake up or I'll choke on my own vomit but nope I woke up ill the next day like really poorly that's when the vomiting started the alcohol did make me care a lot less but obviously never took enough I guess 2 of the sleeping pills also just knocked me out if I could of got what I was promised the correct amount I would of happily drank it and peacefully went on Friday now I've got to decide whether to go back to my councillor on Wednesday or not because now she's told my doctor I don't feel like I can be vulnerable and talk to her about my thoughts anymore in that room is the most vulnerable I've ever been it surprises me as I don't tell anyone anything I guess it's gotten that bad I needed to let it out

I have never seen the point in talking to a therapist when I have to keep my suicidal urges from them because that's how you get locked into a hospital. Maybe I'm better off maybe I'm not I don't know. It's like I don't want to encourage anyone not to see a therapist but I'm just saying I had one bad experience and it ruined it for me. Sorry about your troubles. We're supposed to be happy that we made it one more day but you know it's very hard to do that I guess but you did make it another day and I'm proud of you

 

[cazza82]

I have never seen the point in talking to a therapist when I have to keep my suicidal urges from them because that's how you get locked into a hospital. Maybe I'm better off maybe I'm not I don't know. It's like I don't want to encourage anyone not to see a therapist but I'm just saying I had one bad experience and it ruined it for me. Sorry about your troubles. We're supposed to be happy that we made it one more day but you know it's very hard to do that I guess but you did make it another day and I'm proud of you

Thank you I'm in the UK they tend not to send you to the hospital they try other things first you know when you just have to get something off your chest and I trusted her I've never told anyone other than her at that point I did feel relieved but then she said you know I can't keep this to myself right . I go through that many emotions daily but she seems to think I can get better it's so hard trying to explain that I just don't see a way out if I could switch this depression off I would I think we all would if we could right. But I admit it does feel good to be able to talk with her .

 

[CallmeWill4719]

Thank you I'm in the UK they tend not to send you to the hospital they try other things first you know when you just have to get something off your chest and I trusted her I've never told anyone other than her at that point I did feel relieved but then she said you know I can't keep this to myself right . I go through that many emotions daily but she seems to think I can get better it's so hard trying to explain that I just don't see a way out if I could switch this depression off I would I think we all would if we could right. But I admit it does feel good to be able to talk with her .

I'm glad to hear that! I'm in the US and from what I understand, mental health is a joke here. If you found a good therapist who gets it, that seems to be rare. I know I'm just a nobody but I'm here if you want to talk. I try not to leave people unless they just get really weird haha

 

[cazza82]

I'm glad to hear that! I'm in the US and from what I understand, mental health is a joke here. If you found a good therapist who gets it, that seems to be rare. I know I'm just a nobody but I'm here if you want to talk. I try not to leave people unless they just get really weird haha

Thanks so much yeah she's pretty amazing with me I shouldn't even be mad at her she's just doing her job but the fact others now know it makes me feel like a freak and that they will judge me