
Lovey
Bipolar | AN
- May 16, 2023
- 26
I was put on remission for bipolar disorder less than a month ago. I was happy. My dad was happy, and relieved. My therapist was happy. Everyone was happy because I had been doing so much better the past few months.
Then… I started talking to my ex diagnosed with NDP again. We hooked up again. I felt adored by him again. I knew I had to be careful, but this time around he's just completely distant and detached, suddenly and without any warning. Rude to me in front of my friends. I thought I was over this, I thought I would never let him make me feel this way again, but here we are. Self harmed because of how he treated me last weekend when we ran into each other. Now my aunt (who's been paying for my therapy for the past 4 years, told me she can't pay for it anymore). I can't afford it myself.
I feel broken, insufficient, hopeless… I am so tired of having my heart and soul torn apart by this person. I can't get out of this cycle. We go to the same places. Share a lot of friends. I just can't isolate myself. At this point, I'm starting to think of a method, again… I am so tired.
Then… I started talking to my ex diagnosed with NDP again. We hooked up again. I felt adored by him again. I knew I had to be careful, but this time around he's just completely distant and detached, suddenly and without any warning. Rude to me in front of my friends. I thought I was over this, I thought I would never let him make me feel this way again, but here we are. Self harmed because of how he treated me last weekend when we ran into each other. Now my aunt (who's been paying for my therapy for the past 4 years, told me she can't pay for it anymore). I can't afford it myself.
I feel broken, insufficient, hopeless… I am so tired of having my heart and soul torn apart by this person. I can't get out of this cycle. We go to the same places. Share a lot of friends. I just can't isolate myself. At this point, I'm starting to think of a method, again… I am so tired.