Life is pointless, but helping others is not

[deflagrat]

I have been thinking about this idea for a while. I read suicidewatch every day, and I see people's hardships. I used to be selfish because of laziness, I thought my life was not worth all the struggles. I thought about ending it after living a pointless life. But year after year, I am older and more mature, and I am starting to see things differently. I don't want to live for myself, and I just want to avoid suffering, that's why I chose the path of suicide.

But one thing has changed in my life as I get older... I am thinking about one thing that may be worth it: Doing something to make other people's lifes better. If there is something worth doing in life, that's exactly it, to live for others, not for myself. If I am capable of making small positive changes in people's lifes, maybe I could find meaning. I still don't know specifically what to do, but reading these forums has awakened me. You all want to die because you don't want to suffer (like me), so the choice is to try to make it easier for others. One wasted life in one hand, and a life worth living in the other. Helping others is worth the sacrifice.

I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I could just wake up one day and start doing that for the rest of my life. Is it really going to be that easy, or is my mind going to surrender mid way? All I know is that I find a selfish life pointless, and I don't want to continue to be alive if that's want I am going to do. I know I can't do great things like I would like to be able to do, but I will do whatever I can to help to make life better for people in need. They are worth it.

That's what I am trying to focus my mind on instead of waiting as a mindless hikikomori with no purpose other than wait for his death in a few years. I don't want to be alive, but thinking about this makes me think it can be worth a try.

Maybe I should become someone akin to a monk, helping others as best as I can. I like the sound of that (though it looks like a hard thing to do). I just wish I knew a way of becoming that person, someone good. It's not easy, but I only have good intentions.

What do you guys think? Is this possible?

PS: Sorry for my English.

 

[Orin]

Great post.

I too considered becoming a monk (Buddhist monk to be exact) in the past but due to my various injuries, i don't think i can handle the physical demands. Plus my mind is too hyper-active for long periods of meditation. I was also considering becoming a Catholic monk but i felt it would be hypocritical since i'm rather agnostic.

Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide to do. And thank you for reminding me what matters: helping others. I should put this in my daily reminders list.

edit: I just realized i didn't answer your question "is this possible". I mistakenly read "monk" but i re-read it and you said "someone akin to a monk". Just curious, what exactly do you have in mind?

 

[mnjkl]

I think that the best way to help others (ironically) is to make as much money as you can. If you have a lot of money then you can give many people the opportunity to improve their lives.

 

[Bea]

there are so many ways to help others; if you make that your goal, it will happen no matter what path you choose. i love this post; thank you.

 

[deflagrat]

I think that the best way to help others (ironically) is to make as much money as you can. If you have a lot of money then you can give many people the opportunity to improve their lives.

The problem with that: There is no way to make enough money to make that plan really useful. I don't think I can do that anyways. Offering my services for free was the first idea I had in mind. I am going to have to wait until both of my parents die, so I may aswell do something that I won't regret doing.

 

[mnjkl]

The problem with that: There is no way to make enough money to make that plan really useful. I don't think I can do that anyways. Offering my services for free was the first idea I had in mind. I am going to have to wait until both of my parents die, so I may aswell do something that I won't regret doing.

I don't think I can do it either, the best I can do is probably just to create something that people can enjoy.

 

[Misanthrope]

That is pretty noble of you. I have always believed in making your own point amidst the random chaos and absurdity. For me, it was using my own pain to steer people 'hopefully' away from the same pitfalls. You may well appreciate this.

https://eventsforchange.wordpress.c...sh-story-one-step-towards-changing-the-world/

It is also not as hard as you think to get started. You could start out getting involved with charities that serve vulnerable demographics. Dabble a little and see. The only issue with assisting people on the front line is that you make connections and their pain can add to your own. A lot of suffering is down to injustice and broken systems. However, lifting people out of suffering or even reducing it just a little is certainly fulfilling as is being human when people have been reduced to statistics. Reaching the lonely and empowering people to strengthen themselves had a lot of value to me. Something I can look back on with pride. Shame sickness won or I would likely have continued my former work.

I wish you all the best with this approach, who knows maybe it won't feel so entirely pointless after all when you make a positive difference to some.

Peace.

 

[Rocksandsand]

For me, it's my job that gives me purpose. I work as a youth worker with Child Protection, and even at my most suicidal and most depressed, working with the most traumatised and at-risk kids in my state keeps me here. I don't miss work regardless of how close I am to CtB. I've done shifts while on the meto regime for SN, and those kids have somehow lifted my mood enough to abort the regimes.

Somehow, when you feel like you have nothing left to give, you can dig out the last of what's in your heart and give it to someone else who needs it more than you, and instead of emptiness, you feel more fulfilled than before.

Those traumatised kids have saved me just as much as I try to save them, and they'll never even know it

 

[Morphosis]

Same for me, it was my job that kept me here and I went in to work just a few hours after my attempt at helium/ exit bag (with a bloody awful headache but anyway...). Now I've likely lost that job though and it meant everything to me. I was able to forget about my own problems when traumatised/ dying people needed my help. Even this week at my lowest ebb yet, I met someone else in an even worse state and it made me postpone my next attempt

 

[deflagrat]

Anyone feels the way I do?