Last Christmas I wanted to kill myself because of being humiliated by an older man I loved so much

[FireFox]

I ended up falling in love with a 55 year old man because he was the first guy to notice me, make me feel special and be attentive to me while guys my own age never wanted to know me and always ignored me whenever I showed my interest in them. This man almost drove me to sucide last Christmas.

I really thought he was a nice, funny and interesting guy but he was a nothing but a serial liar who everyone believed was the nice guy and turned the workplace against me with the assistance of a woman work colleague who I trusted as a friend. Last year he made my life hell at work. The full story of what he did to me is here:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-he-has-permanently-messed-up-my-head.172481/

Last year December I was living room planning to kill myself because of everything he put me through with all his lies, gaslighting and humiliation of me. I loved and cared about him so much. In December 2022 at work he expressed how upset he was at over spending Christmas by himself because he is unmarried, has no kids, poor relationship with his elder brother and his elderly father died last year. I felt sorry for him and I send him a Christmas card at work. He told me his private problems at work with me and I confinded in him with mine too. He was not just a man I loved so much he was my number 1 ally in the workplace who I looked too for help and guidance because he was in a senior position in the company and well respected in the workplace.

I was always so good to him but he never respected me nor cared about me. He just used me because he was no longer together with his long term partner which was why he was spending Christmas in freezing cold UK while his ex partner ( now back together) was spending her Christmas in sunny Spain. He has been constantly on and off with this woman for OVER 20 FUCKING YEARS AND NEVER HONESTLY TOLD ME ANYTHING UNTIL I HAD TO INVESTIGATE THE TRUTH. He distanced himself from me because he was back with her.

When I was ready to move on from him he began sabotaging me in the workplace at the time I couldn't understand why.

He got everything he wanted me gone from the workplace and reunited with the woman he loves. I was so jealous of his 55 year old girlfriend because she had what I wanted his love. The most painful thing was he painted me as a bad person, an immature home wrecking young woman obessed with an older man and himself the helpless nice guy who loves his long term partner. Everyone believed him.

I wanted to kill myself because I couldn't cope anymore with the humiliation, the shame, the betrayal, the loss of an amazing life I had at 25 until he came along. At 25 I had an amazing life I was travelling the world, gaining financial independence from the job I had and for the first time in my life I was so happy until this POS took it all away from me. Worst of all he took my ability to feel comfortable with other men and now I question every man I met and in constant investigator mode.

 

[derpyderpins]

Wow, I remember that original post. I'm sorry it's still affecting you so strongly, but I think that is understandable given how wild the story is. Glad you are still with us.

 

[ViniTerrible]

I hope you will get through this, may everything be ease for you..

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's an awful thing to have gone through and it's undersatandable it has made you wary of men now and your interactions with them more paranoid.

One thing I'd like to point out though- Isn't it interesting in a way? For all of us I'm assuming. When we feel like we're in love with a person- even if it's just an infatuation- as it has been for me every time... It's like- they're the only one in the world. We love them. Even their faults as they start to crop up. We can't either believe or bear to think we'll find someone else who we'll love equally or, more because- that feels unfaithful.

But now that time's past, you can see that guy for who he is. I know you more recently had another guy you really felt for. It's really sad that didn't work out but- that must show you- there are other guys in this world for a start. Likely more worthy of you.

As to how much this original relationship will affect you, it may well of course. It may well make it difficult to trust again. It's not impossible though that you might eventually meet someone worthwhile and on the same page as you. Part of it will require understanding on their part of course, so I guess there is luck in finding someone.

But- I've known couples who had a terrible relationship. Literally, the guy was shagging everything with a heartbeat! Even during the birth of his child supposedly! His wife (naturally) has a huge paranoia of being cheated on again. Fortunately though, they managed to find someone who was loyal but, as you can imagine- any woman even slightly flirting with him causes an extreme reaction in her. What I'm trying to say though is- the right guy will understand that reaction and hopefully act in a way that minimizes it.

I don't think it's impossible for you to find someone good. It's not guaranteed though (obviously) either. Plus, achieving it will take a lot of work and emotional energy and, you could well get hurt again in the process. It has to be down to you whether you think it's worth it at the end of the day. Personally, I know I wouldn't want to risk all that so, I'm more resigned to staying single but, I can understand the want for it. I was much more keen on the idea in my 20's and 30's. Honestly, it was a relief when that desire started to subside but, I guess it may not for everyone. It's not exactly natural to want to be on your own. I think my brain must be a bit weird.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I ended up falling in love with a 55 year old man because he was the first guy to notice me, make me feel special and be attentive to me while guys my own age never wanted to know me and always ignored me whenever I showed my interest in them. This man almost drove me to sucide last Christmas.

I really thought he was a nice, funny and interesting guy but he was a nothing but a serial liar who everyone believed was the nice guy and turned the workplace against me with the assistance of a woman work colleague who I trusted as a friend. Last year he made my life hell at work. The full story of what he did to me is here:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-he-has-permanently-messed-up-my-head.172481/

Last year December I was living room planning to kill myself because of everything he put me through with all his lies, gaslighting and humiliation of me. I loved and cared about him so much. In December 2022 at work he expressed how upset he was at over spending Christmas by himself because he is unmarried, has no kids, poor relationship with his elder brother and his elderly father died last year. I felt sorry for him and I send him a Christmas card at work. He told me his private problems at work with me and I confinded in him with mine too. He was not just a man I loved so much he was my number 1 ally in the workplace who I looked too for help and guidance because he was in a senior position in the company and well respected in the workplace.

I was always so good to him but he never respected me nor cared about me. He just used me because he was no longer together with his long term partner which was why he was spending Christmas in freezing cold UK while his ex partner ( now back together) was spending her Christmas in sunny Spain. He has been constantly on and off with this woman for OVER 20 FUCKING YEARS AND NEVER HONESTLY TOLD ME ANYTHING UNTIL I HAD TO INVESTIGATE THE TRUTH. He distanced himself from me because he was back with her.

When I was ready to move on from him he began sabotaging me in the workplace at the time I couldn't understand why.

He got everything he wanted me gone from the workplace and reunited with the woman he loves. I was so jealous of his 55 year old girlfriend because she had what I wanted his love. The most painful thing was he painted me as a bad person, an immature home wrecking young woman obessed with an older man and himself the helpless nice guy who loves his long term partner. Everyone believed him.

I wanted to kill myself because I couldn't cope anymore with the humiliation, the shame, the betrayal, the loss of an amazing life I had at 25 until he came along. At 25 I had an amazing life I was travelling the world, gaining financial independence from the job I had and for the first time in my life I was so happy until this POS took it all away from me. Worst of all he took my ability to feel comfortable with other men and now I question every man I met and in constant investigator mode.

I went through something very similar toward the end of 2021. I'm still not over it and it all still angers me so much. How he got away with it.. I still work there too. I really need a new job but I've lost all my confidence so don't even make it to interviews. I feel as though it happened yesterday but it was 3 years ago. It's the most messed up thing I've ever gone through

 

[Tired_of_myself]

this is so sad, I'm sorry you have to get through this. This kind of a heartbreak is so cruel, because makes you question who you really are and your life for someone…. I went through something similar back in 2018/2019 and my life got really messy for a couple of years…. Even today, I feel sometimes numb by the complete control my ex girlfriend had over me. She owned my feelings in a way i couldn't understand at the time, but now (after years of therapy and seen her behavior with other partners she had) I understand that I was very manipulated to fell kind of dependent and out of control of my own feelings. Seems like this guy did this to you too, and probably does this to everyone he knows - I think this yo-yo relation he has with his ex/actual partner says very much about it… i think it's a pattern bahavior. My ex also have a long-time partner that has been in this situation for more than 10 years…. I really got over the situation after I realized that could be me suffering for that long, you know? I was in a bar last year and this guy come over (it was my ex girlfriend longtime partner) telling his life was over, because they were together again after we broke up and but appeared pregnant from this other guy. Imagine! being 10 years with someone without any security, just this crazy relation that tangles everyone around it… it's so hurtful for everyone. Hope you find peace and love this Christmas!

 

[FireFox]

I went through something very similar toward the end of 2021. I'm still not over it and it all still angers me so much. How he got away with it.. I still work there too. I really need a new job but I've lost all my confidence so don't even make it to interviews. I feel as though it happened yesterday but it was 3 years ago. It's the most messed up thing I've ever gone through

@LittleBlackCat You are not alone I totally understand that feeling of still remembering everything that happened yesterday even though the event or events happened years ago.

Everyday starting from last year February all the memories of the events and times I spent with the man kept playing back and fourth in my head. These memories where of the good times I had with the man and then it progresses to everything going wrong.

These memories were so clear as if it happened yesterday. The memories still continued into my dreams.

The man constantly being in my thoughts and dreams too became a menacing presence in my life for which I had NO peace.

I really hope you get a better job and leave that horrible place. You deserve so much better.

My dms are always open if you ever want to talk

this is so sad, I'm sorry you have to get through this. This kind of a heartbreak is so cruel, because makes you question who you really are and your life for someone…. I went through something similar back in 2018/2019 and my life got really messy for a couple of years…. Even today, I feel sometimes numb by the complete control my ex girlfriend had over me. She owned my feelings in a way i couldn't understand at the time, but now (after years of therapy and seen her behavior with other partners she had) I understand that I was very manipulated to fell kind of dependent and out of control of my own feelings. Seems like this guy did this to you too, and probably does this to everyone he knows - I think this yo-yo relation he has with his ex/actual partner says very much about it… i think it's a pattern bahavior. My ex also have a long-time partner that has been in this situation for more than 10 years…. I really got over the situation after I realized that could be me suffering for that long, you know? I was in a bar last year and this guy come over (it was my ex girlfriend longtime partner) telling his life was over, because they were together again after we broke up and but appeared pregnant from this other guy. Imagine! being 10 years with someone without any security, just this crazy relation that tangles everyone around it… it's so hurtful for everyone. Hope you find peace and love this Christmas!

@Tired_of_myself Thank you so much for sharing and understanding. I am sorry you went through that too. I hate how people have no regard for other people's feelings and treat people like they are toys.

My grandmother says to me " If a man is serious about you he will marry you." My grandmother believes any man that stays with a woman for so many years without marrying her is not serious about her.

I was so jealous of his 55 year old girlfriend but now I realise she is stuck with him. As time went on I realised she can't get another man because of she has 2 kids from her previous relationships and most men don't like women with children and because of her ahe dating at 50 is a lot harder.

She has been on and off with that man she and him have only ever known each other so it's easy to stay together for convenience than start again at those ages.

What the man did to me he I now believe he has now done to other women in the workplace. One day the man told me a really bizarre story at work. He once told me the story about an ex employee he had a relationship with. I couldn't understand why he was telling me this story.

He told me the woman employee he had a relationship with "disappeared one day". The woman was from Colombia. He said he thinks "her visa expired". I always thought the visa story was bullshit because i felt something was missing from the story.

I now realise he told me that story to show me what he is capable of doing to me

God I was so fucking stupid for not seeing the signs

 

[virgilwalks]

I understand your frustration and feelings of betrayal. His dishonesty and selfishness - so hurtful. Bring lied to and sabotaged in the workplace is a terrible circumstance.

The timing - of holiday season - is by itself triggering.

Hoping for you there is a step forward - another job out there and you can get yourself to the interview.

 

[FireFox]

Wow, I remember that original post. I'm sorry it's still affecting you so strongly, but I think that is understandable given how wild the story is. Glad you are still with us.

@derpyderpins I blame myself for not seeing the signs much earlier

When he told me a really bizarre story at work i should have realised he was not this nice guy I thought he was. He once told me the story about an ex employee he had a relationship with. I couldn't understand why he was telling me this story.

He told me the woman employee he had a relationship with "disappeared one day". The woman was from Colombia. He said he thinks "her visa expired". I always thought the visa story was bullshit because i felt something was missing from the story.

He told me not to tell anyone and i didn't. At the time I thought it was flattering he trusted me with all the private stuff in his life.

I now realise he told me that story to show me what he was capable of doing to me. He had a management role and friends with the management. He had the power and I under estimated him.

I thought I knew what I was doing running off with an older man and I thought I was grown up to handle it but in the end I felt like a stupid kid. My boss did a wonderful first class job reminding me of how I am immature.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

@LittleBlackCat You are not alone I totally understand that feeling of still remembering everything that happened yesterday even though the event or events happened years ago.

Everyday starting from last year February all the memories of the events and times I spent with the man kept playing back and fourth in my head. These memories where of the good times I had with the man and then it progresses to everything going wrong.

These memories were so clear as if it happened yesterday. The memories still continued into my dreams.

The man constantly being in my thoughts and dreams too became a menacing presence in my life for which I had NO peace.

I really hope you get a better job and leave that horrible place. You deserve so much better.

My dms are always open if you ever want to talk

@Tired_of_myself Thank you so much for sharing and understanding. I am sorry you went through that too. I hate how people have no regard for other people's feelings and treat people like they are toys.

My grandmother says to me " If a man is serious about you he will marry you." My grandmother believes any man that stays with a woman for so many years without marrying her is not serious about her.

I was so jealous of his 55 year old girlfriend but now I realise she is stuck with him. As time went on I realised she can't get another man because of she has 2 kids from her previous relationships and most men don't like women with children and because of her ahe dating at 50 is a lot harder.

She has been on and off with that man she and him have only ever known each other so it's easy to stay together for convenience than start again at those ages.

What the man did to me he I now believe he has now done to other women in the workplace. One day the man told me a really bizarre story at work. He once told me the story about an ex employee he had a relationship with. I couldn't understand why he was telling me this story.

He told me the woman employee he had a relationship with "disappeared one day". The woman was from Colombia. He said he thinks "her visa expired". I always thought the visa story was bullshit because i felt something was missing from the story.

I now realise he told me that story to show me what he is capable of doing to me

God I was so fucking stupid for not seeing the signs

Don't blame yourself for not seeing the signs. I blamed myself also for jumping into this situation shared, but it was not our fault. I think people with this kind of personality are very charming in some way that makes you feel kind of overwhelmed by their attention…

This woman is totally stuck with him, I'm so glad that's not you.

It's so confusing how "love" and "feelings" kind of put us in some mindplaces where you see it's not going to be good, but you still go for it… I thought so many times to get out of that situation, and when she asked me for a serious relationship and a few months later she said it was so soon to have this kind of commitment I said "ok that's enough, let's break up" she did a storm in my brain afterwards and that's my nightmare really began… a year later she manage to stay around but not really there, playing with my feelings when she wanted to see me… the circle was only broken when I completely blocked her and moved away… because after the block, she was in front of my old apartment or my old job.

this old man seems really selfish and manipulative, I think people like looses control of reality because they are so occupied creation this fictions for themselves… the story of the woman who disappeared is totally strange and a warning he was not a trusted person.

How are feeling? Are you still in this job?

 

[derpyderpins]

@derpyderpins I blame myself for not seeing the signs much earlier

When he told me a really bizarre story at work i should have realised he was not this nice guy I thought he was. He once told me the story about an ex employee he had a relationship with. I couldn't understand why he was telling me this story.

He told me the woman employee he had a relationship with "disappeared one day". The woman was from Colombia. He said he thinks "her visa expired". I always thought the visa story was bullshit because i felt something was missing from the story.

He told me not to tell anyone and i didn't. At the time I thought it was flattering he trusted me with all the private stuff in his life.

I now realise he told me that story to show me what he was capable of doing to me. He had a management role and friends with the management. He had the power and I under estimated him.

I thought I knew what I was doing running off with an older man and I thought I was grown up to handle it but in the end I felt like a stupid kid. My boss did a wonderful first class job reminding me of how I am immature.

I agree that you shouldn't blame yourself. I'm fairly naive in the sense that I like and trust people myself. I would have had the same reaction as you, I know it, if told that story. And I'm a straight guy so in this situation a master manipulator sociopath wouldn't be pulling at my heart strings.

Don't blame yourself for someone else's evil.

As a fellow naive truster, I hope you don't stop trusting entirely.