kinda better

[tiredplant777]

I guess I have been doing a bit better. it's not as extreme and the depression and hopelessness are very much still there but it's in a way that is mostly manageable. it's a relief because I dont want to kill myself bc it would ruin the lives of my parents. I also struggle with life just being meaningless at the moment. I don't think life is inherently meaningless, just mine feels meaningless. I'm 32 and it freaks me out that I don't have my life together and that I am single (though I've been hooking up with someone which has definitely been helpful). My life genuinely isn't even that bad at the moment, I think it's just like, I don't really have much to live for in general. I have super bad trust issues now which stop me from trusting people and I always feel on edge. I also feel really bummed because I was in this community that was like spiritual but a lot of the people have ended up being really whack, which shouldn't be a surprise. I have found that over the years spiritual people in general are often very narcissistic. I think things are ok lol I just want like love and people I can trust. fortunately I have weed.

 

[BreakingTheHabit]

One thing that helps me and might help you is to see life being meaningless as freedom. Seriously, everything is pointless. We do the same things everyday then die and leave it all behind. So you could make up any meaning for your life and it'll be correct. It doesn't mean that you need to have a meaning either. Unfortunately this also means that if you want to have something to live for, you have to find it yourself. I share how you feel with not wanting to die to spare the people that know you from grief. It sucks having to hold this burden, and I hope that things get better for you.

 

[Mixo]

I was in this community that was like spiritual but a lot of the people have ended up being really whack, which shouldn't be a surprise. I have found that over the years spiritual people in general are often very narcissistic.

What kind of spirituality was it?

 

[timf]

"Spiritual" (even in a more traditional religious context) can mean a person seeking emotional stimulation. This can encompass people as diverse as those seeking a drug like experience to those convinced of their own superiority. As you have discovered, one should be cautious.

If you need a foundation for your life and are inclined towards the spiritual, you might consider "truth". The Greeks sought after this and many claim to have it. However, one may only piece together a bit from here and a bit from there (sort of like a prospector).

I investigated Buddhism many years ago and found some true things in it. However, while I could see that desire drove a lot of unhappiness in the world, that the suppression of all desire was not a workable solution.

A person may meditate or pray for the discernment to find truth. One can even practice watching politicians to develop the critical skills to see through baloney. This exercise can create an increasing resonance with truth that make seeking it easier.

Rather than seeing your life as "not together" and feeling bad, you might consider that you have escaped many of the traps in life that can deceive. You seem poised at a point where having been burned in the past, you are better prepared to explore those paths upon which a solid foundation can be built.